Is it wrong for one spouse to apply for credit cards without the knowledge of the other? I have reason to believe that is what my husband is doing.

I feel he is secretly doing this so as to help one of his kids get his own apartment. His son was asked to leave his mother's house and has been staying in a hotel for the past 4 weeks, waiting for an apartment to open up.

I'm not sure how to approach the subject. My husband is not good with money and I am the one who takes care of the finances. His credit was sooooo bad when we married that he wasn't even able to be on my bank account....

It doesn't sound like you are using the program, specifically the policy of joint agreement. Are you familiar with the POJA?

I am familiar with the policy. I just recently stumbled upon the "idea" that he could be opening up an account on his own.

We have never discussed his opening up an account as it was a topic that never came up because of his credit. I guess it was a "given" that this was not something that would happen until his credit was fixed. He is/was considering filing for bankruptsy for his past history of mis-managing money.

I know he feels he has no control over money because of his bad credit. Not sure if he just wants to know that he is capable of applying and being accepted so as to have "some" control.

Is this the guy with 7 kids? Just curious, it has nothing to do with POJA, which is what should apply here, and also openness and honesty and RH if him opening up solo accounts is a problem for you.

Yes, it is the guy with 7 children. We will be celebrating our 2nd anniversary in February. We have been having a fabulous run of things...this just became a bump in the road.

I haven't been on the site for some time, but will bring up POJA with him as I know we will be facing some obstacles with his son moving out on his own, supporting himself, managing money, etc. His son has Aspergers and sometimes doesn't make the best decisions. So, again, not sure if his reasoning is so that he can help and not stress me out over the added cost that may be incurred due to his son getting a place of his own.

Thanks for your reply...

If you haven't yet, introduce your hubby to the basic concepts. Did you two discuss MB before getting married?

Yes, we did discuss it on a "low" level. He knows that MB helped me become the person I am today in regards to realizing the mistakes I made in my first marriage and accepting what happened in my relationship after that and being able to move on.

I am the one who dropped the ball with getting him more involved and allowing him the same understanding and knowledge I've gained from this site.

I will broach the subject with him...

For safety sake, run a credit check on yourself periodically.

You can get your credit report for free from here:
http://www.annualcreditreport.com/

You can get one free report from each of the three major credit bureaus per year. Space them 4 months apart so you can keep monitoring.

This is not freecreditreport.com WHICH WILL MAKE YOU SIGN UP FOR A PAID SERVICE.

Thank you for your suggestion but he and I do not hold any joint accounts together as I knew the circumstance before going into the marriage...

I just happened to run mine a couple of weeks ago - which is something that I do do once a year just to make sure nothing is out of line.

Again, thank you for the suggestion...

You can also freeze your credit, but I'm sure you knew that.

Let us know how it goes introducing MB to him. I'm thinking a nice little "Ya know, I think I want to make a New Year Resolution to do everything I can to make this the best marriage ever so neither of us need to endure another divorce ever. Remember MB? How about we get into the meat and potatoes of it and make sure we stay on coarse?"

No blame, no mention of problems (until you get to the LBQ, of course), could open up some good dialog if you are not arguing at this point.

How would a BK by him affect you? I'm not terribly familiar with how those work; make sure it wouldn't adversely affect you, like attaching marital assets (which in many jurisdictions is everything acquired after marriage including equity).

I do need to ask: what in the world were you thinking when marrying a man with 7 kids and credit problems???

I don't know about the freezing of credit. But like I mentioned he does not have his name on anything...cars, house, etc. A prenump was also done ahead of time.

I love your suggestion on how to "casually" bring it up. I am going to use that!

As far as marrying a man with those 2 "issues"? I would marry him all over again 10 fold. I was extremely choosy when it came to dating and looking back, I'm so glad that I was. His kids are wonderful and even his x isn't all that bad. Lol.

Heck, just this past fall we had MY X and his new wife over for drinks and a family discussion. We didn't think they would ever leave. Lol. I never pictured that day EVER.

I don't think the bankruptcy will affect me because my name is not associated with his past debt. But I will for sure check into it before that ball gets rolling.

Again, thank you for your suggestion on how to approach the topic.

Well, I didn't get a chance to bring up the subject last night. But I was able to this morning via email.

I let him know that I had been back on the site. I left a printout on our kitchen table this morning. I let him know that I didn't want him to freak out that I was thinking we were having "problems". I just let him know that I would like to go over the POJA and to feel free to read what I had left.

He zapped me an email back:
hi kim, excellent idea, i will for sure read the information. actually one of my new years resolution is to speak openly to you about EVERYTHING, including money and not pretend i can help my kids out when i really cant.

I feel we are on the right track. I truly value this website and the people who take the time out to offer their opinions/suggestions. Thank you!

I truly value my husband, love him more than I did when we got married, and look forward to our future together. I have been blessed to have found him. He's like this all the time...very willing, patient, and supportive. I'm guessing it's helped having the amount of kids that he has. He truly is a dream come true.