And, though you two discussed how a split would go, she may change her mind and go after more.
She is reacting right now herself and a flip of the switch could change into a less agreeable person.

How are you going to keep the OM away from your kids if he becomes their new stepdad?

How much more financially is a divorce going to cost than keeping the marriage?

You can still divorce after working the MB plans, but you will have more options as to how it goes if you kill the A first.

An actively wayward wife will turn nasty in a divorce. Guaranteed.

I'm sure at some point we've all said eff this, why should I have to put up with this mess. In my posts, I've done that a couple of times. The anger subsides and you realize that the important things matter more than what you are feeling at this very moment. You look at the kids and start to wonder if you're doing what's in their best interest. You imagine a life without the woman you married. Everything comes into perspective once you can think rationally. Right now, I'd say your anger has taken over. Your taker is winning the battle inside of your self and your pride has gotten in the way.

You have a chance to make your marriage better than ever. You can't undo what has been done, but you can prevent things from happening in the future. It's not just about you. It's about your children, you and your wife. Who cares what anyone else thinks? This is your life. Take the steering wheel before your wife does.

You will have no power to keep OM away from the kids once you D. Any attempt to do so will likely land you in jail or with a restraining order.

My advice to you is to get everything in writing up front from her in a legal document.

But you're a man. If you go to court you'll have the deck stacked against you. It's still winnable, but won't be easy.

If she's willing to cutoff contact and work with you, then you owe it to your kids to try. They'll be grateful to you for it.

She is NOT willing to work with me at all! She does NOT want counseling. She does NOT want to try again. She wants to leave! I can't stop her from leaving.

My best hope at this point is she realizes how good she had it with me. She is going to be so broke and without a vehicle soon. She has a richy kind of life now. That will all end next week.

SM.

I get where you are coming from entirely. I have a very unrepentent spouse. He wasnt interested AT all.

Do I regret working the plans?

NO WAY!

I can tell you right now, that you havent even started on the rollercoaster ride of betrayal yet.

The days will come when you miss her/question yourself/rue the fact that your family is in pieces instead of under the same roof as they should be.

All these things are bearable if you know you have done ALL you could to stop them. Having no regrets (I dont have one) is priceless.

I'm not saying dont divorce her, Im just saying the 'nice divorce' will not happen and your kids future stepdad WILL be a loser unless he is run off.

The OM is financially dependent on others. He could be massively easy to run off.

Why not try to cause a little tension in the A by romancing your wife in a Plan A fashion. Also destroy the fantasy affair land by exposing the A, and exposing the APs to the disgust of all they love. Hopefully OM will dump your wife to save his own neck.

Its worth a shot isnt it?

To get rid of freeloader stepdaddy? You can divorce her after if you want.

At the very least, do htld's advice on getting an agreement from her in writing becuse he has his eyes on your lifestyle as well as your wife.

I'd be having face to face man to man chat with this coward very soon. Ans make sure you tell his Mommy too

You can't stop her from leaving, but she is less likely to leave if you kill the affair. And how do you kill her affair? You expose it wide and far. So far she has been allowed to spin the truth, such as: "hubby and I have fallen out of love and have decided to get a divorce. OM is just my "friend." Putting it that way makes it easy for her to get away with sticking it to you with no pressure.

But it would be very different if you called and emailed everybody and told them the truth: "Sally is having an affair with Joe scumbag and wants a separation to pursue er affair. Please use your influence to persuade her to end her affair. "

Hearing it that way will make a huge difference. And all of the OMs family should be informed of the affair.

Affars thrive on secrecy so if you want to save your marriage, you have to expose it.

Be cause of her AFFAIR. Kill the affair and her feelings will change. She is high on the addiction of an affair. Exposing it wide and far is like bringing in a crowd of people to the crackheads get high. It ruins their high! Take their crack pipe away and then they DO want to work on recovery.

Take her crack pipe away so she will sober up enough to want to do the work to fix your marriage.

Do you understand now?

We live in a town of 2,000 people. This started Sunday and probably half the town already knows. She has lost several friends already. Her entire family is pissed and have told her about it.

His family is trash. Heck his dad is in the pen for child pornography. His vehicle has had expired tags since June. He makes about 1/4 of what I make. He pays child support and lives with his mom and grandma. Also a neice and nephew of his sister that moved away.

Your wife is being allowed to spin the story in a way that makes her departure look justified. She is telling people about her "bad marrage" when the truth is that she is leaving to have an affair. People would be much more inclined to help you if you would contact them personally with the true story. Half the town only knows rumors and lies. Her family and your children only know the spin she has told.

Exposure does not mean half truths, lies and spin.

Go read the thread in my signature about how to do a strategic exposure that will have a greater effect on the affair.

You need to expose this affair. Have you not done so yet? To EVERYONE?

SM, went back through your whole thread. Just how many of these things that have been suggested to you have you actually done??


Seriously....how much??

GO NUCLEAR. Honestly, what do you possibly have to lose??

And what do you possibly have to gain?

All you seem to have done is listened to what the drunk wayward wants.

Drunk wayward says - I dont love you, I love OM
You say - I believe you! It must be hopeless!

Drunk wayward says - let me have my addiction and I will be nice as pie in the divorce
You say - Well so long as it is hopeless, and you promise to be nice in the divorce.....I believe you

Please be aware that the former honest character of your wife has been killed by the A. I t could return, but you cannot trust ANYTHING she says.

Read the Never Take The Word of A Wayward thread.

Saying
I hate you
Dont love you
Marriage was miserable

Is just straight out of the wayward 'leave me alone to cheat' handbook. It means nothing.

Read the thread title here. What were YOU asking for? Help. People are offering you help, and you're arguing with them. You wanted HELP, and now you're getting it. Do what these posters are suggesting, answer any questions, and you will receive what you asked for.

MOST waywards don't want to do anything about saving their marriages, but BSs who work the plans can have waywards who come around. Even if you don't, you will feel much much much better by executing these plans. That's what these plans do for the BS.

Operation let everyone know is perfect. She said i have ruined her in this town and she will never have friends again. She sat here and cried she has no one now.

She wants me to pay for her knee surgery, cell phone, H2 Hummer insurance, while she moves out. I wont do it. She told me she can't do it without me.

All this time all of you said I was being to nice!

When she asks you for money to pay for things, you can say things like, "The money brought into this household is used for the betterment of every member who lives here, would you like some tea?" Just try to stay away from saying things like "MY money." Waywards really grab onto that.

Listen, if your wife's boyfriend's father is in prison for chil pornography then you need to print this information out and use it in your Exposure. You need to let people know, "My wife is having an affair with OM and I am very concerned because his father is in prison for child pornaography and I dont want my children exposed to them. If you have any influence with WIFE, please persuade her to end this affair."

You need to protect your children from your wifes boyfriend, he was probably molested as a child and would be at high risk for becoming a child molester himself.

Oh, and your lovely wife that is crying today, will be fully willing to take everything that the family has in Divorce.
Trust me, she may be emotionally sad and crying now, but people are fight or flight and corner a woman into a room and watch her nails come out and try to claw you to death.

If you get to that point, it's a lot harder to save a marriage than it is now.

If you only want a quick divorce, you should just quit posting here and get a Divorce Attorney.

If there is any part of you willing to save your marriage, then you need to get off your [censored] and get with the program. Anyone can yell at their wife and throw throw their crap on the lawn, the MB program is a lot harder but I can tell you from experience...I am glad that I started following it; everyone here has been in your situation and benefitted from MB

Uh, me thinks she kinda brought this on herself?? That's just me spit-balling though. I could be wrong.

Upon further review...nope, not wrong!



Now finish the job and confront Mommy's boy and get his sorry butt out of your life. Bring Hell to his doorstep. This wuss will fold like a Dollar Store lawn chair.

Mr. Myagi say; "There hope for you SM-son"

Oh, and Plan A your [censored] off!