I know this guy for about 12 years. We started talking a lot lately last year. He has problems with his marriage as well. My husband and I have been married for over 12 years and about 2 years ago or so, we started drifting. Sex is not often. This friend of mine would text me a lot and call me. He pays more attention to me than my husband. I know he is a bad person for what he would tell me about what he did in the past. He does not say he loves me or promises me anything but he makes me feel like I am an important person. He pays attention to me more than my husband. We laugh and tell jokes all the time. I know I am crossing the line because I feel like I can tell him almost anything. Then we started talking about how good he is in bed and likewise I would do the same. We would compare how we would have sex with our spouses and then he would always say how I always lose and that he is better. He has more experience in that subject. I would also tell him some things that's been going on with me about my life. He understands me I think but I know for sure that he won't be there when bigger problem arise. About few months ago, he asks me if I tried phone sex. I said no. I told him that my husband and I never did any of that. He just laughs. Then he introduced me to **EDIT**. I watched about 4-5 little movies and he would say I can do the same thing. He would always challenge my confidence so one day, I sent a picture of me naked with no shirt. He liked that a lot and he would tell me how good they are. I also sent pictures of me with clothes on but in shorts and tank top. He appreciates my body I think more than my husband. My husband found out about what happened and told me to post here.

Deceptivegirl.

The vets will be along shortly to help you out in the mean time I wanted to ask

Why on earth would you find the attention from a guy who basically insults you by treating you like you are an easy lay at all good?

This guy is basically saying "I know you are married and know that you have such loose morals that you would cheat on your husband with me"

This is not a compliment, the attention you are getting are not compliments nor should they make you feel good.

It is sad that the attention from a guy you clearly indicate is only interested in having fun with you then leaving can make you risk your marriage like this.

Please do yourself a favour and do not blame your husband for the mess you got yourself in. We all make our own choices in life, no matter what marital problems you think you have adultry is NEVER the answer. You cheated because you have loose boundaries and NOT because your husband did anything wrong.


Further questions that the vets will likely need to know in order to help you.

Is the other man married?
Does your H post here?
Have you cut off all contact with the other man (OM)?

NB 28 - Because I am stupid. Because I let my guards down. Because I am desperate. Sorry for blaming my husband into this. He doesn't deserved this at all nor my kids. I used to be so strong and would sustain almost any problem but I was desperate for the attention. Every time he treats me bad, I actually want to stay away from him but then after a while he would be very nice.

He is married. My husband posts here as well. My husband told me to stop all contact with him last night. I am pretty sure he will try to contact me. We have mutual friends as well as his wife. I want to end this fantasy so he stops calling or texting me.

Her BH is Bricks.

Welcome to Marriage Builders.

Do you WANT to stop contact with this OM?

Do you think that you did anything WRONG?

How do you know OM?

Do you want to try to save your marriage?

DG,
Welcome to MB. You seem to have committed some serious betrayals of the principles of your marriage, but you are in EXACTLY the right place to start earning your BH's forgiveness.

First thing you should do is start putting together a time-line (as much as you can manage) of when this tarted, what you did, etc, etc. Your BH is going to need this eventually.

Search this site and find examples of a "No Contact" letter, and begin composing one to send to your affair partner. Your BH is going to have to read and approve it.

I do have a question about the meaning of something you wrote:

We would compare how we would have sex with our spouses and then he would always say how I always lose and that he is better.

Please explain what you meant by "lose".

And one more thing to think of: POSOM has a topless picture of you in digital form. Expect him to share that with untold numbers of his scuzzy friends, maybe even posting it on websites that cater to such scuzzballs.

Now that you realize you had bad bondaries you need to put them in place along with NC.


You must call OMW and expose this affair. Then follow up with NC letter.
NC letter must be sent to OMW apologizing for the affair and promise of NC.

Then you must change all phone numbers, email addresses, block OM on FB, block all ways OM can attempt to contact you.

DG what are you thinking about by playing games with this man over who is better in bed? This guy is going to use you to get what he wants and then he will be gone. You need to set some serious boundaries and have NC with this man. If it is just sex you are interested in the best sexual encounter you can have is right in front of you, your husband.

What can we do for you, DG? I don't see a question here.

Thank you, Scotland!

Yes, wanted to for a while but can't.

Of course I did wrong. I realized that from the beginning but I liked the attention he gave me.

OM is a close friend, almost my best friend. I have known him for 12 years. I met him the same time I met my husband. I met him in a chat room with 6 other people from the same town where I grew up. We were always close then. We stopped communicating around 2004 - not really sure what happened. Then we saw each other again in FB in Nov. 2010.

When OM treats me bad (insults, and laughs), I actually appreciate my husband more. I told myself that my husband will be never be like him.

Yes, I do want to save my marriage. I love my kids so much and will try my very best to bring back my husband's trust. My husband and my kids do not deserve this. I am selfish.

DG, are you interested in earning your husband's forgiveness?

Deceptive, you are walking the road, eyes wide open, to a perverse hell.
You are deliberately behaving in ways you know are unacceptable and wrong.

You are doing this with another woman's husband.

And, your purpose for this deliberate perversion (with another woman's husband) is so you can be admired for your body.

Your intention is not to become a better wife.
A better mother. A better friend. A better citizen.
A decent human being.

The goal you seek is to be admired without clothes.

You are willing to break hearts of innocent people, children included, so you can be admired for your body.

You said:

Then you said:

I would add .... You are shallow & superficial.

Here are my thoughts.
Aspire to loftier goals.
"Don't I look good naked!" is not something you will feel proud of when you reflect back on your life.
Looking good naked, and having another woman's husband get an erection is not something you proudly highlight on your life's resume. It's not something you'd want to be carved into your headstone after you die.

Aspire to loftier goals.


Meanwhile.
Educate yourself about Marriage Builders.
Buy the book (SAA) Surviving an Affair and read it with a highlighter.

Make this your short term goal ~~~> Learning how to survive your affair and restore your marriage.

Meanwhile, you need to confess to the other wife.
Call her up with your husband sitting by your side.

Do you want to be remembered for being a good person?
Start with a confession.

The worst nightmare that I have - pictures of me topless all over the internet. What is POSOM?

Thank you.

[/quote]


Now that you realize you had bad bondaries you need to put them in place along with NC.

Okay.

You must call OMW and expose this affair. Then follow up with NC letter.
NC letter must be sent to OMW apologizing for the affair and promise of NC.

We are actually friends in FB. OM tells me that she talks about me a lot at home so I always wonder what he tells her. Probably all the bad things about me. I am so scared of doing this letter to OMW. She will probably laugh about it and post my affair in FB. I have families and close friends in FB and my husband and I have 2 young kids. My husband has a very good position in a respectable company and I would rather hang myself right now so I can hurt him less. I know that I owe her a huge apology. I am so stupid to fall for this guy.

Then you must change all phone numbers, email addresses, block OM on FB, block all ways OM can attempt to contact you.

I am all willing to do all of this without problem.

[/quote]

Like I said, it was a poor selfish decision done by me alone.

I need HELP to stop this. Please.

Yes, I do and he do not deserve to be with me. I am so pathetic and a scum bug.

Quit your pity party and think about what you've done to others and do something about it.

No, I don't. I am starting to do this by being here.

Quit your pity party and think about what you've done to others and do something about it.[/quote]

I have thought about what I did to other people and will probably be in my thoughts forever and I am willing to do something about it.

When do you plan to contact OMW?