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Oh, I cannot stress this enough.
Your BIL wanting to get involved is what many betrayed spouses dream of.
You don't know how fortunate you are to have members of your WW's family wanting to take your cause and get actively involved. This is your golden ticket, don't waste it!
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Ok he is a big boy and is super pissed off he gave me a sense of you are family no one will come between us
Felt good for once.we'll see what happens tomorrow.
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So glad to hear it!
Make sure you keep in touch with them and update them on things. Your WW is going to be uber-ticked off at this, you're aware of the types of things that she'll say, right?
Things like--
1. I was going to work on this but not now.
2. I hate you.
3. It's over.
4. If you loved me you'd never have done this.
5. I've never loved you, have been miserable for years and have hated you for longer than I've known you.
6. It's all your fault.
7. It's your fault that the African dung beetle has a dumb name.
Ok, maybe #7 is a stretch, but you get the point.
You're doing good, by the way, just remember to keep your cool and think three times before saying anything. Don't yell or argue with her...come here and type away if you need to yell and scream, we've all been there and seen it before.
Don't leave your house. If anyone leaves, it's her. "I'm sorry that you're upset that everyone knows about your adultery, but I'll do what I have to to save this marriage and family. I'm not going to get into an argument about this and will be glad to talk to you when you calm down. If you don't want to be around me and the kids then you are, of course, free to leave the house at any time."
You'll need to frame this as her divorcing meaning that she's choosing to leave both you AND the children...as though you are one entity if that makes any sense.
Last edited by Northwood8900; 01/13/12 12:52 AM.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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I contacted BIL told him everything he wants to contact OM I told him not too .BIL and wife are going over to FIL tomorrow to talk to him.get ready just droped another nuke.BIL still wants to contact OM. It would be a GREAT IDEA if the BIL contacted the OM.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So glad to hear it!
Make sure you keep in touch with them and update them on things. Your WW is going to be uber-ticked off at this, you're aware of the types of things that she'll say, right?
Things like--
1. I was going to work on this but not now.
2. I hate you.
3. It's over.
4. If you loved me you'd never have done this.
5. I've never loved you, have been miserable for years and have hated you for longer than I've known you.
6. It's all your fault.
7. It's your fault that the African dung beetle has a dumb name.
Ok, maybe #7 is a stretch, but you get the point.
You're doing good, by the way, just remember to keep your cool and think three times before saying anything. Don't yell or argue with her...come here and type away if you need to yell and scream, we've all been there and seen it before.
Don't leave your house. If anyone leaves, it's her. "I'm sorry that you're upset that everyone knows about your adultery, but I'll do what I have to to save this marriage and family. I'm not going to get into an argument about this and will be glad to talk to you when you calm down. If you don't want to be around me and the kids then you are, of course, free to leave the house at any time."
You'll need to frame this as her divorcing meaning that she's choosing to leave both you AND the children...as though you are one entity if that makes any sense. Got it,i am calm and collected,glad i did this,it was good to talk to him.And im glad he is on my side,i hope she doesnt sway him with the lies,i will contact him again and let him know,i sent a text to his wife with OM info phone# full name,etc..this could be interesting.
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So glad to hear it!
Make sure you keep in touch with them and update them on things. Your WW is going to be uber-ticked off at this, you're aware of the types of things that she'll say, right?
Things like--
1. I was going to work on this but not now.
2. I hate you.
3. It's over.
4. If you loved me you'd never have done this.
5. I've never loved you, have been miserable for years and have hated you for longer than I've known you.
6. It's all your fault.
7. It's your fault that the African dung beetle has a dumb name.
Ok, maybe #7 is a stretch, but you get the point.
You're doing good, by the way, just remember to keep your cool and think three times before saying anything. Don't yell or argue with her...come here and type away if you need to yell and scream, we've all been there and seen it before.
Don't leave your house. If anyone leaves, it's her. "I'm sorry that you're upset that everyone knows about your adultery, but I'll do what I have to to save this marriage and family. I'm not going to get into an argument about this and will be glad to talk to you when you calm down. If you don't want to be around me and the kids then you are, of course, free to leave the house at any time."
You'll need to frame this as her divorcing meaning that she's choosing to leave both you AND the children...as though you are one entity if that makes any sense. I can ask her to leave? well i did say that the other night,told her id help pack the bags,told her to call OM and see if he can let her in...she was silent,still denying.
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I wonder if W and OM are still going up north...remember caught this on the VAR...Talked to my son this afternoon,i told him that i will do all i can to keep him,i told him what W is doing and what OM is all about...he stood firm and said: I will not have that guy in my life,he said,W talked to him the other night and told him OM said he was sorry for giving him the wrong impression and would like to make it up {The freakin B*lls}...My son told her again that if she ever brings him around or has my son meet him,he would stomp him,he said she just got up and walked away,he understood,but the poor kid feels this too,Its just why would the W do this,to destroy everything,the kids,the life,the family and I mean she is so family oriented ,i just dont understand why she cant see this,she's very intelligent,she has to know its destroying their lives,this OM just has her so snowed,but i guess thats what this disease is all about.
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Your son reacting this way is wonderful for cramping the affair. She really can't think everything will be ok with OM if he's saying things like that, now can she?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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I contacted BIL told him everything he wants to contact OM I told him not too .BIL and wife are going over to FIL tomorrow to talk to him.get ready just droped another nuke.BIL still wants to contact OM. Why don't you and BIL pay OM a little social visit? 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Not that we are into analyzing Waywards here, but I will explain a little bit about your WW, and bringing OM around the kids. She honestly believes that OM is the better choice right now and that EVERYONE will like him better than you, because she likes him better than you right now. It's good that your son is able to tell his mother the truth about how he feels.
I am glad that you are going to let BIL talk to OM. That's all part of why you expose.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I wonder if W and OM are still going up north...remember caught this on the VAR Be sure and let her know you know all about her little plan to go away this weekend and will be joining her and the OM. Tell her if they are just "friends" you can all be friends. And that you will also be inviting her parents, her sister and BIL, too! Tell her you know but don't tell her how you know.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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WW called this AM,just fuming pissed,guess she got the work email about the affair,looks like,though she didnt tell,they may be investigating,also she got my phone this AM,saw all the calls,so what,i have nothing to hide,she did this not me,anyway just livid that i called all the inlaws,including her brother,asked me why i am doing this to her,how i can be so callas etc,that she wants a divorce she is done and all this crap etc..then she was asking if i was taping her,i said with what,i have nothing to tape you with except my phone and i dont even know how to do it,she kept on about how i was gathering info and how i was taping convo's,i said i have no idea what you are talking about,and continued that she has destroyed this family that she is breaking the law,that she is abandoning the children,she is having an affair...just kept up with that..until she said i have to go,i just hung up...the nukes have been successful i think,and looks like the heat is on...wow,pretty damn wild...
I guess i just sit back,relax and watch her world just crumble.
Oh she said she can also be fired,and wants me out of the house ASAP,i told her you need to pack the bags and leave,not me,i didnt do this,i didnt destroy the marriage or the children,the family,i will not leave,if anyone goes its her...she was pissed...
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I guess i just sit back,relax and watch her world just crumble.
Oh she said she can also be fired,and wants me out of the house ASAP,i told her you need to pack the bags and leave,not me,i didnt do this,i didnt destroy the marriage or the children,the family,i will not leave,if anyone goes its her...she was pissed... Now you're catching on to the war on adultery !!!!  WW's get pissed. No one here cares.
Last edited by Pepperband; 01/13/12 01:25 PM.
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Your standard response to all of her babbling right now should be, "I will do what is necessary to save our marriage from your adultery."
That's it. Nothing more. Don't explain. Don't justify. Don't defend. Repeated for emphasis !
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WW called this AM,just fuming pissed,guess she got the work email about the affair You sank her battleship Yep, you're gonna catch it now - wayward spittle, that is. She's going to be flapping her gums all over the place with some of the most absurd stuff you've ever heard, like she was going to work on the M, but now she's not. Or, she's going to get fired and it's all your fault. We've actually got a thread around here somewhere, strictly dedicated to all the crap waywards spew. It's pretty comical, actually. And hilarious to see how similar they are. You're doing great! Well done! One thing: if she DOES leave the house, the kids stay with YOU.
Last edited by maritalbliss; 01/13/12 01:43 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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You did good Ed. Sit back and let exposure do its job.
Remember to stay calm. Also, it is quite normal for a WS to start spewing that they are no longer going to try with the BS, that the BS has done it now, how could they trust the BS? Just understand that this is normal. Don't engage your WW. And you did good by saying that YOU aren't going anywhere.
Do you have a VAR that you carry on you? There are many times that WWs try to make up Domestic Assault charges on their BH to get them out of the house.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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You WILL stay in control of yourself.
Not try.
You will. Also, repeat for emphasis.
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By all means, make sure you have a var on you at all times. She could quite possibly file bogus assault charges on you and get you kicked out of your house. It happens all the time. I do commend you on your handling of the situation. Your self respect is intact. Stay strong. And don't forget the var.
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I guess i just sit back,relax and watch her world just crumble.
Oh she said she can also be fired,and wants me out of the house ASAP,i told her you need to pack the bags and leave,not me,i didnt do this,i didnt destroy the marriage or the children,the family,i will not leave,if anyone goes its her...she was pissed... Great job!!! Just hang onto your pants and keep exposing!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Just hang onto your pants and keep exposing! Say what?  Read this again !!!!!!!! LOL LOL LOL LOL
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