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I have the other thread about when to snoop, but I'm panicking right now so I'm posting.
I have an appt. in the morning with Steve H, so I will talk to him, but I've been watching the keylogger tonight and dh is not just looking at porn now. I've noticed that a lot of what he looks at is swinger type porn. Now I see him checking out the personal classifieds in the area where we live and also in the area where he works out of town.
We had a big blowup Sunday night, so I think that's part of what's going on here. He sounds disconnected on the phone. What is my next step?
I just found that he is actually searching as a man to be with a man and a woman (threesome). I feel like throwing up.
Last edited by Wonderingif; 10/04/11 10:27 PM.
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Go tell him to knock it off.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I feel like driving there right now. It's be over two hours and really late but I can do it.
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And I could say he MUST talk to Steve H in the morning or we are separated.
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over two hours away at his out of town job
Should I go tonight or wait and talk to Steve in the morning then go?
Last edited by Wonderingif; 10/04/11 10:31 PM.
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over two hours away at his out of town job Well, that is not a good idea obviously. Is he going to find a job where he is home at night?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No. I want to move there though. We are planning the move in 7-8 months but I can't do this now. I need direction as to what to do tonight...
Last edited by Wonderingif; 10/04/11 10:34 PM.
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No. I want to move there though. We are planning the move in 7-8 months but I can't do this now. W, I would do some more brainstorming and find a way to get together sooner. You might not have a marriage left in 7 to 8 months. My H and I spent 3-4 nights apart for a few weeks back in 2007 and it was extremely stressful on our stable, happy marriage. I don't see how you expect to pull this off for 7 or 8 months. As you can see, your H is not going to be faithful while you are separated. He is looking for sexual partners as we speak. So when you confront him about this, you need to be prepared to end this separation. That has to be part of the solution.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OK. I am trying to calm down. I'll just talk to Steve in the morning then I'll be there later in the day to confront this. I will be insisting that we live together though and he has to commit to marital counseling (MB).
I'm afraid he has already done this (threesome) as I have only had the keylogger going for 10 days. I had gotten that he was looking at swinger's sites like 2 months ago.
I'm not sure he'll do what I need. He's drinking too when out of town. But I can't live like this anymore.
Last edited by Wonderingif; 10/04/11 10:41 PM.
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OK. I am trying to calm down. I'll just talk to Steve in the morning then I'll be there later in the day to confront this. I will be insisting that we live together though and he has to commit to marital counseling (MB). Good thinking!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Please, those of you who have faith, please pray for us.
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wondering, you have my prayers behind you, friend! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I guess I'll get away from the keylogger now. It is disgusting the types of ads he was looking at. I am so sick to my stomach.
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Had my appt with S.H. He was very helpful. Hoping that between him and I we can get dh to see what needs to happen.
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Please, those of you who have faith, please pray for us. W, I will be praying for you both. Try not to panic, keep your you eyes on Christ and please let us know how it goes.
Me...saved by grace
Him...wonderful husband
Us...3 years in to our new life and better every day!
and we have 3 great kids (20,19,17)
Eph. 5:22-33
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All I can say is WOW! Those prayers and the MB principles worked! Dh and I dealt with this together and he showed a tenderness toward me that I'm not sure I've ever experienced. He is sorry, vowed to quit the porn, and was able to verify with me (combined with a little help from snooping) that nothing physical has happened.
He agreed to work through MB books with me, and we are talking about how to get us all back together sooner. Today is a good day.
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Would he take a polygraph to assure you that nothing else happened?
IMHO porn and bad behavior is not that easy to quite.
my 2cents
BS(me)
FWH
M '91
DS x 3
Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.
Col. 2:8 (NLT)
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I think he would. I also think he'll allow me to leave the keylogger on as well.
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