I The advice was to Plan B immediately as my WH had just failed a polygraph. It was said that my marriage would likely die a slow death if I didn't do this. Guess what??? My marriage has been dying slowly.... go figure.
Anyway, I finally broke down and ordered a GPS tracker from Itrail. Darn if my WH didn't get the package when it came. When he asked, I just brushed it off as a new book I had ordered for a bible study. Nothing was ever said about it again, but I notioed he had been doing some investigating on my computer. With itrail, or brickhouse, they continually email you ads. So, WH didn't know what I ordered, but knew something was up. I finally got it all working and low and behold. I found out that he lied to me. Why he lied and what he did, I don't know, but that is all I thinkk I need to know in order to completely execute my Plan B. Okay, help please.
Here is background info: Suspected flirting with co-worker, confronted him with suspision (now 6 years ago) he denied and told me if I continued to believe it, it could end up a self-fulfilled prophecy. I stuffed all my anger for awhile, even told him 4 years ago i didn't want to hear anything more about her. then he ended up working closely with her 3 years ago and red flags were a flying. i played detective and found out through his co-workers that she was getting a divorce. He was receiving emails from her secretly, and definetly major flirting was going on at work in front of other workers. we have been in couseling for 3 years, he denied solid evidence for a year and a half, supposedly he now has nothing to hide, but there are still many lies he is telling and never quite explained. I didn't respond very well to the deception or gaslighting then, but I am now ready to do whatever I need to do to save this marriage or be done with it.
I am done being stressed, frustrated, helpless etc...,

Sorry, Somehow the beginning of my post was omitted.
Here it is. I was on this site about a year ago after my WH failed a polygraph and advice was given at the time to Plan B, I didn't think I was ready then. But things are now to a point where I am feeling stronger in that decision and I have recent eveidence of betrayal. No details, just know he lied about when and where etc...,
I haven't executed the Plan B letter yet, so any link or thread would be helpful.

*LINK* to "How to Plan B correctly" .... this Plan B step-by-step advice is found in Notable Posts.

*LINK* to Plan B letter samples .... also found in Notable Posts

LOTS of helpful information is found here ... but it is often overlooked by newcomers.

Thank you Pepperband, I will proceed to checkout.

You're welcome.
If you post your Plan B letter draft on this thread, other MBers will critique it for you.
If you like ....

I am having trouble located the Plan B and Plan B letter articles or info on how to proceed. Not acomputer wiz so any help would be appreciated.

Ready for critique.....
Dear H,
I love you very much. I have given you my all these past years. We have had so many wonderful times together just sitting on the back porch or driving down the road. I believe you and I have the potential for a wonderful marriage that we both can enjoy for the rest of our lives.
Having you in my life has been such a blessing, yes even through our struggles I realize how much we both have grown.
I am sure you are aware of the frustration I have been feeling over the past 3 1/2 years. In order to preserve my sanity and also what is left of my love for you, I must distance myself from the deception.
My goal is not to punish you, but to work with you to create a healthy relationship that will last the rest of our lives. I will continue to work on my part of the problem which is responding to you in a way that will be helpful, not hurtful. I can see how that has played into the mess we are now in.

I will be ready and willing to discuss our future together as soon as you are able to acknowledge and take responsibility for the lies. It is impossible to reconcile until you are willing to be open and honest with me (future, past and present).
For now, I am in need of some peace.
I have asked our friends x and x, to be a bridge for us as I can not see you or talk to you until you decide for sure that you are ready to be honest. If there is anything that you need to discuss with me, please put it in writing and let them deliver it to me.

the only thing I would add is that YOU must take some responsibility for the deterioration of your marriage that allowed the A to occur. I don't know your particular story, but unless your H is s serial cheater, affairs are symptoms of a much larger problem in the marriage, not usually the cause. If your marriage had gone significantly off the rails, I think it would be helpful to your H that you acknowledge this.

Your letter says nothing about you accepting responsibility or what YOU are willing to do in order save your marriage. It's all pointed at him. I think you would get further if you did those two things.

If I was your H, I would read this as a very one-sided thing and I would be less inclined to respond directly or through an intermediary

*edit*

from what I read, I can't tell whether your H wants to save your marriage or not. I think it takes the commitment of both parties, does it not? If I was sitting on the fence on my marriage, being forced into a polygraph, having my wife trying to put trackers on me, and then not taking any responsibility for her actions in this letter would tend to drive me off. that's just a male POV, but that's how I would react. I'd probably wash my hands of the whole thing and start over again -- alone or with someone else.

Blah Blah Blah Blah........

Please don't listen to this, this is just garbage.

Insider, Thanks for your imput.
my marriage was actually pretty good, or so i thought until I realized my H's deceptive ways. I found out that he had done similar things in both his previous marriages. Does that make him a serial cheater?
Still, I know that my reaction to him doing this wasn't what was helpful. I hAve learned alot from D. Harley's books and understand now how to respond. I can expand on that so that it isn't all one sided.
As for the GPS, I think you need to do some more investigating on why it is absolutely crucial to have in place. This is why I have been in the situation I have been for so long. I didn't have solid evidence, and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. i almost returned it after i got it. THank GOD I didn't. I have read story after story of BS's thinking they didn't need this and then when they do some investigating (you call it deception) they find out they have been the fool. NO MORE, ENOUGH.
My H tells me he has nothing to hide. The GPS says differently. If I didn't have the proof, I'd have nothing to confront him with.
My H tells me he wants to be with me and that our problem is that I don't trust him. He is right, I don't trust him, and for very good reasons. Not some jealous concoctions, actual proof of lies. The reason I had him take the lie detector test was because I wanted to believe him.
Now I am unsure of anything he tells me.
He will have to prove himself if he truly wants to be with me and work on our marriage.
If he choses to wash his hands of the whole thing. that's his choice. But, I will protect the sanctity of our marriage with whatever means neccessary.

Were either of you married to other people when you met? Have you been married in the past? Was there any infidelity in that marriage?

You say that your WH had affairs in both of his other marriages, did you know that before you married him?

We were both divorced at the time we met.
I have also been married 2 times previously.
There was an EA in both of my previous marriages (by me).
I learned his 2nd EXW had accused him of cheating (with several people) after I married him. Accusations only, no proof of it, so he denied it and I believed him until recently.

Did your WH know of your infidelity in your previous marriages?

Do the 2 of you have COM?

Yes, I explained it to him before we married. It wasn't thought to be infidelity at the time because no PA,
what is COM?

I like Reading's edits.

Looks good to me, anyone else want to chime in?