Do something.

He probably will later.

Right now, he's probably hoping that this kind of fixed itself since she's being nicer and he doesn't want to risk "ruining a good thing" or whatever happy face his WW has put on for the moment.

But she'll get back with OM#1 or OM#2 and, when he finds out, then he'll probably be more inclined to push the envelope.

I tend to believe exposure out of vindictiveness is counter-productive. In this case, you have suffered enough and you have let this go on too long. At some point, you are just as responsible as your WW to enable the A and allow the ultimate destruction of your M.

You have to take action, which in this case should be exposure. Tell your family and friends what has been going on. You even have her post admiting to her ongoing A for many months now. She has been sitting on the fence all this time because you have failed to take any drastic action. Your understanding of Christian doctrine is very much misleading. Blind forgiveness does not solve problem and it actually brings about worse outcome. It is an irresponsible way of dealing with things, and it is nothing more than just an excuse to dodge the work required to solve the problem at its core. It's a copout and cowardly. You must fight for the kids. No matter what action you take, there will be a risk of D. The thing is not taking any action is much worse than taking an action, and the past track record simply proves it.

It's obvious the A has been a full blown PA for some time,and it may have stopped temporarily, but like her own statement of not being able to "turn off her feelings like a switch", this A is still ongoing, either physically or emotionally.

Either you demand D with real intent or at least expose this A to "help" her stop this addiction. Please Man Up !!!

Ok everyone I'm going nuclear today...

got on verizon and she made her pswd the same as b4 so I was in!!!!!!!!!!! dwnld all past months voice and text msgs Yes you all are right stupid me.

Last nites records indicate she did go out with girls but constantly txt OM. She left early from the girlz with excuse of leaving early this a.m. to go to DD15 swim meet. constant communication stopped about @ 11:11pm and resumed 12:30am, she arrived home at 12:43am. just enough time to drive home from his house GRRR... should of went recon like you said.

Oh and this morning she txt him as soon as she left house and also talked to him. I waited a few minutes to try calling got bill info saw her comm with OM then tried calling... NO ANSWER really? Im an IDIOT.

I've had enough and you all have been rite. I'm killing it today. Now i just need to find sample message and send it out.

Good for you! Make sure you stay calm and loving! You do this because you love your wife, and your children.

And the darn vets here are always right, aren't they!

Need a good sample message. I remember seeing one from Melody or Pepper but I don't know where.... HELP!

MrAmazed,
I am glad you came to your senses it is the only way the people who have been helping you have helped many others to break up the affairs with a good solid plan of attach, now stay on board and listen to them........
Don't make any rash moves come back a lot and get advice as to how to proceed.
Remember she is no longer the woman you married and you are going to see a crazed out version of that one that will lie and blame shift and do whatever she has to so she can keep her OM.
You know that isn't going to happen, once reality hits fantasy you can sit back and watch the show...........she will threaten you with anything and everything.......be prepared, don't get into shouting matches, just keep saying I will do what I have to do to save this marriage and you .........that you love her and when she decides to give up the OM for life you will speak to her about what the next steps will be to recover the marriage, you have to look at like she can't take care of things right now, you have to carry her and be strong for both of you right now...........be the hero.........be calm and act lovingly and respectfully, she won't understand how you can be still in he corner, it will show her true love, these things are important when she finally comes out of the fog......
You are not an idiot you are just a man that loves and trusted his wife, we all did...........
None of this is your fault, she made the decision to have the affair, only her, nothing you did, the state of your marriage none of that is enough reason for her to break your marriage vow......
Come back here and run the letters through the experts, they will help you with each step and they will make sure you get the most effective plan......
Don't tell any of this or about this site.....this is your haven right now......and your life line........you have many friends here with an enormous amount of information and resources for you.............It is a safe and life saving place.....if you follow the plan you have a great chance at saving your marriage.........
good luck and stay calm.........
there is no rush just put together a great plan first........
jessi

How are you exposing? Phone calls? Emails? In person? FaceBook?

Whatever it takes. Right now I have email started. FB private Msg. Is the letter the same to the OM's contacts or different?

Here's a sample for Facebook. Send them out one minute apart so the FB software doesn't assume you're a spammer and shuts you down.
Print off his friends page. Do all of them if there aren't too many. If he 'collects heads' and has a thousand friends you don't need to do all of them. Look for the same last name and work your way from there. Also look to see if he ID'd any of his friends as 'family'. Do those first.

Thanks Bliss

Here's for your WW's friends list:

Use those as a template for all of your methods of exposure.

I would meet with her parents in person. Are they local? Phone them if they aren't. Don't email them. Although you probably already know that.

Have you purchased Surviving an Affair yet? I think it was suggested to you earlier.

Be ready for an s-storm of epic proportions. Taking away a crackhead's drugs will get messy. As will ending her fantasy.

Do not weaken now. Your are doing this because you love her and in 1, 6, or 12 months, she'll thank you for being strong and protecting her from herself.

You calmly will say 'I love you and will do whatever is needed to save our family'. No accusations. No yelling.

Your work is really just beginning. Update us often and the veterans here will guide you through her remission pains.

Plus, she is never to go out without your a$$ sitting next to hers. She has to earn going out privileges and in my opinion she's a long way off from that.

Call up her parents, your parents, close friends and family and tell them calmly that your wife is having an affair with Joe XXX and tell them you are trying to save your marriage. Ask them to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair. Ask for their advice.

Go to the OM's facebook page, copy and paste his facebook contacts into a WORD doc. Prioritize his contacts starting with family, married friends, all other. Send them private messages and SPACE THEM OUT 60 SECONDS APART SO FACEBOOK DOES NOT SHUT YOU DOWN FOR FLOODING.

You especially want to find and speak to his parents.

Set your children down and tell them all about the affair. Encourage them to ask their mother questions if they have any. And be sure and explain to them why adultery is immoral.

I'll ask it again, have you read SAA? Its the how to guide for people like us who want to save our marriages being invaded by a mind controlling cretan who has co-opted your wife's better judgement.

Get the book. Read the book.

Currently you are following the cretan's playbook to the 'T". And she is slipping deeper in to his corner (bed).

Dude, she knows your marriage is heading wicked fast to the dumper and she had sex with him last night night. I don't want to bring up ugly images but you actually green lighted last nights tryst. You need to know more about addiction.

Read the book.

Mr. A,
I'm so glad to see you back today. I hurt for you for what we knew was going to happen last night.

I'm really supprised she is still using her phone for this, I guess she does not know you are snooping (which is good). She will figure it out soon so when the text stop, please dont think it is instantly over. They just went to Wal-mart and got a pre-paid phone.

Expect that and be looking for it if the texts stop all the sudden.

Remember, although there is no guarantee that this exposure will result in the positive result you are hoping for. It can certainly backfire and expedite the demise of your M. However, thru this you do have a legitimate chance at ending this A and saving your M. It's like a cancer patient choosing to have surgery. Without it, he will surely die of slow agonizing death for sure, but he gets to live a year or two more. With surgery, he may die during the surgery but he does have a legit shot at real recovery this way.

As Christian, you should know the ultimate destiny of things is always in God's hand. We, however, have the responsibility to do our part praying for the outcome we desire. Your taking this action is simply doing your part in all this mess. If God is willing, he will give you the future you want, but if not, you should know to move on. Don't try to take the ownership of your future as it is not yours to make, but make sure you do what you are supposed to in each minute of this present.

Exposure does not backfire and does not cause the demise of a marriage. Exposure kills affairs, not marriages. It is a positive thing, not a negative one. Affairs, lies and enabling affairs are what kills marriages. Please stop trying to scare this man. His best chance of saving his marriage is exposure. Of course there are no 100% guarantees, but he understands that.

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