Agreed, MB.

I'm out. Can't stomach it.

And, I want answers to these questions.

I am angry, and I don't get these (my perception) "kid gloves" at all with LL and his WW. I don't understand any advice ahead of telling these parents.

I've said my peace. I'm out.

I don't get it.

"Right now she is too much of a chicken sh...."


AS ARE YOU.

Patience is not a commodity when it comes to ending an affair and recovering a marriage. It's not a commodity because every second that ticks by as a secret is kept makes the revelation of it that much worse. This boy goes to school with your kids, right? Are you sure your kids don't already know?

One thing exposure does is kill the fantasy aspect of the affair. It brings all its dirtiness into the light. Once that is done, if your wife wants to stay and work on a good healthy happy marriage, you can begin sifting through all the junk... rebuilding.

What you are working towards is genuine forgiveness. Don't make it cheap grace for her. Let her see the consequences of this. It's not loving or protecting her to keep the secret. It's not helping your kids either.

The first bite of the elephant begins with exposure. What will you say when you divorce? will you lie about the reasons?

Affairs stink. they are lose lose situations until you grab it by the horns and turn it around.

Do you love your wife? Expose her. Let her see (just like we do with our kids) there are consequences.

Do you love your kids? Let them see that you won't tolerate sin in your house.

Do you love yourself? Expose this thing and let everyone know you are not silently cuckholed into this and you are fighting against it.

I know this makes you all sick, I totally understand. I have talked to two Pastors and the councelor of the other family. It is too early as things are still "unstable" at the moment. I have my kids and this kid to worry about, not dealing with mature adults, but kids.

My Pastor has dealt with this before and said that what I want is not in the best interest of the kids. If it was an adult, he would agree with me/MB. It is a delicate situation at this moment.

I see the same refusal to implement the MB programme as I saw when you posted about UA time earlier this year. It seems to me that you have intention of exposing, and your pastor's advice is exactly the justification you need for doing nothing.

I am doing something, not making a knee jerk reaction.

Last spring I did start spending more UA time, not the 15, but more than I had.

I understand if you all want to come after me, and that is fine, I can handle it. Support or not, I will keep you all updated.

You are fogged up as any WW. You're letting fear control your decisions. You're taking affair advice from someone that is not an expert on affairs instead of the Harley's.

You are going no where because you confuse posting on MB with as the same as doing MB.

The land of denial in not in egypt but the fantasy land in your own head.

You come to MB not seeking the right steps to be taken but wanting confirmation that what you want to do is the right thing.

Well you are being told by countless people. People that are affair experts because they have lived with it and gone through it and now are on the other side.

How many affairs has your priest personally gone through?

How has your priest dealt with his own personal WW?

Is it zero?

This is just more of the same conflict avoidance and refusal to ever address your problems that you have demonstated over the years on this forum. And every time you come back the ante is higher because you refuse to ever act. You always have an excuse why you can't act. You are a a conflict avoider extraordinaire. Well, guess what, Mr LL, your 2 "pastors" who have advised you to continue to be a liar and an aider and abetter of this crime won't be first in line to stand before God answering for this. YOU WILL. It will be on you for lying to these people. It will be on you for lying to your children. It will be on you for helping your wife continue to be a despicable, low human being.

You are fully resonsible for your lies, LuckyLad. Not your pastor and not your "counselor." YOU.

You should be ashamed, Sir.

Telling the truth to the parents of this molested child is a "knee jerk reaction?" That is a sick and warped comment to make. How could it possibly ever be the wrong thing to tell the truth? Only when a) you are avoiding conflict and b) your goal is to protect the molestor at the expense of the child.

ok i start tomorrow

Thank God. God will bless you if you do the right thing, LL. We will be here to suppport you, my friend.

Thank goodness. Do you need any help devising a plan for tomorrow? Do you have any questions that the posters here can answer before tomorrow? What is it that you will do, exactly?

Praying for you and your wife, LuckyLad.

I will be working but can call people on the phone, is that wrong? I will start with my parents to kind of "ease" into how it will go with kids and the boy's parents. Then her parents. Kids and the boy's parents will be face to face, I can't do that over the phone. I don't see any reason to tell anyone else, for now. It will spread like a fire in this 7K pop town.

This is really going to hurt my parents today. Please pray for my parents as it will be tough for them. I might tell her parents, too. Please pray for them also, they will be devastated I'm sure.

This will most likely end our marriage, but it is for the best of everyone in the end.

It will spread like a fire in this 7K pop town....I might tell her parents, too.

As brutal as it will be for you to endure, LL, it would be a charity of immeasurable value for her parents to hear it from you, not the local gossip-witch.

Why in the world would you want to be married to a child molester???

I will be praying for you, LuckyLad. Please be strong and go do the right thing!

LuckyLad, I would also be prepared for your wife to be very angry. You are going to have to let her have a melt down while you take care of your sons. They come first. And whatever you do, don't leave your home. Your boys need you more than ever now. If she wants to separate, she can go live in the apartment.

God Bless you, LuckyLad!