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I can't even talk to them bliss. Did you not read my post? You didn't read bliss's post -- go to the boy's school.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I wasnt suggesting he get a second opinion, he knows what to do. He has to tell these parents. I don't give a rip what some pastor or therapist says. My only reason for getting a pastor involved at all was to facilitate the exposure to the boys parents. A local pastor could call the parents to come there and LL could tell them.
I think that's a grand idea. Finding a local pastor to facilitate exposure. Particularly in a neutral place like the church.
He has already received too many bad opinions, now is the time to take action.
100000% on board and in agreement!
I agree with what you said about modern psy/therapy; that is one of the reasons it is so destructive to marriage. It is devoid of reason, common sense and basic moral decency. cv
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Another idea. Don't talk to the principle. Talk to the guidance counselor. In our district at least, the principle will not get involved unless it goes through them first. She/he may be able to facilitate a meeting at the school.
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Lucky lad already AGREED to inform the boys parents. I don't know why that is being discussed again. LL knows the right thing to do. My suggestion was only to have a pastor FACILITATE the exposure. I don't give a rip if 200 pastors say dont expose, that is wrongheaded, immoral advice that should be ignored.
The issue, from my perspective, is getting the truth to the boys parents.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I think they plan b'd me. I sent out letters, hand written and signed. I have not told pastors or anyone, only here. I sat my kids down and started to talk and they said they didn't want to hear it or talk about it and began to cry. I didn't even get to the affair part or who it was, I'm sure they know and just don't want to face it right now. I'm taking it slow with them and will let them open up to me.
I'm also having problems again with eating and sleeping, this sucks again. I'm also having problems with my selfish need to get a divorce. I now believe in aliens and they have taken my old wife and put the mind of an 18 yr old in there. It's like having 3 teenagers around at times. I need a bigger hammer!(just a joke)
Next week I talk to the pastors again, I'd like them to talk to the parents of the boy and her parents. Maybe they will listen to them. But I must convince them to expose, first. This whole Penn State deal may open their eyes a bit.
DDay 9.10.11
Me:BH
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Oh I see. So you tried to expose to the boy's parents and your sons and they all stopped you? Therefore you couldn't expose.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am insulted and offended by that story.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I think they plan b'd me. I sent out letters, hand written and signed. I have not told pastors or anyone, only here. I sat my kids down and started to talk and they said they didn't want to hear it or talk about it and began to cry. I didn't even get to the affair part or who it was, I'm sure they know and just don't want to face it right now. I'm taking it slow with them and will let them open up to me. You kids started to cry even before you told them that their mother had had an affair? Why did you let their crying stop you from finishing what you had to say, simply and quickly? What had you said to get them to the point where they were crying? Who did you send the hand-written letters to? What day did you post them?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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This thread is long and it has been hard to get answers from you and I don't have time to plough through all this, so could you please tell me simply, here:
How old are your kids?
Who do they live with now?
What reason have they been given for your separation from your wife?
Do they see her?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Oh I see. So you tried to expose to the boy's parents and your sons and they all stopped you? Therefore you couldn't expose. The boy's parents know, unless they didn't read my letter. My kids know.
DDay 9.10.11
Me:BH
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Oh I see. So you tried to expose to the boy's parents and your sons and they all stopped you? Therefore you couldn't expose. The boy's parents know, unless they didn't read my letter. My kids know. *sigh* What do your kids know?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And how would they know since their own father can't even manage to tell truth to his own kids? That is way over his head.
What really happened here? Did your wife bully you into not telling them? I am really disgusted because my thanks for spending all this time here is some bullcrap story designed to cover up the fact that you chickened out. I am insulted and aggravated.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I didn't even get to the affair part or who it was, I think you're playing us, LL. First you tell us that you 'didn't even get to the affair part' which means you didn't tell them. Then you say But you don't know that because you didn't tell them! You came here originally, saying there was an affair that could not be exposed. You threw up every roadblock known to man to avoid exposing. Your main concern at that time was to find out how long withdrawal lasted - from an affair where your WW was having sex with a boy!  How long withdrawal lasts should have been the least of your worries! Anyway - fast-forward to today. The bottom line is this, LL - if you are looking for validation for not exposing the sexual abuse of a minor child, you won't find it here. My advice to you remains the same: Call the school guidance counselor and principal and tell them you would like to schedule a meeting with them regarding one of their students. Don't give them more information than that. Just get the appointment. Make sure they understand that you would like both of them to be at the meeting. They will not refuse to do this! They are in a position of trust regarding children and are required by law to report abuse. Why have you not done this?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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