It's absolutely not too early. You're going to be individually counseled anyway, so take the first step whether he's on board right now or not. It will be a grand gesture to him (eventually) that you are committed to doing everything in your power to right your wrong.

His emotions right now are all over the place. Expect very little cooperation from him right now and brace yourself for pretty much anything and everything emotion wise from him. He is in a very dark place of which you have no comprehension. I have been there and, honey, it is NOT pretty. I recall thinking hell would be preferable to what I was going through.

And make damned sure you have not left ANYTHING out! Think, and think hard. It may benefit you (and him) to sit down a write out a time line of how things began, progressed, and eventually led to your betrayal. Divulging bits and pieces here and there will bury you. Of course, you just got a little taste of that truism yourself, huh? Make sure he has everything that happened in his possession, no matter how difficult it is for you or how much more you think it will hurt him now.

You're gonna get some serious 2x4's around here from time to time, but understand that they are delivered out of real concern and compassion for your situation. Everyone here wants to see the both of you recover your marriage, and it can be done. There's a proven path to recovery, and you have very luckily landed in the best place possible to make that happen.

Hang in there and keep pluggin' away

Is the way to go.




Total baloney. How can kids realize and learn by what a WW has done to the BH. Totally vague and meaningless.

I sent them an email today with all my info as well as the dates and times that we are available. As of now, BRICKS want me to move out this week. I trickle truth. I called him this afternoon 3 hours after lunch telling BRICKS about the appointment. He asked me if there was anymore I need to tell. I didn't want to say it at first because I was at work and he's at home with our son. I said I want to tell him in person but he wanted me to so I did. I told him that the NY trip was the second and last time I met with the OM. The first time I met OM in person was in July. I told BRICKS that I wanted to tell him 2 days ago but he was in a bad shape that I can't go on. I told my very close girlfriend about the affair today at work. When he first received the picture, I told him if there was something he needed to ask me that he wants to know to please ask me but he did not do this. I disclosed all my affair with the OM to BRICKS but if he had asked me, I would have spill it right away. I got home and updated the timeline like he asked me. I am sure in my heart and swear to GOD that it's everything. I told BRICKS the timeline was updated and he wanted to talk to me. We talked upstairs while the kids are downstairs. He asked me everything about how it made me decide to do it with the OM and the how the SEX was - positions and everything! I told him everything. I am so embarrass to look at him. I took all the clothes that I used when I met up with the OM like he asked me and put it outside. I have also packed some clothes that I may need. I returned all the credit cards, debit cards and insurance cards to him as well as the engagement and our wedding ring. I gave him all our financial info as well as passwords and login informations. I am not worthy to wear it now. I read to the kids before they went to bed - I hope it's not the last one. I gave them the tightest hug and I told them that I might not be there tomorrow. I told them that I love them so much and that they be good kids esp. at school. It's now very clear to me that I might lose them in the end as well as their respect. Sorry for the lie again. This will be the last lie, I swear!

BRICKS told me to cancel the appointment. I can't really afford it right now. As soon as I have the money, I will.


Actually he was still the nicest but this evening, he was very angry. Still very caring. He wants to make sure I have a place to stay this week.

No more. I am open to any questions that BRICKS may have.


I know. Thank you. I hope BRICKS and I can recover our marriage. I hope he forgives me. I will continue to post here. So much GOOD are in this forum.

I will wait on BRICKS on how he wants to handle this. Thank you.

I'm sorry, but I don't believe you.

We all knew that there was more. WE all knew that you were trickle truthing. You are a wayward. You LIE. This isn't new to us.

You need to get on the phone with Steve YOURSELF. One session, to help you through this. You need to spend the money because a divorce is going to cost you a lot more.

Expose to EVERYONE around you, and Bricks. The more you don't want to expose to someone tells you that that person is someone to start exposing to. And your children, they should be told as well. They should ideally be told by Bricks, but if not by him, then by you with someone who will keep you accountable to tell them the truth. They can and will understand(especially your 11 YO). I would tell them, "Mommy committed adultery with OM(I would say his name)." Then you can explain what adultery entails, ALL OF IT, from emotions, to SF. Explain to them that you have done something that you vowed you wouldn't do, and now Daddy may choose to divorce you over it, but that would be YOUR fault, since you broke your promise to him. I don't want your children to blame Bricks if he decides to divorce you because this isn't his fault.

Exposure is very very very important.

Have you told your BH the ENTIRE truth about what happened with OM? Are you hiding anything else? [/quote]

As far as I am aware, I told him the entire truth. [/quote]

Why should we believe you THIS time? Why should your BH?

DG, please explain this. What do you mean, 'as far as you're aware'? You mean maybe you did something while you were unconscious, and you can't recall that? Do you see where this is a foggy comment? Can you see where this sounds like you're trying to dodge accountability?

That's okay. I know all of you don't believe me but I have to stand on my word. I am sorry you feel that way but I respect your decision.



Yup. I am a wayward and I lied.



I have actually talked to Laurie already this morning. I was all packed and ready to move out last night but BRICKS insisted that I stay. So, I did. I told him that I will leave the next day. He asked me where I'm staying then I said, don't worry. I will find a way. After I listed everything about our kids schedule, finances, credit cards and so on, I slept downstairs. BRICKS went downstairs and talked to me asking me to stay to fix the marriage. He asked me again where I was planning to go and I told him the same. He offered me half of our money but I refused. I told him that I am very much willing to fix it and work so hard to prove to him that I want to be in this marriage if and only if he wants me to. At this point, I don't have a say.



I told my very good friend yesterday about my affair and I am planning to tell some more people that we know. I even encourage BRICKS to do the same esp. his parents. About the kids situation, I am waiting for BRICKS for the go signal.

You shouldn't. You don't know me.



Because I hurt BRICKS a lot and I will do everything that I can to win him back if and only if he lets me. If he doesn't want me to, then I won't.

I meant, as far as I know in my heart. No, I did not do anything unconsciously. I was not born in the U.S. and English is not our primary language. So, yeah some of my sentences are harder to understand.

YES. No, I am not hiding anything else. I told BRICKS that he can ask me anything and I will answer all of them truthfully.

I think you were being very deceptive on where you were planning to go. If BRICKS was going to kick you out, were you planning on trying to see the OM again.

You don't seem very convincing to me on your intention with BRICKS. As a matter of fact..I believe you would try to see the OM again if you had the chance.

You are quite a good liar..you will have to change that if you want to really reconcile with BRICKS.
Right now..I believe you are just saying what he and we here on the forum want to hear...

It is just my opinion..but you haven't been very honest with us, Bricks or yourself.

I was? How do you know? I told him that I don't know because I didn't know. And NO, I was not planning to see OM again. But, you should not trust my word, right?



I am not trying to convince you at all. Believe what you want to believe. That's your decision, not mine.



Yup, I was. Like I said, believe what you want to believe. I thought you guys know everything?



Yup and you are entitled to that. You are right, I was not very honest with all of you here, BRICKS and to myself.

Drop the defensive act.

You are still showing signs of foggy thinking. You are not broken yet.

It took me a while to get there, too. I didn't find MB until nearly a year after my A ended. I trickle-truthed my H for four months. I would look him in the eye and swear on his life, on the lives of our children, that my infidelity was "only" emotional. I thought I was "protecting" him. Sparing him pain. In reality, I was protecting my own selfish azz. Your lies - just like mine - are an attempt to trick your BH into remaining married to you, a wayward.

Do you understand that Bricks is lying on the floor, bleeding from a gunshot would that YOU gave him? And that each and every lie you tell Bricks - or let me more correctly say - each little blurb of truth that you let trickle out bit by bit - is like you are kicking him while he is down? Over...and over...and over...and over again.

My M is not recovered and I don't know if it ever will. It was not only the fact I had sex with a man not my husband, but the fact that I lied about it, and lied so convincingly. You can do everything in your power to try and make it up to him (and you should!), but he will forever doubt that you have been totally honest with him.

Do you have any comprehension of what you have lost? I do.

That is correct, it is my decision...however I am not the one that needs convincing. it is Bricks who does and right now..it would not be very wise to trust you for a long time.

You were willing to set up a poly knowing you had more to tell.

Your user name suits you.
It would be wise to change that and your username as well.

Well..you can start now by at least being and staying honest with Bricks.
It might just be the English/Tagalog barrier here, but you don't come across as very remorseful..just sorry you got caught..I truly hope that's not the case.

I would like to see you do the hard work and reconcile with Bricks. He deserves an honest and loving wife. If you truly work this plan..that could be quite possible

Huh, was not expecting you to necessarily get it entirely but was definitely expecting an answer that demonstrated some thought and understanding of why honesty is so important. Again, not encouraged.

You realize that people are very sensitive to being LIED to on this forum? I would drop the attitude fast if you expect people to help you. And yes, you do need the help.

You made a point of calling your first thread a very deceptive name. Then you swore up and down you were finally honest and 'felt the relief' of honesty, then when you finally admitted you trickle truthed your H. A horrendously painful yanking around of his spirit by you, you blame your BH for 'not asking' you and claim he was in 'too much pain' for the healing balm of truth.

Your post is riddled with the word 'I' and you talk of your well earned embarassment - not your BHs pain.

I think Bricks deserves to be put first at long last, don't you? You continue to put covering your [censored] ahead of his PAIN.

What are you doing to reveal the truth to him now? How is that poly coming along? Will you allow him access to your email/FB history so he can see what has REALLY been going on?

This is what people say when they know they are in the wrong.

No..we don't "know' you..but your first impression tells a lot about you.
What we do know is that you are capable of huge deception.