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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
Why are you letting the addict/wayward drive the boat?
Why does SHE get to determine whether you get divorced and at what speed?
Why are you so passive? I sure wouldn't respect a guy I could walk all over.
She is the least capable and qualified to make decisions for your family -- and yet you bow to her whims. Ick.
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 174
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OP
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 174 |
I am curious why you aren't getting divorced? Why was that put off? There is obviously nothng to save here so why the complacence? I would not pay her retainer, but pay your attorney to get off his dead [censored] and get her removed from the home. It's not like you don't have evidence of her drug abuse and unfitness as a mother.
Plan A is not appropriate for an addict, so there is no reason to wait for plan b. Get her out and go into plan b.
Ask her to get out. If she says no, then aSk your Atty if it would be too much trouble to get off his dead [censored] and get her out? Because I fundamentally am opposed to divorce. What's missing from above is weeks in between of what appeared to be progress. However I never really believed it was genuine bc I don't think she has ever given up the fantasy of the OM. Also, I am determined to make this all her choice. I will not give her an opportunity to point back at me and say I gave up or this was somehow my choice. That's why this has been on her timeframe. Bc I won't do it for her. That's what she wants. She wants to be the victim. Re drugs she has a letter from her doc saying she wad taking it under his supervision. I also have no proof she continues to take it.
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,719
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Sbt - my WW likes to play the victim too, however, at some point you've got to say, enough is enough. Like you, I'm being forced to file for a D that I do not want. However, I won't live in limbo forever either and I certainly don't want to drag this out long enough for her to be able to collect any of my social security benefits when I retire. For far, I've been dragging my feet for a couple of months, but that'll end soon. You're going to have to take charge at some point, for your family's mental health if nothing else.
I would humbly request that you turn this around a bit: What does Sbt want? Is Sbt happy right now? Are Sbt's kid(s) suffering? What are they seeing?
I love my WW very much and would take her back, with conditions of course, and I have a lot of patience, but your WW seems to have multiple issues that need to be addressed before anything meaningful can happen.
..just my 02 worth, take it or leave it.
BS(me)- 45
WW - 41
D-day 1 - (PA) 01/2011
DS - 6
Exposure: early 02/2011
Started Plan B - 7/11
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I am curious why you aren't getting divorced? Why was that put off? There is obviously nothng to save here so why the complacence? I would not pay her retainer, but pay your attorney to get off his dead [censored] and get her removed from the home. It's not like you don't have evidence of her drug abuse and unfitness as a mother.
Plan A is not appropriate for an addict, so there is no reason to wait for plan b. Get her out and go into plan b.
Ask her to get out. If she says no, then aSk your Atty if it would be too much trouble to get off his dead [censored] and get her out? Because I fundamentally am opposed to divorce. What's missing from above is weeks in between of what appeared to be progress. However I never really believed it was genuine bc I don't think she has ever given up the fantasy of the OM. Also, I am determined to make this all her choice. I will not give her an opportunity to point back at me and say I gave up or this was somehow my choice. That's why this has been on her timeframe. Bc I won't do it for her. That's what she wants. She wants to be the victim. Re drugs she has a letter from her doc saying she wad taking it under his supervision. I also have no proof she continues to take it. translation: I am a conflict avoider who has placed my life and that of my children at the mercy of a falling down drunk.  Sbt, there is nothing virtuous in enabling a wayward and staying in an abusive marriage. And it is insane to leave you and your childrens lives in the hands of a wayward. Abdicating the direction of your lives is foolhardy and helps none of you. If she ever does come out of the fog, she will resent that did nothing to stop her. Everyone is fundamentally opposed to divorce, SBT. That is no excuse to stay in an abusive marriage. It is not good for you, your children, OR YOUR WIFE. I will not give her an opportunity to point back at me and say I gave up or this was somehow my choice. That's why this has been on her timeframe. Bc I won't do it for her. That's what she wants. She wants to be the victim. No, she wants to continue to use you while she carries on her affair in secret. And you allow it. ugh.... That is the perfect set up for a wayward, to have some useful idiot around to take out the trash and pay the bills while I carry on my addictions.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Because I fundamentally am opposed to divorce.\ Interesting. Is this a religious conviction?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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