ok new update

things have been going good until yesterday, wife is very very close to her sister and dad which i have no problems with.

a little background before i get too far we live in ohio 2kids that live with us not sure of paternity yet on them and i have a 13 year old son from my first marriage which i spend as much time with as i can.

wifes sisters family is in a bad situation financialy so that in about 3-4 months they expect to lose thier house etc etc. if that happens they said they are packing everything up and moving to nebraka (we live in ohio).

i point blank asked my wife knowing how close she is to her family if that meant she was going to leave me and move with them all she would say is that she hopes it doesnt come to that but if it did she hopes i would go with them because she loves me and our marriage has been improving alot.

she was pretty upset when i told her that i honestly didnt know if i would go with them or what i would do i love my 13 year old son same as i love my other kids i cant picture just packing up and never seeing him again i explained that to her and she said she understood but still said that she hopes it doesnt come to that.

im not sure how to feel right now not sure if i am just being used or what but all i know is that our family should be more important than this.

not too mention the fact that this would also mean that we would have to start all over in nebraska nobody would have any jobs lined up or anything i have worked very hard to get where im at with my job and in sept. i am getting a promotion and a big raise that would make things alot easier for us financially and i like what i do its been a long time since ive actually enjoyed what i do for a living.

i do know that moving would give me a piece of mind about NC being preserved with the OM but i just cant imagine having to tell my oldest son that im leaving and will probably be years before i can see him again and its tearing me up just thinking about this.

Seriously, the Bible states when you marry you LEAVE your parents/family and create a new family.

YOUR child IS PART OF THIS FAMILY whether she likes it or not. And that is a very very cruel thing she has tried to do. YOUR 13 yo child NEEDS you and was there before your ww was.

I would consult the harleys as soon as possible on this one, as what she is asking of you is really really unfair and harmful to your child.

she sounds foggy again imho. Somethin' simply smells right now. Plus you have a great job that is stable and keeps food on the table. Why on earth would you leave a good job in the midst of a financial crisis nationwide to go somewhere WITHOUT a job or a plan or a house to take up with a family that also has no job and no house???

Her behavior right now is imho erratic and is like what I would believe a wayward would behave. It simply makes.no.sense.

Either she's in or she's out. She can't come and go from a marriage as she pleases, and uproot a family without a plan. That is a decision YOU BOTH JOINTLY must make together ENTHUSIASTICALLY. Not make an outrageous demand which could cause your family to fall into financial ruin and also break forever the heart of your child who was there BEFORE YOUR WW WAS.

Imho, you be a parent first. If she leaves to go with her family, THE KIDS STAY WITH YOU. Where you have a job. She sounds as if she is getting her running shoes back on. That does not mean go running with her does it???

Sorry but something sounds terribly foggy right now. I smell a wayward wife again.

Please be a good dad and stand up for ALL OF YOUR KIDS right now. ALL OF THEM need a good, strong and loving dad who is PRESENT in their lives, and a dad who can help provide for them until they are grown. Your ww's ideas are half-baked and sound ridiculous to me and her saying things somewhat "might" work out in the marriage and she's not sure of where she wants to live (ie leave the house, marriage and run away to another state) sounds like she's entering the fog again. Or maybe she simply never really left.

How can you confirm she isn't leaving her job at her lunch hour and having nooky with the skanky om at that time?

Just trust me. Something is wrong. I am a wife, and in NO WAY would I threaten to leave my H with a good job for the both of us and stability for my child and for HIS kids from his prior marriage. If I asked my dh to move away from his two kids, that would rip his heart out and because I LOVE him, I'd never ask something so selfish and so mean. See? What she is asking of you possibly is not even remotely decent or rational.

her job doesnt give lunches just quick 10 minute breaks.

i know from experience from trying to get custody of my oldest son how things work here and unless she does something terribly wrong i wont end up with custody.

and by terribly wrong i mean very bad my first wife let one of her boyfriends beat my son black and blue i ended up with temp custody and six weeks later after x-wife went through counseling she was awarded custody back then 4 months later she got popped for DUI with my son in the car and was charged with child endangerment i again filed for custody when we went to court we had proof that my ex-wifes current live in boyfriend was a convicted child abuser well she lied and said that he wasnt living with her etc etc the judge then proceeded to tell me and i quote "a childs place is with thier mother" and that was that.

i have allready made up my mind that if she leaves and moves with them i am not going im to the point that if i dont make a stand that thier isnt going to be a marriage to save if and when she comes back.

i want to say she isnt in the A anymore but i cant ignore my gut feeling either if she is in then A then she has went way way underground because i cant find any proof and i have been very diligent about keeping tabs on her without her knowing.

I'm with peachy

In 1978 during first marriage, after 1st son was born, and after my FILs death, and MIL,(she was an awesome lady), with the youngest son of 14 moved in for a while with us, her mom wanted to move out with the rest of the older siblings. I would miss her but it would make her happy and she deserved that at her age

She was a stabilizing force in our marrige but still, as well as we saw so much in the same ways. The ones who are married are what it is built upon, and it would be good to be alone again.


When I left a good job to move out and follow a year later because of wives teasing and pouting how "it would make happy", the real revelation of where her heart was came out when we got there, to my utter shock and surprise, she just got tired of being a grownup


1 For my wives happiness. 2 To reunite her with her mother and siblings. It was a disaster

That was my first gut wrenching experience with desertion and adultery after giving up a good job and all my friends to make someone happy. Again.

I smell something fishy too. Probably a lot of stuff under the surface also
It it were me now that this has allready happened to me twice? I would tell her we are staying here and I'm staying with my 13 yr old boy, who BTW really needs his dad at that age . If she insists on going and will not negotiate, ask her to call you from wherever she goes, because you always wondered what color the grass was in fairyland. You are her husband and she belongs with you

That's really all I've got ATM The boy needs you


I
worked two min wage jobs and she finally started working full time

Stupid iPhone I couldn't edit the last two sentences. Please ignore them lol

i know this stuff isnt going to come to a head for a while yet but i am trying to get things set on my end ahead of time.

if she leaves and moves to nebraska my thinking is to go into a dark plan B but how i know absolutley no one in nebraska so how would i know if the kids are ok.

i know in my heart these 2 kids probably arent mine im not stupid but i cant help how i feel either this is like trying to choose one kid over another and i dont know what to do the more i think on it the more cunfused i getif it was just them moving across town or even 30-50 miles away i could deal with it, but how do you deal with your family possibly being torn completely apart.

then i also have to explain to my 13 year old son if this does happen why he cant see his brother and sister anymore.

this whole situation just blows.

You got that right
The. Thing is, you know you are the father of a 13 boy entering puberty.
The lessons you've learned, the similarities in genetics, and the guidance he will benefit from his natural father, are invaluable.

Now the other two children, no matter who is thier genetic father, know you as thier father, because you have the balls to love them

Sorry that's my definition of a man and father

Make a stand for what is true and right and insist she follow. Do the paternity test and love them either way because that is what a man does.

As a matter of fact, that is what God does. You won't ever regret doing the right thing.

Sorry to hear your version of how you lost sole custody of your boy, but just know you are not alone, and because of her influence on him, it is even more important that you be in his life. He needs a man in his life now to help him deal with things clearly and you will probably be the most stabilizing resource for him. Why? Because you will stick by him no matter what, help him to deal with his emotions,( do I have remind you of what happens at that age?), and be an example to follow

The drama of how she managed to holdon to him after being a complete a hole is not new and I'm sorry for what happened

As far as the new kids are concerned, unless ww is comepletly honest with you and your marrige is completely recovered, you might as well forget her because you will be heading for rough waters that will make it very difficult to be a good father image for them. Sorry ladies but many women will use there children to manipulate the law, and if she is manipulating you, why wouldn't you believe she thinks she has the right to manipulate thier emotions?

She has to PROVE herself trustworthy before you trust her again, and the very fact that you are posting here shows she hasn't yet.

My vote is to stay where you are and make it work but you have a boy who needs you. She is to respect that and follow

Praying for you

thanks i needed that

ok wife is off work tuesday and wednesday so when i get off work tuesday after my oldest sons baseball game we are going to have a nice long talk hopefully she will listen to reason if not theni will have to start taking more precautions to try and protect my family.

on a side note my oldest sons team is 9-1 this year looks like we have a good shot at playing for the city championship

Yeah baby!

well been a long time since ive updated on my own thread sorry there has been alot going on.

first yes this was a while ago, but my sons baseball team won the city championship they went 16 and 1.

ok things were going fairly well we were communicating really good she pulled her head out of her [censored] for a while and the whole Nebraska thing is a memory now.

now onto the new stuff

daughter turned 2 in december everything is going good x-mas comes and goes all is well some of my ENs arent being met but she is trying im guessing at hers because she wont fill out then questionare.

on my youngest sons 1rst b-day NC was broken OM calls my wife while we are driving wanting to see the kids (he has never seen or inquired about them until now) needless to say it put a damper on the occasion.

we changed wifes cell number 2 weeks later he calls again from a diff number not sure how he is getting wifes number turns out his latest GF left him and he wants my wife to leave me and move in with him with the kids.

we change wifes number again 2 days later he calls again and starts sending texts from different numbers needless to say my wife is a emotional wreck im doing my best not go ballistic and hunt him down.

we did the at home tests for paternity and neither child is mine which i had pretty much allready known.

we dont answer calls anymore unless we are certain we know who the call is from (wish i knew how the hell he keeps getting her new numbers).

things have been real rocky around here since all this started i know my wife is back in withdrawl SF is almost non existent now along with some other key ENs.

yesterday was valentines day and also our 10 year anniversary we made the most of it even though my plans got shredded thanks to our baby sitter bailing on us 1/2 an hour before our reservations ughhhh so we gathered the kids up went shopping for a while got some take out and rented a movie we cuddled talked got the kids to bed a gave her a massage we threw the movie in then after the movie and making sure kids were asleep and same story as the past mionth and a half she is too tired or doesnt feel good.

im starting to get frustrated and i am not sure where to turn right now the only blessing was he didnt try to contact her on our anniversary.

new update

things arent going very well, OM moved to california but is still intruding and now wants legal paternity tests done and the kids last names changed once he is legally proven the father he also wants visitation which i dont know how thats going to work with him living in california andf us living in ohio.

my wife told me today that if the kids have to go with him to california for visitations then she is taking the kids and moving there because she wont let them be that far away from her.

the status of our marriage isnt to good either SF has been almost non existent since January its almost july and we have had SF 4 times since the beginning of the year, UA time doesnt happen at all anymore no matter what i plan she is alkways too tired doesnt feel good etc etc i do 90 percent of the household work and its been that way for months if she is off work i get home and the house is a wreck so i start cleaning cooking dinner etc etc we eat then she says she is tired and goes to bed and shuts the door leaving me to take care of the kids and do laundry and what ever else needs done.

i am to the point that the only reason im still here is the kids.

i know im probabnly going to get some 2x4s for saying this but i am to the point that im ready to call it quits and just move out, sad part is and i know this is sad losing my wife isnt really that troubling for me anymore i feel like ive been alone in this marriage for a long time now what hurts is thuinking of my kids even though im not thier biological dad ive been the one here raising themand loving them.

So if OM wants the DNA tests then he can push for it. Make him get it legally.

Do you think it's possible for all your kids?

I'm so sorry for this updated information.

If you walked away now do you feel you've done everything possible?

Do not let her take your kids out of state. Maybe you need to get some legal representation?

Rouge1,

There is a chance OM and WW are full of BS, and they both know that you are the biological father, but are trying to bluff you out of the picture. The OM is not the father without DNA.

God Bless
Gamma

How are you doing?