Found her. Drove by the house today to confirm where it is. Have her supervisors information and work address. VAR is still in his car. So far nothing.

Good job. So do you have the name of the husband?

However you contact him (preferably a phone call) I'd send it to his work address. Hopefully, you know where he works?

You could try a certified letter to his house with restricted delivery, but I've had a case where "restricted delivery" didn't really jive with the mail carrier. You sure as hell don't want it to be intercepted.

I contacted the wife of my FWW's boyfriend at her job. She couldn't say much over the phone, but I gave her my number and she called me back when it was convenient. It wasn't fun ruining someone's day at work, but she thanked me nonetheless.

Yes I have his name and the company name is a little odd. I have his email as well. Just not sure how open they are with their email. I will keep working on getting further details.

I'd just try a phone call. Tell him who you are and why you're calling--that you wanted him to know and want him to use his influence to keep her away from your husband. Ask him if he can talk right now. Give him your number to call you back if he has any questions.

You're doing the right thing.

Well its out, all is exposed and I really believe it is over for right now because he is so freaking depressed that I can't stand it. He actually apologized and said he is tired of hurting me, tired of feeling like a skum bag and wants to do the right thing. Yeah I will believe that when I see it. I am continuing to monitor and all the things I was doing. I now have access to his work computer 24/7. I just can't stand the state of limbo were in. How long do I wait for him to get engaged and get through this wthdrawal. I am tired of doing everything for him and competing with this fantasy world of affairs and flirtations. He's sad because all his fun is over. Well I am tired of the only one doing the work. I am tired of waiting. How to keep myself motivated and ready to work.

You exposed to the workplace? Has he agreed to leave or is OW leaving?

workplace is yet to be figured out. Right now they (the company is weighing it's options) termination or to let him or her resign. That is yet to be clear.

What did her husband say?

It sounds like his company is trying to do the right thing.

We've all been there. Once he's truly out of the affair, that fog will start to lift. If the affair is over and NC is in place, give it a little time. It stinks, but that's what it takes. Hang in there!

Have you considered phone counseling?

husband of OW was not happy obviously but thanked me for calling him and said he would do his part to see that it stopped. I told him to call me anytime if he wanted to discuss or compare notes. have not considered phone counseling. we are going to marriage counseling now that sometimes is helpful.

Does your husband know that OW's husband knows?

If you haven't told him and he mentions something about it, then that would mean that he and OW are still in contact.

If it were me, I'd tell him you spoke to OW's husband and that he was beyond pissed off about it. The fear of a vengeful husband may be a good thing, every now and then.

If the situation comes up, whenever you refer to the OW don't call her by name. Refer to her as "Bill's wife" or whatever his name is. You want to reinforce the idea that she's someone's wife. Ideally, though, her name would never be mentioned again.

I'd set a mental timeline as far as waiting for the job situation to be resolved. If his company just kind of lets it slide, then it'd be up to you to force a resolution with him quitting if he wants to stay married.

While his moping around is understandable, it's certainly not worthy of any pity at some point you'll have to tell him to grow up, cut the crap and make up his mind. He's either in or he's out and you're not going to put up with it any longer.

Forgot to ask...

Has your husband actually agreed to NC or do you think he's just taking a backseat to doing anything?

I think he is so miserable now that he is just waiting to see what happens. He knows that the OW husband knows I told him all who I contacted so there were no surprises waiting for me. He still continues to think he can work where he does. He says that he doesn't see her that often and while it was fun engaging in the playful talk he knows he can stop it. IDK on that one. I am just in a waiting period right now. I am monitoring everything and I will know if it starts back up. I am mentally ready for Plan B just not emotionally ready for anything these days. The anger and depression were more than what I bargained for. It's worse then before the affairs. EA and PA. Now he is miserable I wonder if it truly will subside or is it that he really just doesn't want to be married to me anymore and that this is just what he has to go to in order to prove that to me. Scary thoughts.

Well I can't say things are perfect but they are definitely improving. Talking a lot. Spending time together. He seems to still struggle with the fact that I could possibly stll want this marriage after all that has happened. I think he thought I would kick him out immediately. My actions and my desired to "fix" the marriage have taken him off guard. I told him that is why his actions were so selfish and immature - he made assumptions and made decisions with considering both of us. Not sure exactly where he is at in his head but he definitely seems more engaged. I guess just keep taking one day at a time. My physician did put me on some antidepressants which I am waiting to kick in. Hopefully these will help me focus more on my work and day to day responsibilties outside of the mess of my marriage. Monitoring of his activities still continues.