Don't make assumptions on how he'll react to your letter. Give it to him anyway.

UNLESS: you are ready to D. That is your right and no one will fault you if you choose to do so. If you don't want to go to Plan B, go straight to Plan D.

Thanks, mb, I just now fixed that. Embarrassing when I do that.

Maryse, you don't need to make any steadfast decisions right now, all you need to do is get yourself protected, and healed enough to make the decision more rationally.

Take some time in Plan B. You will be surprised at how your emotions can affected how you think about things. Get into the safety of Plan B, and after a time, you can decide what is the best option for you, and this way, all of your options are still available, should you so choose.

Not really as simple as that. I'm pretty sure he is seeing a solicitor next week, and after filing the petition, here in the UK it only takes 4 to 6 months for the final divorce to come through. All he has claim is 'unreasonable behaviour' and the courts here are not particularly interested in what these are or if it has been beefed up by the solicitor to strengthen the claim.
I can defend the petition, but that will just end up costing me a lot of money and it's not going to stop anything.
I'm seeing a solicitor myself next week to see what my options exactly look like and what action/precautions to take.

Maryse this is just how I felt when advised to go into Plan B.

I couldnt comprehend sending him a 'love letter' when I wanted to throw furniture at his head.

My WH was also just as mad about exposure and his behaviour to me was vile. He is still unrepentantly wayward five months on.

Yet I thank God I managed the find the coolness of head to write my Plan B letter, as it was my salvation.

What you have ahead of you Maryse is very difficult (Unless you really are 'done' and can divorce no problem and few people are). In some ways what you have ahead is as difficult as Dday.

Shutting the door on someone you love, even someone you are so angry at, feels like the death of the relationship and the grief is sudden and overpowering.

It gets better in the peace of Plan B - but you have to get through withdrawal without contacting your h and that is more difficult than it sounds.

I didnt anticipate how much I would long for his voice, his smell, or to just know where he was and what he was doing.

Was he starting to regret losing me? I would wonder and I would long to peek out of Plan B. Only the Plan B letter stopped me.

I had made myself clear. I had made the way back easy for him. There was no need for me to peek. I could stop wondering what he was thnking of me. I could stop spying. So long as there was silence, I knew what his answer was.

He has tried to break Plan B many times so he can continue to control me and cake eat. I havent let him. Whenever I get tempted i remind myself that he has written instructions showing him the RIGHT way home.

It doesnt mean I will let him either - I will just consider it at the time

I am proud of my Plan B letter. When I was kicked in the teeth, when I was bleeding, I had strength, courage, dignity and grace. All the Plan Bers do. I repaid crazy and cruel taunts with calm and loving words. I replied to vague cake eating promises with firm, fair boundaries. I told him it was possible for us to be happy again - IF and only if - he undid his cruelty to me with NC.

If you can go to a D without a single regret or 'what if' then go do so, who could blame you?

But if you are a fellow passenger on the emotional rollercoaster, I recommend the Plan B letter.

I go into Plan B on around p15 of my thread if you would like to have a read...

You can still be dark as night during those 4-6 months and decide what you want to do. It really is that simple. There have been MANY marriages which have been saved in the 11th hour, but that is only if YOU wish it, when the time comes.

It would still benefit you to go into a dark Plan B. Filing for a D can also happen while in Plan B, especially if you need to protect yourself financially or for custody. It is often recommended.

Are you ready for Plan B? Do you have a letter done? If you post it on here(removing all identifying words of course), then we can all help you edit it. And just because you enter Plan B, doesn't mean you can't decide to not recover your marriage in the future. I am going to stay in Plan B for as long as my WH is in his A with OW, even if that means Lifelong NC.

PS - The Plan B letter also throws a great wrench in the affair. He keeps the letter (he will, hes a wayward who loves attention) she will find it (all OW are jealous)

I also sent a copy to the OW as advised in SAA.

EXCELLENT POST(as usual) INDIE.

I've got a plan B letter, based in parts on ones I found on MB, and in part written by me. I will send it, if only so he knows that I am no longer part of his 'new' life.
But I guess that suits him just fine just now; no me means no guilt, no accountability, no reality to infiltrate his new perfect world.
But it's a good idea to put my boundaries to him in writing, in the loving, respectful way I've always treated him.
The funny thing is that I am not really angry anymore; it sort of washed off me after informing his manager, colleagues and HR department.
I'm calmer, and though it still hurts (don't need to tell any of you that) I am accepting the fact that I have lost him, at least for now if not forever.

Oh, and a really big THANK YOU for all you out there. I do not know any of you, yet you provide great support and are the sounding board every BS needs in their time of crisis.

I KNOW, MB is GREAT isn't it?

I can't speak for everyone else here, but I am just paying it forward.

We all need friends that can relate and I know it was my safe place to vent and figure out what my next move was going to be...........
I think it helped me from losing it all together.........
Hang in there Maryse, you will get there too.........

If he has said hes is going to see a solicitor about a D, I would take that with a pinch of salt.

Of course he could well be.

It just that 99 per cent of them say that in pure reaction to exposure. Others say it and mean it, but are too lazy/ confused / stupid to get around to actually doing it. Waywards are not good at taking care of business.

Im in the UK too and have filed for divorce.

My h also threatened me months back with an 'ugly' divorce when I exposed his A.

Yet the silly dizzy wayward was too busy feeling sorry for himself to file. I had to do it this week to protect finances.

DO go see a solicitor, get all the advice, get all your plans together (read Art of War thread!) be ready for anything...

Just dont ever take the word of a wayward that's all!

I know for a fact he's flying into the UK early next Friday, there's not really any other reason for him to do so then to get a hold of our legal & financial papers (which I've made copies of and stored at work) and see a solicitor.

Like I said he may well file.

But there are other alternatives you should prepare for.

Following your exposure he may well plan on seeing you in person for any number of wayward reasons.

To keep you on the back burner/ to cake eat through a 'friendship' (ha) with you/ to vent at you/ demonise you for exposure/remove evidence from your home/damage control his reputation with people in UK

He may also just want to be around you to spy and see how serious you are and what other unpleasant consequences you might make him face.

Just be prepared for anything. Be prepared for him to file and be prepared for him not to file.

Art of War - The general that makes the most calculations is victorious.

Thanx Indie, I'll keep your advice in mind. Whereabouts in the UK are you based, maybe we could compare notes over coffee sometime?
I am based in the Midlands.

Well, I got a letter from the solicitors today, stating WH has instructed them to proceed with the divorce petition.
They also mentioned my exposure email as 'wholly inappropriate' and that my exposing my WH's affair to his colleagues 'may have jeopardised his position of employment'.

Am I missing something here? Isn't his questionable behaviour to blame for putting his career on the line?
It would be funny if it wasn't all so damn tragic.

My husband, the guy I knew, loved & would have died for, has vanished. I have no idea who this angry, bitter replacement is :-(

Maryse,

Amazing isn't it I am so sorry you are going through all this.......the guy you married is gone, he did things that changed him inside and that makes him angry, they never think of the outcome and the logistics of real life after the fantasy life becomes reality.........
He jeopardised his own employment, you didn't do anything other than tell the truth.......
Some day you might be able to laugh at how stupid they sound......all of them not just your wayward............it's like they lose their brain power.....they think with their little heads instead............hehe!!!
Just take care of yourself and let him go.......don't waste your time on this version of your husband............
hugs......I know today is a tough day for you.........jessi

Im in liverpool! Bit far for coffee, but oh well....





BAD Maryse!

A solicitor has called you 'inappropriate'! I dont think their digs at you would pass the 'so what?' test

You notice they mention nothing about defamation, or it being illegal, or afecting the D, or what their point is at all.

Of course I do not need to tell you HIS actions endangered his employment, not your revelation of it.

Either the solicitors are complete morons (this would be v good for you) or WH has leaned hard on them to threaten you and that's the best they could come up with.

Have a chuckle and move on.

You're doing brilliantly.

They stated that if I sent anymore emails that they would advise my WH to issue a Non-Molestation Application against me 'to prevent further harassment'... Absolutely laughable, and it just goes to show my WH has completely lost the plot.