rainy,
You are still in the thick of it, withdrawal from your own spouse. What you are feeling is natural, normal, no fun (nope).
Stay dark and it will get worse but then better. Ask a physician about medication to see you through and help you ride the waves of grief.
If you have pictures of him at the home, put them away so you don't see them. If you aren't able to do that now (it might be too painful for you), put a few a way at a time until you can have them all out of sight.
The kids might ask why and you can tell them they are free to look at them but that you are trying to keep daddy off your mind as much as possible to get through this very difficult time. That you want all the strength you can muster and have been told this will help you.
(It will).
Keep your plan B hatches tight as you can.

I agree the betrayal and subsequent overwhelming grief are in no way 'easy'. But that doesnt have to be your life. Even holes in the heart - while they dont magically 'go away' - can be mended. I have found some world class surgeons here at MB who have talked me through the process.



The rollercoaster dips very low at the start before it goes up again in Plan B, (I thought I might have a nervous breakdown) you have to break yourself down, cut out the poison - cutting deep with no anaesthetic - in order to heal.

I cant advise you on the kids thing with Plan B, having no children myself. Obviously the things they say will trigger you and triggers are what you are trying to avoid.

There are lots of people here though who have got their hearts back even with kids in Plan B, so I will let them lead you on advice.

Does your WS have a nickname? It helps actually. Mines is Softlad, Scotty's is Bampot.

So you could for example call yours 'wayward alien' and not let yourself say his name. Then perhaps if when your kids say to you 'dad did x today and then said y' Mentally repeat it as 'Wayward alien said x today and then did y' Then add to yourself 'Waywards! That fog is good stuff' Dont let your thoughts follow any trian where you give him his old name - not until he reclaims his old character. This might help you to detach more.

However I think you have to do some grieving before detaching.

Yes, it really does get easier after a while. As much as I moan on here it really does...

In the beginning it was very hard not hearing her voice or touching her when I wanted to. I knew that if I was to heal from the pain that she has inflicted upon me I had to go plan b. I am just so thank-ful I knew about it.

I remind myself daily that I am NOT in this because of anything I did! I wanted my marriage, I took her back to work on our marriage, I completely changed the person that I was pre-A for the betterment of our marriage--She chose NOT to change, she chose to stay in contact with the POSOM and put me through a false recovery-She knew if I found out she had been in contact where that would put us-and that was her choice!

Those are the things amongst others that solidify my reasons for going plan b. She was not going to make any more choices to hurt me!!! It was my choice to protect myself and kids from her destructive behavior--I cannot protect her from her choices, especially the ones that affect her immediate family and friends.