Okay, I have two different perspectives when it comes to what type of woman attracts men. There's mine and my best friends.

My view:

1. I am overweight. 2. I am a single mom with three children. 3. I am divorced and nearing 40. Most men (let's say 95%) will not be interested in me. The will see overweight and single Mom with three kids and that will be the absolute end of any consideration for me. It will not matter that I have a very pretty face with very nice eyes (or so I am constantly told by other women; never men, because the male gender does not realize I even exist). It does not matter that I am intelligent, have a great sense of humor, I am a good Mom, I work hard and I am strong. All men in my age bracket, late 30's, 40's, will only see the fact that I am overweight (not grossly obese or anything; I do workout consistently and am changing bad eating habits, so I am working on this aspect of myself)and a single Mom, which they will consider as "lots of Baggage." #1 and #2 automatically eliminates me from any further consideration for most men. My opinion is that most men in my age bracket want the 25 year old with the hot body, no kids, and decent earning potential. It doesn't even matter if she's a selfish B!tch, user, golddigger, etc. Men will put up with all kinds of personality disorders as long as the woman is thin and pretty. I forsee myself raising my kids and growing old with only pets to talk to.

My friend's view:

My friend believes that, when it comes to relationships, men are basically pretty stupid (her words). Within reason, it doesn't really matter what the women looks like - it's how she presents herself. And if she thinks she's the [censored], and presents herself as such, men will believe it and fall all over her. My friend says she has seen it happen with even more plain or overweight women. If they think they are hot and they give off that vibe that says "I am the hottest babe in this room and you only wish you could be so lucky to be able to go out with me!" Men will be all over it. She says it is a trait which African-American women have seemed to master quite well. It all comes down to self-esteem, and she thinks I need more of this attitude.

So, what does everyone think? Is my view or my friend's view more accurate? Or is it a combination of both? Or is there yet other perspectives you can add?

I'm almost 51 and I agree with your friend. Totally and completely.

I was married for 26 years and just got divorced. During my marriage I gave off vibes that said "I am so married I don't even notice men exist." Men NEVER hit on me then. (Except for that one creep who hit on both me AND my 17yo daughter.) For much of my marriage I didn't wear my wedding band because I have arthritis and my fingers kept swelling and it was very uncomfortable.

My divorce was final six months ago. I am doing well with my recovery and happier than I've been in years. I've lost some weight, but according to the BMI charts I'm still (barely) in the overweight category. Men notice me now. Often. And I'm not even projecting that I'm hot stuff. I just look HAPPY. Men like happy.

My tongue in cheek criteria for dating was:

Hot, Smart and Happy, but I'll take 2 out of 3 as long as one of them is Hot.

The truth is the only one of those that I could do without is Hot.

I don't think either view is very accurate, and to an extent, offensive.

The first issue you mention, being overweight can be addressed. Eat right, workout, and or changing some habits will address that.

If you have a smart phone, there are apps that allow you to track the amount of food you eat and the exercise you get.

I've been able to lose 38 pounds since the middle of June simply by tracking what I eat. No real increase in exercise or other activity.

So unless you have a medical condition, you can address the overweight issue with some changes in your habits.

The second issue, three kids. Since you can't just send them back, just make sure they are kids anyone wants to be around. If they are selfish brats, then that's the problem. Kids are seldom the problem, it's the parents and/or parenting.

I'd lay off the judgmental view of men. Simply work on being someone who is a great spouse candidate. Then you'll have your choice of quality partners.

I am a man. Its a combination of both. Your friend is bang on.
I hope I'm not stating the obvious :)Men are very colour oriented. Use this to your advantage in makeup and clothes. You don't have to be too revealing just colour.
hope this helps

pdc! How goes it? How 'bout an update?!

And what colors are good? This is vital information!

I tend to wear lots of aqua and teal because my eyes are kind of blue/green and those bring out the color.

I'm of the opinion that the initial physical attraction has to be there (on a fairly high level for me)in order for me to ask a woman out. But, there are very attractive women that I won't ask out because they seem shallow or like they wouldn't be able to relate to experiences I've had. Self confidence definitely helps but, if the physical attraction isn't there, I probably won't ask the woman out. I believe this is because men are much more visually oriented than women so, in general, physical attractiveness is more important to us.

The good news is that much of physical attractiveness is wrapped up in weight, which is alterable. It's actually amazing how much the size of a woman's body influences her overall attractiveness. A woman's face doesn't even need to be that striking if she has a fit body. So, if you need to, I would advise losing weight. You'll be amazed how many guys ask you out!

I think the first assessment doesn't show a very good view of men. Men vary a lot, just like women do. If you don't like the men you meet, look elsewhere. I agree with the person that said men like happy...they also like confidence, intelligence and yes some men go ga-ga over a hot body, but as they get older I think some of their priorities shift, esp. as they realize some of their "hot" days have gone by as well. Look around, there are men who have married overweight or plain women...look at those women a little deeper, what are the kind of qualities they possess? Are they kind? Good cooks? Good listeners? It might be enlightening to learn just what some men really DO look for! My son has been waiting for the right girl to come along for years! He's finally found her...the things he was looking for are high character, Christian, good personality, intelligent, responsible, will make a good mom, and some of the perks are good cook and cute! He hit the jackpot.

Well I must agree that saying men are stupid is just another way to act stupid.

My first wife was plain, but I loved her and was a dedicated husband. I felt that the marraige needed to be respected, and I avoided all the trappings of being 18-22, and the relationships that could have happened, if I had let them.

My second wife was hot, real hot, and it was the girl inside that skin that I loved, not her hotness. Yes when I thought of her, I included her looks, but her character is what I fell in love with.

so what is a guy looking for? someone who compliments him, and I don't mean just some empty words like "Ooh your so strong!" , ill leave that for the ones that want to act dumb, the woman who is an intellectual challange and is not afraid to argue and fight is the one that compliments me. Also that is the one who will cause me to grow, and keep me on my toes.

attitude definatly is important, and yes that can bring a man to his knees, when it comes to desire, but many men are not as foolish as you would think, and they know when it is real, and when it is fake or a ploy. I agree that a woman with the right attitude about herself and her life, with self respect, is more attractive than one who looks hot, and is just manipulative and fake.

Health is very important, both physical and spiritual, and to me that encompasses the beginning and the end of what men find attractive. If you are seriuos about a woman, you will take the time to study them, as you allow them to study you also. There is no hurry, neither of you have anything to prove, and only time can reveal what your hearts desires are really, and what weaknesses you have in your own character, that she can help you with.

yeah its a partnership, not to be taken lightly, and men who let thier women treat them like dummys, and act all Ga-Ga about them all the time, are just looking for mommys who will understand them. so they end up with just that, a mommy.

ConstantProcess,
Very good point, being complements of one another is very important. I have a rubber stamp that says, "I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you." I bought it when I was with George (my late husband) because we had the kind of relationship that brought out the best in each other...so very important.

My dh says his mom told him regarding his WXW, 'Son, she doesn't bring out the best in you.' I really believe in that concept...that some people bring out the best in us.