Not without a plan. You are going to GET WORSE if you don't do something. I see no plan here. Hope is not a plan.

Please listen to the advice on here. I felt the same way as you. But once you really listen to these amazing people, do as they suggest, yes it will be hard at first, but you know what, you learn that it is really for the best. You find comfort in knowing that you are doing the right thing.

For me personally I am waiting for it all to explode for my WH. It will hit him so hard. I have a feeling it won't be too long now. But I feel good with my decisions regarding my WH. I have come to term with it and I am not trying to score a goal with a deflated soccer ball anymore. I will be here if and when he needs me to help pick himself up.
I am learning everyday on here, both from the BS & WS point of view. And that helps allot.

Hang in there, listen and learn.

I think she is realizing the work that is involved and really doesn't want to have to do all of that...it's too much work for her...

If you can spare the time, read my story, linked below.

My FWH used to work with his OW, then hired her on as his employee. She was very persistent, to say the least, whenever she sensed him pulling away.

And yet once he was serious about ending it, NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING she could do (and DID do) made the least difference to him.

Of course I had read all of your posts. Some were helpful, some suggested I am to blame. I don't get online a lot and mostly I just read when I do.

Neak, I read your story, and could very much relate to it. The caricatures of the people in your life make for a real page-turner. I do see what you mean about H deciding that its over, and then there being nothing at all a persistent psychopathic OW can possibly do to perpetuate anything.

I am prepared to cut my losses and pursue life on my own with my kids without H if he allows her to contact him again. The whole thing is so sick and digusting to me, that yes, I was on the verge of giving up on him, after all this time doing my very best at being the wife he always wanted and it still wasn't enough to stop lying to me and cheating on me, until he understood that he was going to lose me.

Maybe it is my fault for not being more forceful sooner. There was a long period when the affair was over. Try if you can not to blast me so much. I have come here to talk about this, not to be judged or ridiculed.

I don't know what the chances of success are, with 3 D-days and an almost year-long clandestine extramarital relationship involving sexual harrassment at work. Do you know of any data on recidivism rates?

Are they still working together? If so, the recidivism rate is about 100%.

What has happened since the last time you posted? Anything?

aint,

I haven't seen anywhere if you have exposed the affair to the OW's family or husband. If you haven't, that should be done ASAP. Do not warn your husband that you are going to do this.


You must understand that your husband is lying to you. He tells you that he doesn't want OW to call or talk to him. He says he feels sorry for her.

Meanwhile, when he talks to her, he tells her he loves her, and he is trying to be nice to you "for the kids".

Your husband is a liar. You absolutely need to understand that everything he tells you is to pacify you. He is telling you what you want to hear, and also telling her what she wants to hear.

He is doing this because he wants -

HE WANTS

HE WANTS WHAT HE WANTS WHEN HE WANTS IT.

There is no other reason.

The affair is about YOUR HUSBAND.

It is NOT about the OW.


Your husband is going along with this, and then he is also throwing OW under the bus (which, IMHO, is where she belongs....as long as the bus has many, many wheels). Only he tells her that she is not under the bus.

This is also an issue of sexual harassment in the workplace because she was/is a supervisor.

She may lose her job. The affair, however, will likely continue in spite of that, because your WH will feel even MORE sorry for her.

You need to act now.


Expose to OW's family and husband if she has one.

Have your husband's bags packed and ready to go for him.

Tell him that he has one chance, and that time is right this moment. Point to the door, and say,

"You are 100% in this marriage with ME, only, or you must leave. Any other choice except a 100% commitment, and you must walk out now. If you stay, you have to know there will be lots of very hard work ahead, and this will NOT be the easy way out. In fact, this will be the very hardest thing you have ever faced in your life. We can get through this affair, and I know that you have likely had a physical affair with OW - what we cannot survive is having your OW in the middle of our marriage, and you continuing to contact her and have her in your life. We cannot continue to survive all of your lies.

You choose. Stay or go. Choose now, and make sure it is exactly what you want."


If he stays, the next thing you need for him to do is to understand the no contact letter, the EPs, and Radical Honesty.


Because he must tell you about his physical affair.

He has been sexually involved with her, and you need to be prepared to hear that.


He will try to lie about it. He is afraid that if he tells you everything, you will immediately divorce him. Be ready to hear his confession. Be ready for the worst.

File for an order of protection against the skanky and desperate posow and get it done NOW. If your wh doesn't want to end things w/her and TAKE THE MB EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS necessary to end the affair FOR LIFE...then he is out on his azz.

HAVE you exposed to posow's h? Does her H know she is a skank? I think he should find out like yesterday.

And I would consult an attny to begin charges of sexual harassment against the ow, and do let them know she has threatened you, citing that she and your WH are in love and blah blah blah, which confirms her sexual harassment of a coworker who works under her.

If wh will not commit 100 percent TODAY to extraordinary precautions and END FOR LIFE the affair, then when he leaves for work tomorrow, smile, kiss him goodbye, and tonight make his favorite meal and give him happy memories...because when he leaves tomorrow YOU GO PLAN B.

that means locks are changed, and his clothes are out on the lawn for all the world to see and the plan b note is taped to them. Btw, please get yourself tested for stds' at your doctors' immediately.

YOu can beat this affair!!! You stand strong against it. Sweetie, you've been thru too much and it's time to take a stand for YOURSELF. I know you've been hurting, but we have a plan here. and it works. Whether the wayward stays or goes in the end, Marriage Builders works. Just read my signature line and you'll see.

Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see where anyone was blaming you. The A was not, and is not, and will never be your fault.

What you will be blamed for is if you do not take the steps QUICKLY to protect your own health and well-being from a long, terrible period of abuse.

He has abused you for more than 7 months. Now that you have had a chance to learn a different way - a better way - you are responsible to safeguard yourself from further abuse.

MB is the very best chance you have for marital recovery, and the same plan will lead you to a complete personal recovery whether your M makes it or not.

You are right. The whole thing was abuse, to me and to the kids.
The affair is over. H is not in contact with OW, and is spending the rest of his life making it up to me. He said he'd been insane, wasn't thinking straight, has been stupid and foolish, and apologizes to me over and over again. There have been many confessions about every horrible detail, and even though it makes me angry I want to know it all so it will never ever happen again.
We spend all out leisure time together or with our children, and we have no more separate activities from eachother.
He has not worked with OW in 6 months. It is a chain of retail stores, and when someone gets a phone call, it is answered by the front desk and the other employees know about it. All of her numbers (including business # she was transferred to 35 miles away) are blocked from calling our cell phones because of the harrassment.
She has threatened to pursue charges of defamation of character against me for the exposure to her family on 10/16/11. I wish I'd included her fam in the original exposure 3/12/11 when I found out; I told OUR whole families AND our kids (didn't know about MB back then), but she kept after him because she'd suffered no consequenses until recently.
Prior to the affair with my H, OW's H was forcibly removed from her home 2 years ago for violent abuse of OW. I did not see a need to expose to him.

I had wanted to go to plan B, but was not sure how to do it. We have two 7-year-olds. I work full time and pay the bills. H takes the kids to school and picks them up and works part time and does the household chores.
I'd thought about writing the Plan B letter and taking the kids and disappearing with them, but they would miss school, and I would have to get off work for an indefinite period of leave. And wouldn't there be consequenses to me for kidnapping and/or abandonment? How would I get custody if Plan B had gone wrong, after yanking the kids out of school so irresponsibly?
Those are the things that stopped me.

Are they divorced? Do they live together?

In Plan B, you would ask him to leave. Plan B is a separation. Has he taken steps to end all contact with the OW? What has he done to ensure she can't get through? Has anything changed at all?

Melody, they are not divorced and they do not live together.

When I asked him to leave after D-day, he told me it's his house too, and I could leave, but he was not leaving. When I asked a lawyer about it, he said that was true: "There is no Marriage Police", and we'd have to undergo a year's separation while living under the same roof and being "civil" while he continued to do as he liked. (Or I could move out and support 2 households.)

OW has been publicly embarrassed in front of many of their colleagues from several store locations. She harrassed H and was rejected and ignored in front of everyone and no longer thinks my H "loves" her and not me. (long and seedy story)

I am sure she will try to call him again - at work - in 2 or 3 months. He is to say "Don't call me again" and hang up and then tell me. This has happened several times before the humiliation. If he ever speaks to her again and doesnt tell me immediately, I am filing for D and will not see him or speak to him again. He knows the deal. He knows what he has put at risk. I would like something in writing though, and notorized.

IAint, you need to get a better lawyer. It sounds like the one you talked to likes to take the easy way out. I've never heard of any state requiring you to put up with an ongoing affair for a year! A lot of lawyers really just want to go with what is easiest for them, rather than doing their real job, which is to help you get what you need within the law.

Read up on Dr. Harley's Plan B and take it to a couple more lawyers and say "This is what I need, and I need a lawyer who will help me get it. Are you the one?"

That cannot happen. You need to find a GOOD attorney who will get him out. Most attorneys are lazy and will take the path of least resistance. You need one who will get him out. That is stupid of him to say you could undergo "separation" while living under the same roof. If you live together, you are not "separated."


This does not solve the problem. Solving the problem would mean taking steps so she CAN'T ever get through. Telling you that she called is not a solution. I am an alcoholic. If I take a drink and I tell my husband, am I any less drunk? No. Telling you does not negate the fact that her call triggered him.

He needs to somehow block her from calling or get a # she doesn't know. Even if it means he leaves that job.

Why, at this time are you looking into plan B? Has you H broken the no contact rule?
Am I missing something?

Plan B is for helping a BS protect themselves from an active WW's actions. You really need to read up on the plans.

Plan B is certainly not you "going into hiding" with your children. Plan B is a plan of dignity and peace for the BS. It removes you from the drama, pain and destruction of an active A.

Why this now?

Please go back and read the thread.

I also do not understand why at this time there would be any reason to go to plan B.

No Contact has not been broken. H is actively working on the marriage and is with me 100%. He is remorseful for the deep hurt that he has caused.

OW knows that if she contacts him again, I will expose her actions to her children and to her employer. I told this to both her and her 21-year-old daughter, who was her accomplice (provided secret phone and helped and encouraged her mother to continue pursuing married man after he told her it was over). When H would not take OW's calls, she had her daughter try to bother him. Then when that didn't work, she tried to contact our 21-year-old son.

The scene she created in public was a negative and humiliating experience for her and embarrassing to my H. No sane person in her situation would ever try to contact the AP again.

Here is the reason why as you told us in your first post on this thread - and they most certainly had been in contact with no plan in sight to prevent such contact:





The problem is not the OW, but that your H has not ended contact. As long as she is free to contact HIM, the affair has not ended. When a WH refuses to end contact, the solution is PLAN B.

I don't think YOU understand what no contact means. It means that YOUR HUSBAND does not take her calls. Not that he "tells you" when she calls, but that he cuts off contact so she can't ever contact him. That he changes his numbers, files restraining orders, does whatever necessary to end contact.

You have been through THREE D-DAYS this year, and your husband STILL has not taken extraordinary precautions to end contact. You should have gone into Plan B months ago.