Here's the latest on my situation. We spoke at length about the poly and I added a post -nup into the conversation. she agreed to the poly and will sign a post-nup if it keeps our family together. I can see she is really trying to keep the peace between us. I had to leave town on a busines trip this week.

I asked her what she was going to do while I was gone. she said go to work pick the kids up from school and come home. at that moment she started to cry and repeated, I just want to come home, a couple of times. I asked her what she meant by that (with all the emotion attached) she said, I've hurt you so much with my choices, I never want to see you in pain like this again i will do all I can to earn your trust, and make you happy again. "I just want to come home"

I felt that was a metaphor for being with her family, the way we had intended so long ago. she agreed, by saying thats what she meant.

I asked her to tell me truthfully how long she had been feeling this way. she told me, she finally figured out that I was the most important person in her life about 2 years ago. Although she admits,Men ask her on dates or out for a drink during that time, she said she's felt no desire to be with anyone or explore or experiment outside our relationship. She reminded me that the reason she would sign a post-nup is because she feels she is ready to commit to me and is willing to lose everything to prove it. Ironic, since that may have been the case with the affairs. This time she acknowledges it. I know I will never do this again and will agree to a post-nup.

The hurt doesn't go away for me I still feel pretty raw. I try to make it through our days with no affair talk, and doing things that make emotional deposits, she does too. I wish she could come up with something that would make a bigger deposit into our emotional account, But I guess i have to let the little depsoits add up. we are spending alot of QT together, even though it's tougher on me than her.

does this all seem like it's going in the right direction, Am I missing something?

Gar, a big part of recovery will be affair proofing your marriage and eliminating the conditions that led to her affairs. She is a serial cheater who has been cheating for years so the solution is to affair proof your marriage by creating a completely integrated lifestyle that will make it impossible for her to cheat again. One of the very first steps will be to never spend the night apart again. If you have to travel, always take her with you.

This achieves 2 objectives: it makes it harder for her to carry on an affair if you are together, and it is necessary to be together, meeting each others needs on a DAILY BASIS in order to create romantic love. It will take 20+ hours of undivided attention a week to do that. Did you say you were OCD? That will work in your favor here, because it takes discipline at first to follow this program.

I saw that your wife admitted to another affair when you insisted on a polygraph. I predict there are others. While that may be hurtful, it is information you hVe to have to recover your marriage.

And lastly, I hope you are snooping like a bloodhound? It will take a major effort to help your wife change her life and for you to trust. That is the first step.

I feel so profoundly destroyed that she has been spoon feeding me this info, which has been very difficult hear. She finally agreed to the poly, but truly, do I really need to know more about the lies? I wonder if that's going to help me move ahead. it's been tough enough to have to deal with the reality. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to seem like I'm burying my head in the sand.

I'm thinking that taking the steps to affair proof our relationship and keep track of her ie: snooping, etc. and taking your previous advice body 1st, mind follows. It's like if I got a flat tire, to get out of the car and re-trace where I've been to see what caused the flat, or do I fix it and move on? I don't want to be naive either about how the mind/heart repairs ifself after a trauma like this either.