Somehow I fail to see the silver lining in this divorce. In the past year, I've had to tell my kids that their parents won't be following their marriage vows after all and that they have to go back and forth between two homes, I've completely lost the love and support of my in-laws (who have been brain-washed into thinking that I'm the one to blame for his affair), and financially have never felt this insecure in my life. I haven't had a good night's sleep since D-day.

Now WH will be bringing his gold digger foreign girlfriend into my kids' lives before he even gets the rest of his things out of my house!

foreignaffair,
sorry you are going through this mess. I know the way you feel. def a dark place to be.

your WH is acting like any other WH.
Im not so sure if this OW will be able to handle your kids. The OW and the WH may think it'll be all good but the reality is its going to be hard them two juggling kids... I'd say let them and see for themselves. Thats just my opionion tho.
I understand your concern but at this point he will have them a few days a week, out of your control. so let them. The WH is going to have a rude awekening.
LA LA land will be short lived.

Okay I guess I'll back off and let the chips fall where they will. I just wish I could stop obsessing about this and get some sleep!

Now if we could only finish up this divorce thing. The attorneys are going as slow as possible. It's obviously in their best interest to string us along as long as they can - billable hours are adding up. And that's despite the fact that my attorney is a good friend of the family.

I know, my lawyer is the same way.

I have not been sleeping well either. what helps me is taking a hot bath and praying..watching church tv.. reading the bible and venting. rather its with a good girl friend or here on MB will help calm fears and anger.

Just know this you are going to make it out of this darkness.
your H and the OW may seem great at this moment but as soon as reality sets in they will realize LA LA LAND is OVER. esp with the kids in the picture.

sorry you are going through this trashy mess.
I am a firm believer in what you put out is what you get.another words you reap what you sow.

Around here the judges don't care if someone is dragging their kids through an affair. It can be presented to the judge but they see so much of it they don't take notice. In our temporary papers as well as our divorce decree, it states that neither of us can have overnight company when we have the kids. Ex broke that by moving in with his g-friend. However, they didn't sleep in the same room so I didn't attempt to find him in contempt. It just wasn't worth it with all the other crap going on. He married her soon after our divorce was final. I feel your pain. I hear your pain. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Ex wanted me to agree to let someone besides him pick our kids up from school when he was supposed to be doing this. I would not agree. His new wife seems to be good to my kids, but who knows what he will drag up in the future? If he can't get them, all he has to do is call me. No need for a hooch to pick up my kids. lol

Stick to your guns. If it's not in the best interest of your kids, don't agree to it. They are the most important factor at this point. Talk to your lawyer about all of these questions you have. If your lawyer isn't looking out for you and the kids, get another one.

I haven't agreed to anything. We had a draft of a divorce agreement after mediation, but that was dependent on attorney review and my attorney has recommended several changes. We've been at a legal standstill for almost 6 months now. OW will be a complete fish out of water here. She knows nobody in our city (besides WH), will be going from a warm to a cold climate, and not being a mother herself will likely fail at dealing with my kids. I'm curious to see how WH manages to keep her here legally before we are divorced. I'm guessing he will create a job for her at his company. So disgusting! The other thing I'm curious about, our finances are completely intertwined at this point - we share bank accounts and a credit card since we haven't agreed to any financial separation. Wouldn't the courts frown upon having the OW move in with him when her living expenses will come out of our combined income?? I have to run that one by my attorney.

FF you are nuts not to protect yourself financially. Have you any idea how much damage he can do to you and how long this thing can stretch out for? I am on my fifth year and my WH is determined to keep spending until there is no money left to share.

You must separate your credit cards and bank accounts as soon as you can. Monday morning. If OW is a gold digger, she will max out the card and empty the joint bank account in a heartbeat.

Don't depend on the judge taking your side. He or she will probably take the view that money spent cannot be unspent. You may be able to argue for equalisation of spending (equal monthly expenses) but if you are living in unequally sized accommodation this will be factored in.

----"Somehow I fail to see the silver lining in this divorce.----"

What silver lining is there? Your family is being trn apart so your selfish husband can have his new girlfriend.

Please try to take care of yourself, eat, sleep, pray, exercise.
I'm going through the same thing.
Our spouses are selfish.

I can't do the financial separation on my own. It's not as simple as opening up a bank account and credit card. All of our savings are jointly held and withy an investment advisory firm. In order for us to take out money (it requires both of our signatures fortunately). I also need some type of legal order for child support. My living expenses are higher than his since I am staying in the house and he has rented a townhouse 5 miles away.

OW hasn't shown up yet - she's still overseas as far as I know. I did talk to the kids' child psychologist today. She said she would talk to WH about the damage it would do to introduce OW in near future. I have other complicating factors. Our daughter is having a Bat mitzvah (for those of you who don't know it's when a Jewish girl formally becomes an adult) in June. It's a huge deal and fortunately the child psychologist agrees that it would completely break her heart/ruin this event to have OW around before then. So I'm crossing my fingers that WH will come to his senses and at least wait until the summer. Perhaps by then we'll even be divorced (one can hope)!

I've been reading everyone's recent comments about the wayward fog. Mine is in the biggest fog ever. He has completely rewritten our marriage, calling me an abusive wife. Meanwhile, I find cards and letters telling me how much he loved me and what a great mother and wife I was.

It is clear that OW has him under her spell. I do think she's a gold digger - and speculate that WH may even be paying her from his business. That may explain why he won't share his business documents with me and my attorney. I don't have any proof yet, but my gut hasn't been wrong about any of his lies and unethical behavior yet.

I try to take care of myself but still haven't been able to figure out how to get a good night's sleep. As many of you in my shoes can relate, it's like living in a constant soap opera nightmare that you can't escape!

Contact your doctor for sleeping problems!