cd, this isnt Plan B, hon.

click the how to plan b correctly link in my sig. It gives excellent preparation advice. First though you need to get the APs fired or get yourself another job.

Remember Plan B is FOR YOU. You need peace. You need to know he cant reach you, no matter how much he wants to. Most importantly of all you need plans to build your own future, in which you heal.

Just changing my number made me feel better. Before that I watched my phone like it had explosives in it. I was tied to the puppet string that the cheaters yanked me around with whenever they wanted.

Remove all drama. Build your own life.

IF plan b has an effect on your WH, he can tell his IM that he is willing to go NC. That should be the only possible method he has of reaching you. All the other doors should be shut.

Hi Maritalbliss, you are hard on me, but I guess it's what I need so thanks x

The work issue is hard for me as I have been very successful in the company. I have managed for 2years walking in everyday and experiencing situations with the both of them that I have had to block. I have gotten very good at it...

I haven't put 100% into plan B because I fear that I have lost him and she will win no matter what I do. She seems to have so much luck on her side or she is simply cunning and ensures she triumphs with work and my husband....

Here is my draft letter, what do you think? I hope he doesn't show her.


I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with OW possible.

I pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most, and we are now both suffering for my mistakes. I was distant, lost and angry because I had depression and I took it out on you and for that I am deeply sorry. You were my best friend and I let you down�I let us down and I didn�t fight to keep our marriage strong. Instead, I felt sorry for myself and thought the world owed me something.
I did not realize how much it meant to you for me to be there for you, the handholding, the hugs and kisses to name a few. I also could not see through my own confusion on why I was so angry. I now clearly see many of those things I was lacking in. I just didn't understand how important it was to you.
The past 2 years have been a difficult time for me, the most emotionally traumatic in my life. I am still feeling the hurt and pain because we have somehow misplaced our trust and respect. But lately I have the strength that I never knew I possessed. I have grown and matured more than I have in my entire lifetime. I cannot sit here today and say that I know all that I need to know about relationships, but I can honestly say that I have learned a lot about honouring, and companionship.
I have decided that I will be having no communication with you, and I will avoid seeing you. This is not to punish you, it is to protect my feelings for you. If we continue as we are now, there would be nothing left. It is truly sad what has happened to our marriage and us.
If and when you end your relationship permanently with Megan I am willing to be a part of your life. I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You must know the pain and suffering I have endured because of your relationship with Megan and it is unhealthy. I simply cannot be in-contact with you any longer, knowing that you and her are together.
I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. Thank you for the memories, the beautiful loved we once shared, and the loving person that you are, that led me to you. Never forgotten, forever in my heart.

thanks IG I will read the plan b prep. :-)
I don't look at my phone anymore, I have it on silent always. I do not reply to his messages which have been more frequent since i told him i was cutting out communication.

Ironically; I was meeting with the HR Manager today over other non-related topics and I saw the tramp and the WH talking. I logged it with HR and said that I didn't want to see it again. The WH was then spoken to and warned that if they breech their documented warnings; being seen in the same area together wilfully promoting their relationship, then it will lead to disciplinary action and dismissal thereafter.

Oh it will be fantastic if he shows her! I sent my OW a photocopy of my hand-written love letter with an attached note saying I could make WH happy and was willing to wait for him to give me that chance. It is what you are advised to do in SAA.

(and in Art of War - When weak appear strong)

Remember, you were targeted by this woman because she saw you as the queen of your circle, the woman who had everything.

Its time to start acting like one. Write the letter like a queen granting favours. Be gracious, willing to forgive, beguiling, talk about the hot, romantic history he only has with YOU - but also be unflaggingly FIRM. Write like you have no notion of being turned down.

Remember you are his WIFE! Why should you be afraid of this letter being seen? She is nothing but a flirty little usurper whose days are being counted down. She knows this too. Pierce her insecurites.

This will cause havoc in the A due to her jealousy, no matter how he responds.

I like your letter but make it more of a love letter. Start with a very romantic memory. (I went into Plan B on P15ish of my thread if you want to read mine, written with help from Pepperband. I began it with a line about how our first kiss was in the rain. I guarantee you this sent my OW into a jealous rage and that WH keeps the letter under his pillow)

You talk a lot about your depression and how hard things have been for you. Not only is that not the image you want to give off, but hes not going to read any of that. A waywards attention span when it comes to hearing about the betrayal is half a second. They also hate the guilt like poison. I did mention it in mine by saying: 'Your affair rips my heart out and my pain must be attended to' where I request NC. The difference is that if you talk about your pain, it must be snappy and easy to remember. Otherwise he just wont read it.

Remember you have to lay traps for waywards. I like the loving tone in your ending paragraph, bring something like that up higher to start it with - ending and starting on a high note.

that really isnt good enough. you need to tell them in no uncertain terms that either they go, or you do.

This sounds like nothing short of hell. Like you, Im a pretty strong personality and I could have done this with my chin up and a calm face if I had been forced to. But why do it? The energy it takes to endure could have been spent on your life and your healing. You shouldnt have to block daily attacks. Plus you know full well the APs love it.

I was way off, P15 is DDay not plan B on my thread - below is the letter Pep helped me with to give you some pointers...

thank you my friend, Indie x
How is Plan B working for you? I can gather it has helped you heal, has it gained any steps towards progress with WS?
I will adjust the letter based on your suggestions.
I have the art of war somewhere, i have been looking for it the last couple of weeks. An old male friend in my industry gave it to me a year ago and i only put it to my work and politics never to my marriage...it makes sense.

As to progress with WS....

I dont know. My plan B is airtight and completely dark. I dont allow people to talk to me about him even. While he is wayward and undeserving of me, he is not my business and not worthy of my energy or rent free space in my head.

There is real peace in knowing you have done all you could. I Plan A'd like a rock star, I have promised him a fulfilling marriage in writing, then I have allowed him to fully enjoy the consequences of his behaviour - a world without me.

A relative of his recently told me (against my wishes) that he is very unhappy and wants to speak to me. but he will have to get on board with my wishes to get that. If he wants to stay wayward and confused forever, that's his choice. i will be ok no matter what.

CD, this is way too long and places way too much blame on yourself as being the 'cause' of your WH's unfaithfulness.

I'd like to help you trim this down and tighten it up - when you're actually ready to go to Plan B. You won't be in Plan B as long as you continue to work there, as you've already seen in the incident with your HR dept.

You have to understand that your company isn't a babysitter. Sure, because they value your employment they will 'try' to separate the two infidels. But that's not their priority. Turning out a product, with all the work that goes into that, is their priority. Running a business is their priority - not minding the personal lives of their employees. They might make noise about doing so, but that is not their priority, and it will quickly slide down the list on their agenda. As you have seen.

CD, you told your WH that you were cutting off communications, and you continue to see them together at work? He isn't going to take you seriously. He is going to think that you are just being difficult and that he can persuade you to break your Plan B.

Who is your IM?

I think you should use IG's PBL instead of the one you wrote. Your letter sounds too much like you taking blame. Your WH will actually use it to PROVE that he was right in having an affair, because YOU were so rotten. Don't give him that chance.

For you and your WH to recover BOTH of you will need to quit your jobs, and it is often recommended to move away. Just think of you quitting as the first part of that.

The Art of War link in Indie's siggy is how it pertains to MB. You should give it a read.

Has this affair been exposed far and wide? On WH's side? OW's side?

You are still married to your WH. There is no dating while married, that is called "adultery." Expose it as such. Ask others to help persuade WH and OW to end their affair.

Indie is also right. OW should be sent a copy of the PBL, by YOU, to show her that the only reason your WH isn't communicating with you anymore is YOUR choice.

Your WH is typical in that he is a cake-eater.

Get that job gone. You may feel like you have been handling it all very well, but you could feel so much better if you got into a DARK Plan B.

FIRST thing to do, quit your job.

SECOND give your WH PBL

THIRD change your phone numbers and email addresses and cut off any other forms of communication.

FOURTH heal.