Has anyone had any experience in seeking a court order to prevent harassment by an OW/OM?

I'm dealing with a very brazen OW. She has called my home (blocking her number)and hanging up when I answered on several occasions, sexted my husband up to 6 times a day on his company cell (until I blocked her number).

Yesterday she crossed my personal line. I had loaned my car to a friend, so it was not at my house, and I was driving my WH's car. In the early morning, thinking that I was not here, she came onto my property and left a note in my husband's car, asking him to meet her across the street. I found the note and went ballistic because she had the nerve to come onto and into my property.

Later that day, she texted me on MY cell phone. "I never meant to hurt you or my husband, but WH and I fell in love and you can't choose who you fall in love with. Again, I'm sorry."

My question is this: how likely is it that a court will grant me a injunction on the grounds of harassment? I am likely to be the sole complainant; I don't know whether my WH will sign the complaint, too.

I live in a very small town, and in addition to the humiliation and embarrassment I have already suffered, I do not want to go to court and be further embarrassed by having the injunction denied for lack of physical threat. I want to be sure it will stick so I can send her a strong message not to mess with me.

I'm also thinking of tying my WH to a chair, taping his eyelids open and forcing him to watch Fatal Attraction as it plays over and over on a loop. Surely no jury would send me to jail, right?

Yes, of course you can get a restraining order against her, freefall, and I would strongly advise you to do so. Your H needs to file the order, though. And if he is serious about keeping her away, he will.

That being said, I don't think he is serious in the least or she wouldn't still be contacting him. I view him as the problem, not her.

What has he done to affair proof your marriage? Has he made a radical 180 degree change in his behavior to prevent a repeat affair?

I would venture a guess that they are still on a regular basis because of her brazen-ness. You just happened to catch it this time and he probably told her to text you.

Did you tell her husband that the affair is still on?

Every word of this is true (except I don't know about restraining orders in the States).

He is encouraging and supporting her contact. They are still in their affair. If he wanted it stopped he would have stopped it by now. He loves the flattery and attention, and feeling that she needs him.

Tell her H RIGHT NOW, without forewarning.

Every word is correct. Every word. Ask me how I know.

FF, did you expose this skankho to all her family and friends? That might be a good way to encourage her to buzz off. Does she have a facebook page?

ML

Yes, of course WH is still the main problem. Two weeks ago he sent another NC letter (but I didn't read that one and I doubt that it was as firm as it needed to be).

In response to what happened yesterday, he maintains that HE has been keeping up his end of NC, but that he cannot control what she does. He did send another NC letter yesterday, which I wrote, but I am doubtful that he will be willing to back it up with a complaint. He will probably want to "give her a chance" to stick to the NC request. WH and I are supposed to have a discussion later today, and the injunction will be on the discussion table.

Her husband filed for divorce immediately, 5 months ago. We spoke during the exposure but not since. We live in a no-fault state, so infidelity doesn't make a difference in the divorce. There's a slight chance that it might make a difference in the custody decision, but dad is only interested in custody of the son (not the daughter!) he's an over-the-road truck driver and he has alcohol issues. I don't want to hurt the kids any more than OW and WH already have with the affair and her broken marriage.

I think I will call my attorney on this and get his advice. Regardless of whether my WH signs a complaint, I want her our of MY life.

In that case, I would most certainly contact the OW's husband and let him know she is still pursuing a married man. This way he can use that in his divorce case to have an advantage in the custody case. And as far as you know, they might be trying to reconcile. You only know what 2 liars, your H and his girlfriend have told you.

Additionally, I would expose the affair to all of the OW's family and friends. Does she have a facebook page?

And I don't believe for a minute that the affair has ended. There is a reason that the OW expected your H to meet her across the street even AFTER he had sent a nc letter. And that is because he has not ended contact. '

Have you read about what it will take to recover a marriage after an affair? It means making a radical and sincere change in one's lifestyle. Your husband has not done that.

If I were in your shoes, I would be strongly considering Plan B.

"DD#3 May 12"

DDay was on May 12 and he is just getting around to sending a nc letter 2 weeks ago? Sorry, but this affair has never ended and this is just window dressing. If he were serious about ending contact, this would have been over a long time ago.

ML,

Her husband exposed to her family.

I exposed at both her workplace and my husband's. This is another source of frustration because neither employer will take a stand, even though I know both administrators personally and have suggested grounds for discipline and/or termination for both. She has been very bold and boasted of her affair herself to friends and in her workplace. Both Wh's and OW's co-workers are very aware, uncomfortably so, of the affair. A few of OW's co-workers complained to OW's direct supervisor about her behavior, but OW has cowed both the supervisor and co-workers with threats.

Last week my WH's business manager sent him a note (on the pretext of concern for company records) that staff were feeling "umcomfortable" because I was asking questions of the staff and had been in his office when he was not there.

OW does have an FB page, and I have considered sending copies of the "sexts" and texts to her co-workers, thinking maybe if they saw them and thought about the potential threat to their own marriages from this woman that they might collectively stand up to management. Given the present laissez-faire attitude among the management at both workplaces, I don't see that it's likely to help. I have spoken privately to a handful of OW's co-workers and my WH's business partner. Their silent
complicity makes me almost as sick as the affair itself.

Do they work together?

This is where I would start. Expose the affair to her family and friends on facebook. Tell them she is having an affair with your husband and ask them all to use their persuasion to influence her to leave your husband alone. Raise holy hell in her life with direct exposures rather than fruitless whispering campains. Be DIRECT, not passive.

freefall!!!!

You have been here longer than two weeks. You must know by now that a NC should closely follow the template in Surviving an Affair, and should be approved and posted by YOU???? What on earth were you thinking not seeing and sending the letter yourself?

And you know what? I would forget about a restraining order. Your H is not going to lie to a judge by claiming that this woman has harassed him by going against his repeatedly expressed wishes, and if he does, you are going to be publicly humiliated when she counters that most of the contact is being done with his consent.

By all means ask him to get a RO, and see what he says. It might be a useful way for you to strong-arm him into confessing that he can't, because they are regularly in touch and he has done nothing to discourage her contact.

But don't wait for a judge to discover what we already know. This contact is consensual, it is regular, it is frequent and that affair has never ended.

You need to go to Plan B, my dear. Do any outstanding exposure that is recommended, but start today by finding yourself an intermediary, separating your finances, and perhaps seeking legal advice to make sure that your H is forced to pay the bills and maintain you and the kids.

You've been in a false recovery this whole time. Again, ask me how I know.

Do you have our facebook exposure letter?

BINGO!!

You cannot get a restraining order to prevent her from contacting your husband because your husband is complicit in her contacting him.

Just won't happen.

By virtue of his continued contacts with her, he "invites" her to contact him. Ergo, no RO.


You might be able to get an RO to keep her away from YOU. However, she can claim that she is "visiting" your husband, doesn't care about you, and is not a threat to you. You would have to prove some kind of threat.

Unfortunately, what is likely to happen is the court will just tell her to leave you alone. She will walk out feeling like she won some weird victory, and you will feel frustrated.

Courts are very unpredictable. They just don't stand up much in cases like these unless things seem about to be dangerous. You have to really plead "fear".....

SB

You'll have to look at that like this: If YOU didn't see it, approve it and send it, it didn't happen.

We are separated. 4 weeks ago I filed for legal separation, rather than divorce, so I would still be covered under my WH's health insurance policy. If we're divorced, my coverage ends.

I don't expect reconciliation at this point.

My question to the forum at the outset of this thread was whether anyone had personal experience with obtaining an injunction against an OW/OM on the basis of harassment. My complaint has nothing to do with harassing my husband. I don't want her trespassing on my property or calling my home. I don't believe such a complaint has to be filed by my husband, but I have a call in to my attorney. Seems like these issues usually arise at weekend and I have to wait until the following week for an answer, and I'm not a patient person. . .especially now.

I have no illusions about my WH's behavior. Clearly whatever he wrote to OW two weeks ago left her thinking that all she needed to do was sink her talons a little deeper.

Her antics on Thursday upset my WH, too. I e-mailed him to inform him what had happened and sent him my draft of an NC letter and told him that if he was serious about ending the affair, THIS was the letter he would send her. To my surprise, he copied it, signed it and mailed it to her in my presence.

I'm not attaching too much importance to the NC letter. We'll see what impact it has on his and her behavior. In the meantime, I'm working on MY recovery, with or without my husband.

I spent last night and today with friends. Just got home from kayaking on the river on a beautiful sunny day, and my equanimity is somewhat restored.

freefall,

It wasn't at all clear from your first post to this thread that you were separated from your H. As for your history, a post in August said that you needed to look into a legal separation, but that is all I could find on that subject.

The way you talked about OW's contact made it sound as if you and your H are still living together.

Why aren't you in Plan B?

Have you asked this woman not to contact you or to set foot on your property? I don't mean your H's NC letters, I mean yours. Have you ever sent any?

It is not against the law to send people text messages or set foot on their property. What has she done that, in your view, constitutes harassment? Your not wanting her to contact you does not mean that when she sets foot on your property she is harassing you.

I agree with Sugar, freefall. This was not clear in the first post and I am completely confused.

Where to start?

If you are separated, you realize under MB principles you should be in Plan B, right? That means you wouldn't know whether OW was sexting your H or whether she was leaving him notes.

Is he still living at home with you? It sounds like he is and getting her to stop coming onto the property is just the tip of the iceberg, freefall.

You need to completely separate yourself from the wayward's drama, disrespect and abuse. Just because you don't have hope for reconciliation is not a good reason for not using Plan B. Plan B is for your health and well-being regardless of whether the M will be R'd or not.

You never mentioned anything a separation until now. Why all the no contact letters you are separated?