Tex,

This is probably the closest I could find for your sitch. Edit as needed...

Dearest <wife>,
This is one of the hardest letters I've ever written. It is with heavy heart that I sit here and put my thoughts and feelings to paper. It is truly sad what has happened to our marriage and us. The path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation. Let me explain.

I would first like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in the demise of our marriage. I have made many mistakes in the past that can not be changed. What I have been able to do is recognize those errors in judgment and have learned from them so that I can take steps to ensure that they will not occur again. I was selfishly caught up in myself, and with my selfishness and foolishness I helped create a void in our marriage that helped allow this affair to happen. I did not understand what you needed, and I failed to provide it.

I did not understand what it took to have a successful and fulfilling relationship, or how to meet your needs. I can not sit here today and say that I know all that I need to know about relationships but I can however honestly say that I have learned a lot about honoring, cherishing and companionship. I want to learn even more about how to be a supportive and loving man, a godly man. The type of man that I hope you would be proud to call your husband; the same pride I felt so many times when I called you my wife. I truly want you to grow in Christ and rejoice in our marriage with me, being close, loving and so much more than friends or roommates.

Since August, I've been trying to give you hope for the marriage by learning how to be a better husband to you. To give you hope that you could return to a marriage that you wanted, and for us to build our family together, but past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. My only saving grace is the memories of the love we once shared, of the all good times we have spent together, your extraordinary qualities that led me to ask you to spend your life with me and thought of us being together, someday happy again. Unfortunately, I now find those thoughts and feelings are slowly eroding away. Before I lose any more of the thoughts and feelings of what was once us, I must take some drastic steps.

<wife>, as you know I am still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you. One, in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished and honored. I simply can not continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are continuing to fail to meet my own needs. It has become too painful. We can only rebuild our marriage--together...when you completely commit to recovering our relationship, when you willing desire me and willingly meet my needs.

Until that point, I feel I must break off all contact with you. I will avoid seeing you or talking to you or communicating with you in any way. To this end, I feel it is best that you find another place to stay, while I stay in our home and continue be the primary care provider for our children. I do not wish for your bond with the children to suffer any further and I will be as flexible as possible with visitation of the children, but I must ask that you not have contact with me during pick up and drop off times. I would also like any of the regular communications between us to be handled through a mutual friend or relative of your choice. If you have any emergency matters, you can always call me or email me at any time.

I hope that you understand that I am not doing this to hurt you or punish you but to protect my feelings for you. I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You must know torturous pain and suffering I have endured because of your relationship with <OM>. I simply cannot be in contact with you any longer, knowing that you still do not desire me, or desire to recover our marriage in a healthy way.

This separation is a necessity to preserve my love for you and to avoid losing any more of the things we have shared together, and to give our marriage the best chance for recovery!

I will be willing to discuss our future together as soon as you are willing to commit to the plan we have discussed to ensure our recovery. Until that time I will continue to pray for our family and us.

In my mind I will keep the vision of seeing you walk through the door and say "hello my love" and of a happy and loving family that our needs are being met and a relationship that no others could come between. I know it can happen! What anyone other that you think about us is of no importance to me or my feelings for you. I have loved you as many different men; as a boyfriend, as husband, as a father, as a business partner, as a confidant, as a cheerleader, as a friend, as a mentor, as a student to list a few. I still love you today; I just can not be with you or help you as long as you stifle recovery.

Your loving husband,
<me>

My wife would be worth the effort to break her fog and press the mb steps to get her you back had I faced that. However six months to earn forgiveness is plenty for a bs to allow. You have laid out the things she needed to do and she's has failed.

Maybe a view of life sans Tex will do the trick.

Plan B is primarily for you. It removes you from the center of chaos and pain, giving you space to breathe and heal.

Happily, it has the side-effect of also being the best chance your marriage has to R from an ongoing A.

Plan B is amazing! After six months I am so much happier. I would get in here pronto.

Ask her to leave. In fact, pack up her bags. Tell her if she wants to get on board with MB recovery, fantastic, but that you arent willing to put up with a loveless marriage.

That is not unfair, that is reasonable. any kind of wayward crap she spouts in repsonse should be met with deafness and : "I am sad you dont want the same things I do. Wanna cookie?"

Click my sig on how to Plan B correctly. Then go into it all of a sudden, without warning. Plan B letter is your only goodbye. Move her stuff to a friends/relatives and change the locks if you have to.

Yep, that is the order.

1. Plan A/expose for the recommended length of time.
2. Plan B.
3. Enjoy the peace.

Ive tweaked the MB letter for your sitch:


Dearest W,

Put some loving memory first.
"I knew I was falling for you the moment (insert memory)."


I apologize to you for my part in creating a marriage that helped make your affair with ? possible. I now, more than ever wish to create a happy romantic marriage that will fulfill us both.

I am willing to avoid learning from the mistakes I�ve made in the past. I want to create a new life for both of us. that will meet your needs and mine. A marriage where we joyfully meet each other's needs. A marriage where we are in love with each other.

But I cannot do that until you commit to the marriage fully and our counsellor's advice. Until then, I will not see you, I will not speak with you. you or talking to you.

Our friend ? has agreed to act as an intermediary for any communication you may need to get to me. I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You must know the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with OM. I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that are still not committed to me. Your affair ripped my heart out, and my suffering must be tended to.

As soon as you are willing to accept the measures needed to repair our marraige, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.

I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day.

With my love,

Excuse me I hadnt realised CV beat me to it!

Hey, now he has two to pick from.

CV

Tex, did we lose you, brother?

CV

Tex,

I'm hoping all is well with you. Please send an update.

CV

Sorry CV,

I have been in a whirl wind? We are still together. She has not moved out.

We've talked more about the future. She is lost and confused. Dr. adjusted her meds, she started losing weight, but still is uncomfortable about her looks. She says all the time, " I'm tired of being fat "...... I wait patiently.

Thanks for checking on me.

Tex,

Thanks for checking in. I was beginning to worry.

What is she lost and confused about? Staying and working? What's the plan now that you are at the 6 month mark?

CV

Hey buddy,

Did you bail on us?

CV

Didn't bail.....No new news. I'm in a holding pattern. MC says I am being too patient, her phyc is saying I should not push or expect major changes this soon.

Marriage is hard enough without the affair BS, the guilt, and her bi-polar. Life stinks for me right now. My job now is to make sure the 3 DD's know we both love them.

Thanks for not bailing on me.

Tex,

Sorry you're still holding... So things haven't really changed with the W? Man, I am sorry to hear that. So I am guessing you are continuing in plan A?

CV

Had lunch today, I went and picked her up.....We spend as much time together as we can. Here is the recap:

1: she knows what to do, but doesn't want to
2: she would rather me leave than try to enjoy SF
3: even though she knows my top EN, she would rather me go without

She has no plan to change other than wait and hope. She blames her childhood, her condition and stubbornness.

We are 7 months out from D-Day.....I have a lost feeling. I feel like leaving....just calling off the whole recovery. Can it be that easy, throwing away 18 years? I want this to work out so badly, I cried for an hour after lunch. I feel no hope, there is no sign of light.

So, nothing has changed on her end at all in the last 7 months? Tex, I really feel for you, bro.

What kind of plan are you working right now? Is there a goal in sight or are you just cruising along waiting for some kind of breakthrough with her?

Where there is no vision... the people perish.

CV

I was working Plan A. She loved it. She was working Plan wait till I "feel" better.

Today I wrote my good bye letter. I will post soon.

One of my heroes passed away, my Grandfather. Funeral is Monday.

My Plan now is Plan B after funeral.

Wonderful - End the cake and watch her starve ...

Sorry to hear this Tex.

Time for to her see what life is really like without Tex.