Your wife is not "one" with God, MA. She was just threatening to kill herself yesterday. This miraculous conversion is an attempt to manipulate you to get your resources so SHE CAN GET YOU BACK IN HER CONTROL. She does not like losing control of you!!!

She KNOWS that whoever is helping you has helped you gain control of your marriage and SHE DOES NOT LIKE IT! IT is her goal to find out and squelch that resource so she can get you back on the farm.

The passage about you will "know them by their fruits" is very applicable here. The fact that she is badgering and resentful about exposure reflects an UNREPENTANT HEART. A repentant heart would not be angry about the tactics used to stop her sin. This is like Bill Clinton who got on TV after being caught wetting his whistle in the Oval Office and said "Forgive me Lord for my sin!! Dang them evil Republicans!"

Sorry, your wife is not remorseful or humble or sincere. She is still playing the game and just using the God card.

She tried playing the suicide card, the divorce card and now the God card all in an attempt to get you back in control. Don't let that happen. Don't give her back the wheel.

You have allowed this to spiral out of control by not taking accountibility for your decisions. It doesn't matter if you read it in a comic book. What matters is you are a grown man who personally made the decision how and where to expose. That is what you are missing. *YOU* made the decision.

You need to take accountibility for your actions and stop acting like some resource on the net is responsible for your choices.

MA, did you come this far to throw this all away?

There is not true repentence here. True repentence comes with a humble heart, not with bitterness and grudging over the consequences of one's crimes. You are jeopardizing your marriage by allowing a wayward to terrorize you and dictate the terms of your recovery.

Your wife had an affair, and you think you wronged her.

The things you tolerated to keep the peace, to keep her "loving you" got you where you are.

My middle name was "conflict avoidance."

Once again, I am divorced.

You are headed that way if you don't listen.

Do you believe in MB? Do you want to go back to anything close to your old marriage that got you where you are today?

She will have to change, but you will, too.

To be honest, I doubt she will. But I have greater doubts about you now.

Welcome to the rest of your life, it will be hell.

ITA.. this is why I posted that rather long post on repentance...

The divorce card didn't work.

The suicide card didn't work.

The new tactic is the God card.

I fear she is going to succeed in manipulating him with the God card. And all on the same day that she spit in God's face by threatening to commit suicide as a means of manipulating her husband.

"You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? Matthew 7:16

MA, don't make these last few days all for nothing by giving into her latest ploy. Don't hand the wheel to a falling down drunk.

Mr A,

Take what ML wrote you (the list) and tell that to your wife.

Your post doesn't mention much of the OM. What about contact with them or is your WW trying to push that into the background?

Your wife sounds manipulative. To test this, tell her she needs to have a polygraph done for you to stay married to her. When she flips out, I bet you won't see anything remotely resembling a Christian response.

Mr A.

When your wife has found GOD, you will know because she will no longer paint YOU as the sinner. She has not found GOD.

Yep. When he sees true remorse/repentance, he'll notice that it doesn't look anything like what he's seeing now.

AMEN!!!


He that justifieth the wicked, and he that condemneth the just, even they both are abomination to the LORD. Proverbs 17:15

It is evil to commit adultery, it is not evil to expose adultery.

Mr Amazed,

Your wife is still processing everything and is still angry, you just keep telling her you did what you had to do to save your marriage........
Tell her you don't regret being the saviour in your marriage, the only way was stopping the affair and this was the only way you could think of that would make that happen, for her to become accountable for her actions and to rethink her decisions.........
This is what exposure has accomplished......and that was the goal of your actions and that you stand behind what you chose to do to end the affair......

Do not let her make you feel badly about saving your family....
Tell her you at least were doing something in a positive way to save your family unlike what her decisions were doing.......

Tell her you are ready to rebuild and now that God has helped you bring her back to you and your family it is time to forgive and rebuild your lives together, tell her you will be her support system and he shoulder when she needs it.....

She is still foggy and it will probably take a few weeks before she can see the benefit of exposure but she will see it eventually, it makes logical sense and is does have a positive out come for her marriage as well and her family.

Even if she sees the MB thing if she looks it up, she won't know you are here posting and getting help.
It is an informational site for anyone willing to read it, and if she does she might also see the good in the MB way.
It is there she just doesn't have to know you are here.....
You didn't screw up, you got help when you needed it from a great bunch of folks willing to help you and look where you are in such a short time, a little time ago, you didn't even think she could or was having an affair.........
You took action and stopped and now have a chance to save your marriage.......that is not wrong or a mistake, you didn't screw up.....

You were a hero my friend and the strength when she had none herself........we all fall off the tracks sometimes and someday she will know how lucky she was having such a brave man save her from destroying herself and her life......

You should be proud of yourself

MA-

Take a deep breath. I have not seen such fast and furious action on these boards in my time here.

You are doing great. Check that. Awesome.

My wife, too, threatened to hurt herself at one point. She would start digging at her wrist and actually created a scat thats still there. I told her if I see her doing it again, Im taking her to the ER and all that can entail.

Watching ones life potentially dissolve into nothingness is scary. By repeating the mantra that you are ready to forgive and get passed all this is only way.

Stay strong, your fight is rough one.

Next thing will be her studing the word of God and dictating how it will be, because you don't know about God, she heard him in the woods, did you?

Plus you are at work all the time,(expect to work harder if this continues to escalate),you don't know the struggles she is going through! Trying to save this marriage!

She is trying to turn this around so she can control you again.

Let her know you heard from God too. This has got to stop. Get her some help., spoke to your conscience as clear as day, as you consider all things for your family, wisely, and even hear your fathers urging in every conversation you have, because your heart for your family in continually before God in everything, in every moment, in every conversation you have with others.......and you can discern the difference.

You have to be the leader, she is not capable, believe me I know.

Interesting how all this listening to God stuff goes out the window when it comes to getting what she wants and punishing you to make you do what she wants. I'll bet she didn't pray to God about that one.

I hope Mr. A sees that as well.

It'd be interesting to know how much contact she has been in with OM since exposure.

Stop being so intellectually arrogant, amigo.

You do NOT know what the best steps for reconciliation are. And your WW sure as HELL has no idea. Rather than waste time arguing with the vets here who have coached dozens (well, hundreds in ML's case) of betrayed spouses through the worst of their crises, just understand that THEY know what YOU have no clue about.

And if l'il Miss I-See-The-Light-Now is gonna play the "How dare you not trust me?" card NOW, about the polygraph, she is going to go bat-sh!+ crazy when you listen to us and mandate that both of you undergo an entire battery of STD tests.

Of course, that's assuming you get a backbone, and start explaining to her that the game is to be played by your rules, or not at all!

Mr A, the church and the internet aside.

She had an affair. You can leave now and shes the bad guy.

Either she does this or you split up. Full marriage or full divorce. No discussion of what program, no asking to see Hartleys credentials. If he went to clown college its still your choice here.

You have all the power now. Use it.

Oh Melodya -- you are so full-on right!!!!



And don't forget the SEX card before exposure.

Your wife is a MASTER manipulator. You better grow some cajones quick - and be ready to stand up to her.

You had better stand tall MrA. Women do not respect men that they can plow over. And women do not love men they can't respect.

She has NOT had a come-to-jesus moment. She is once again trying to wrestle control from you.

Don't be so quick to forgive someone who isn't showing repentance.

Do you see MrA, that you're not talking about recovery and how she can make it up to you --- you're still talking about how pizzed off SHE is. Good Grief.

I think you should sit back and observe this 'conversion' of hers. I suspect she is playing you like a fiddle.

That's really unfortunate, because I can promise you that she's lying like a rug.

See my last statement.

MrA, if you purposely drop the ball that you've managed to carry all the way to the 5-yd line, I will have zero sympathy for you. You have gotten top-notch advice from people who have been where you are, and you have gotten thisclose to getting your wife back. We've even told you what she's going to say!!

All it's taken to undo all of that is a little manipulative persuasion by the one person you should trust the LEAST.