Call and leave a message on their answering machine. send them a letter or email explaining what happened between your wife and their child.

Have you told your kids yet?

Melody, yes we have been talking to a local pastor. You guys all got mad cause I was trusting him over MB and you all. I've actually talked to 3 in this town and one counselor in another town an hr away. They all told me not to expose this to the kids parents or my kids.

What are you referencing? We're telling you to expose to the child's parents, and you're posting this.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SIT DOWN WITH THAT BOY'S PARENTS AND LET THEM KNOW THAT YOUR WIFE HAD SEX WITH HIM?

I think that's the main question, and the main thing you need to accomplish. You haven't done that. WHY?

Surely you have one pastor in your town who knows right from wrong and would be willing to call these parents in for a meeting with you? If you have no upright clergy in your town, then who could do this?

Also, have you told your kids before they hear it second hand?

They have no machine, CV, and I'm sure they wouldn't open my email. I'd have to send a letter.

Why has this boy's parents not been told? Can the question be asked more directly?

Why, LL? Please answer.

So send an overnight letter for 20 bucks. Come on.

I can't even talk to them bliss. Did you not read my post?

LL, why not ask your own pastor or their pastor to call a meeting in his office and tell them there?

Out. I don't get it, and the lack of exposure and protection of this boy.

Trust ML.

LL,

I understand your trust for your pastor. I for one am not as on board with the whole clergy distrust thing as some. Nor do I think all therapists are bad. BUT!!! I do agree that you have been given some bad advise in this case. Mel's right, you need to talk to another pastor about your sitch. Get a second opinion. Send it by snail mail if you must.

Modern therapy/psychology does NOT advocate exposure. This is a commonly (though less and less) taught thing to potential counselors/therapists. One thing I've learned in counseling classes is that not all the techniques you learn are good ones. Some are downright dangerous.

For instance, many counselors advocate that when a spouse discovers their partner's affair they never give any details because it makes recovery harder. It is de-facto lying that they are advocating. It is omission of the truth and in fact, it has been found out that this actually is MORE detrimental to recovery.

One of the neat things about marriage builders is that exposure and full disclosure of the facts, while on the surface being detrimental, actually works to the positive. What it does is deal with correcting the behavior.

The reason it is successful is because someone (Dr. H) took the time to consider a host of other factors playing into how we act and react in affairs and out and incorporates them in building a comprehensive (and ridiculously easy) plan for recovering marriage and recovering from infidelity.
Trust us, this stuff works.

cv

PS. unfortunately, many pastors are trained in this modern approach to counseling (not mb)and crisis counseling in marriages is sadly lacking.

ML, not getting you here. Not getting lack if exposure, etc.

Marital was on point...

Still do not get the lack of exposure to a minor's parents.

>>MINOR<<<

Hello?

You must have me confused with someone else. I have no idea what you are talking about.

"BUT!!! I do agree that you have been given some bad advise in this case. Mel's right, you need to talk to another pastor about your sitch. Get a second opinion. Send it by snail mail if you must."

I wasnt suggesting he get a second opinion, he knows what to do. He has to tell these parents. I don't give a rip what some pastor or therapist says. My only reason for getting a pastor involved at all was to facilitate the exposure to the boys parents. A local pastor could call the parents to come there and LL could tell them.

He has already received too many bad opinions, now is the time to take action.

I agree with what you said about modern psy/therapy; that is one of the reasons it is so destructive to marriage. It is devoid of reason, common sense and basic moral decency.

"Modern therapy/psychology does NOT advocate exposure. This is a commonly (though less and less) taught thing to potential counselors/therapists. One thing I've learned in counseling classes is that not all the techniques you learn are good ones. Some are downright dangerous. "

Another reason why Dr Harley is successful where others fail. He is far and away more effective than the pack that produces 84% failure rates.

What CAN you do LL? Of course there is a way to reach them its just a matter of choosing, letter/third party/school priciple

Which one WILL you do?

And is exposure to your children done?

Yes. I did. I've read every post you've put up, explaining why you can't tell them. You've been throwing out excuses (many and varied) from Day 1. Now you're telling us that people don't open doors, or if they door they take one look at you and slam it in your face. They don't answer the phone. They're not home. They don't have an answering machine. Ad nauseum.

Did you read OUR posts? Are you going to sit there and tell me that a member of the clergy is advocating that you hide the sexual abuse of a child, and you're okay with that?

But you told us a few days ago you decided to do the right thing and quit concealing the crime.

So now you're back to waffling on it, for selfish and irrational reasons. Selfish, because really it's not that you trust your pastor over MB -- it's that you asked around until someone told you what you wanted to hear, and you believe you are picking your marriage over helping this boy and his parents. And irrational, because exposure is actually the best chance your marriage has, so what you are choosing is lessening your chances.