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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 2
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JVcat Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2012
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I'm brand new to this site so pardon my lack of abbreviations-

I'm 29, my H is 33. We have been together for 4 1/2 years and married for almost 2. He is military, and was a city cop. When we met he didn't want anything to do with love/marriage/children. He is previously divorced with a child and his ex is not so nice. He proposed to me while he was home on leave from a deployment, bought a house and got married sooner than expected (his idea not mine).
About 10 months ago I found out he had oral sex performed on him by a woman he had met through work. This woman told his job about it, he was put on admin leave and was basically forced to tell me. It happened 3 months after we were married. I was in total shock and in disbelief, but was willing to go to counseling. His reasoning was that he had just gotten home from deployment, we moved in together, got married and he just wasn't sure what he wanted but was sorry and was a changed man because of it. Healing is such a slow progress especially since he had complications with work and recently resigned. Jobless, he turned to the military and decided to focus his career there. Currently he is in training and won't be home for a few more weeks. This morning he told me that he had a conversation with an old married friend of his who was having marital problems and he was merely boosting her ego. Her husband got a hold of the texts and threatened to send them to me and well that forced my H to tell me. I demanded the texts and got only one but it was dirty enough to be disturbing and emotionally damaging. He swears he would never act on it and it was all hypothetical but i told him he was only lying to himself. I've asked if I was fulfilling his needs and he said emphatically yes. He feels that he has some kind of problem and is regretful and sorry.
Now at this stage of the game I've shut my emotions down. Of course I'm sad but I didn't let it affect my workday and I'm not sobbing like I did the first time. I honestly looked at divorce papers today...I can't tell if this will work.

Joined: Dec 2007
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Time to call his exwife and find out why they divorced.

I would not be surprised that he was a manslut dropping his pants for OW all the time.

Joined: Oct 2011
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Joined: Oct 2011
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Originally Posted By: JVcat
He feels that he has some kind of problem and is regretful and sorry.


Short marriage, you are young, no kids on your part, multiple (known) infidelities... I'd say it is not worth it anymore.

I think this man is apologizing to you about being unable to stay faithful, both in the past and in your future. People like this "warn" their partner so future indiscretions can be met with: "you knew what I was like..."

I agree with PP: If his ex/mother of his child is a nasty person, one can only imagine why she feels that way towards him. I suspect she's already been through this merry-go-round. This is the kind of man that ends up with 6-8 wives by his 50's.

Joined: Jul 2008
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JVcat,

Sounds like he is really good at blame shifting and will never come clean with you. Does he ever see himself in the wrong?

If you have no children with him just divorce this guy.

And I agree with THE ROAD his ex W will give you a more realistic view of what you can expect from this guy.

Also a guy like this might fight like hell to keep you once you tell him you are leaving, "oh I'll be better, I'm gonna change", maintain your resolve.

God Bless
Gamma

Last edited by Gamma; 02/14/12 11:11 AM.
Joined: Feb 2012
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JVcat Offline OP
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Thanks for the input- According to him- he NEVER cheated on her...perhaps I shouldn't believe that story anymore. The ex and I have fairly good communication so perhaps I will have a little conversation. @ Gamma- He was fighting like hell...until he left for training and then...there ya go. He only wants me and feels like a failure because he failed me, us, his child. UGHHH!! I stuck around the first time because I feel strongly about my vows to God, but I'm seriously losing hope. I'll be able to better assess this mess when I have him face to face.


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