I was very active on this site for a long time as I walked through my husband's infidelity. The people here, Harley's information, and eventually counseling with Harley - was amazing. But even after doing all that could be done, WH chose to stay with OW. We were divorced in 2009.

I've continued my healing journey, slowly but steadily - and seen God do unbelievable things. So thankful that He is bigger than even this kind of tragic mess. One of those unbelievable things was falling in love again; with an amazing man, also a BH, also with 3 children. Almost exactly a year ago we were married, and began our own sort of new Brady Bunch.

As we've navigated the continued issues of divorce, remarriage, stepparenting and blended families, I felt really lead to start a blog about these things. I thought it might be beneficial to some people on this site, so I wanted to post it here.

***EDIT***

Thank you again, Steve Harley, Marriage Builders, and all the moderators for all you do. I have hope for my { new } family in part to you.

xo .. phoenix4

And I guess I should update my tag-profile! Wow, just saw that and it seems like so very long ago. Praying hope for all of you out there who are still in that place; no matter what happens and what WH/W decides - God is a MASTER at bringing life and hope and the total rebuild.

phoenix4

I see the address was edited - is it not okay to post the site here?

I would love to have the address! Please send the mods a message and see if they will give you my email address.

I was remarried a year ago too, after surviving a divorce after 26 years of marriage.

I totally get the blended family issues but love my new life.

Thanks for uplifting posting. Whenever I hear stories like this for betrayed spouce, I feel justice, but yet at the same time I have to wonder and feel down about my own situation. My xWH cheated and was engaged in illegal activities and walked away from his family - he is remarrying this summer, and I wonder if in God's eye I was the bad one and thus I am still single whreas he is happy with his new fiancee... Sigh.

hi smiling woman! nice to meet you (and love the name). yes, i would love to connect. remarriage is definitely one of the hardest things i've done, especially with all the kids in the mix - but truly, so good! does your new husband have kids as well?

can i just put my email address here, is that allowed? or which moderator do i contact?

milkshake:
God knows and sees, and things are often not the way they appear (your XWH situation). my counselor always said that things get sorted - eventually. my XWH that stayed with the OW seems very happy with her, and they have a life that seems very full and easy. but i am positive that if my focus these last years had been on them, rather than getting healed up and being the best me i could be moving forward that i would not have been positioned as i was to marry the man i did. and the justice for my ex i leave completely with God. because i trust Him. and in the end He is the only authentic judge.

and in His eyes you are nothing but LOVED. SEEN. KNOWN. he did not come to condemn but to set us free. He adores you. has a plan for you. He is not a punishing God - would never judge you by taking away your husband. those are lies, and nothing that's in the heart of God. praying tonight for you for a new encounter with Him and a new hope to keep pressing forward into all He has for *you*.

{squeeze}

Phoenix, new rules are that both of you have to email the administrator (Justuss2@aol.com) and request an email exchange. I think they stopped allowing it awhile back for many reasons. It's a good rule IMO. The only time I think it isn't done is when members of the opposite sex request it for obvious reasons.

Welcome back! You sound so good and I'm sure many would benefit from your experience. Sharing on the open board also helps and sometimes encourages lutkers to start posting.

thanks princess meggy! i will email him.

so is there also a rule about not posting urls, or was it something else about my post?

when you said 'sharing on the open board' did you mean this thread/forum, or something else?

ty!

SmilingWoman,
Justuss sent me your email but it got bounced back - they must not have a recent one? you can just email them asking for mine and email me directly if you want.
Blessings!
P4

Thanks Phoenix4 for your sweet words. I truly hope so. And, what you said about focusing on your own healing is so true. I need to reach the stage where I do completely trust in leaving the 'justice' to God.

Several years ago someone asked for my email address so that she could send me some articles on this site, and when I posted it here, my friends who did not know about MB site at all contacted me and warned that my personal info through my postings here became readable to outsiders. I'm not that savvy on the tech side so have no idea how her husband found my postings on this site, but someone people out there can track it down if you post your personal email addresses here. Glad to know that they have changed the policy to avoid any sort of privacy problems.

Great to hear all the success stories anyway!!

Ok, I got your address via Justuss and sent you an email! Thanks!

Phoenix,
Glad to hear how things worked out for you! I haven't had the same luck...my XH stuck me with all his bills and went missing. I lost my job and am about to lose my home and will have to pay taxes on whatever the difference in my mortgage vs what my house's value dropped to AND the property taxes...am not sure how I'll do all that since my unemployment extension is running out. My XH...he got a job but hasn't and won't pay anything he owes me and judgements are worthless when people go underground. But his OW died of liver disease...too much drinking. So I guess karma does pay visits. I'm praying things work out for all of us here...sometimes it seems scary but we have to keep the faith...sometimes we don't see all that's going on and have to believe that God is working all for our good even when it doesn't look like it.

kaycstamper,

i'm so sorry to hear about all of those things - that is definitely a LOT on your plate right now. and you're right, it's totally, completely unfair. but you're also right, God is even now working out good for you - it just may take some time to see it all unfold.

there were lots of moments and seasons on my own journey where things were very very dark; and real legitimate big-time losses and deaths. and still now, even walking in a lot of redemption - it is not the same things as walking in justice/fairness. although i am tempted toward that realm again and again even still, i've found the only place of real freedom is the realm of grace. which doesn't mean excusing or condoning my ex's (and OW's) actions; but it does mean (continually) releasing all of that to God and giving Him the true place of judge. and thanking Him for His real grace in my own life. and i began living out of this place/stance in the darkest days, in the middle of still a lot of ashes, and before the new plans were really becoming clear. but i am now more convinced than ever that grace and freedom is the absolute best soil for Him to begin building new things.

besides continuing my own healing, one of the best things i did some days was simply just to not quit. that may be where you're at right now - so just keep putting one foot in front of the other and let others have hope and faith *for* you. this stuff that is so new and scary to us, God has seen all of it before. and He is a master at untangling the webs and creating beautiful new things.

praying His tangible peace for you today.

phoenix, thank you for each and every word, you are spot on and it is a healing balm to my soul and an encouragement, thank you!