Well I haven't posted for a long time. To give you a quick overview, found out about my H of 30 years in January he started an affair (his first) with a former classmate. She was in a bad marriage, my H was going through mid-life (he denies) and says it "just happened." I have been through hell and back. Tried Plan A, but he would never give her up. Tried to do Plan B, but it was too hard for me. Then in August Plan B was forced on me and I haven't seen or heard from him since. He continues to live with his fantasy mate and according to our daughter is still so madly in love with her. This is someone who would not even give him the time of day when they knew each other in High School. But I guess times do change, certainly people change. I still torture myself with how I could have prevented this. I just don't understand how I could not have known something was wrong. We were in love. He was a good family man... yatta yatta yatta. God this is still so hard, but I am doing much better.<P>Does anyone or has anyone reconcilled with their spouse after an affair of over a year? I still love my H. But our daughter says I hope false hope. I always felt hope here, but maybe hope is not what I need but someone, everyone to tell me go on... it IS over.<P>Am I holding onto dreams? I can never imagine me with anyone else yet I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I feel sad today and that's why I stopped by.

Bev:: Hey,, its great to hear from you.. I think of you often and have wondered how you are doing.. My H has been home since June 8th,, but he has had some problems with withdrawal, and I have known he has had some contacts with her.. Its really hard to do it this way.. My h hardly met any of my needs,, then he started coming around in Sept.. but then I knew he still had contact with her.. But I do have him home,, and that is good,, its still hard doing it this way.. I question everything,,, I need to get to a place where I have acceptance and peace.. I am slowly getting there,,, and I pray that my h is also getting better..<P>Anyhow.. back to you... There are a lot of people that have been through affairs over a year and got back with there spouses.. Freedom had a 6 year affair,, lived with ow for 3 years and now is back with his wife.. <P>I dont know what to tell you.. except to keep moving on with your life.. if he does come back,, at least by then, you will have you back..And you will be able to decide whether you want him back or not.. By then, you may not want him, and you will be feeling much better..<P>Bev: My heart aches for you right now.. I just dont understand this,, I dont understand your H or my H or a lot of this.. All I know is that it hurts really bad... I am so happy you posted... There will be a lot of people to respond to your questions and help you...<P>Has your H persued a divorce at all? If he hasnt,, why not?? If you need to write me private, try pnagel7@cs.com..

Bev,<BR>I think you and I have a lot in common. I found out in March, he left July 30th and I haven't heard from him since Aug.23th. He is in the middle of a midlife crisis. This is also my h first affair. Don't let people tell you how you feel do you really feel like it is over? Do you want it to be over? I don't. I send him notes ever once in a while. Usually it starts out about something that needs to be done on our house I trying to sell it. But I always end telling him I still care , miss him and love him very much, nothing else. i know midlife crisis affairs take longer and are hard to end but I am willing to wait. I am not sitting still though I am moving on with my life. The more involved I get with doing things the better I am. I know how much you hurt, I know the days spent in tears, and the sleepless nights. I know the times when you burst into tears because a memory hit or you saw or heard something that reminds you of your pain. <BR>I spend a lot of time with my grandchildren, I am looking for a new career and I am not sitting still. But I still have hope. I am at diseiler@hotmail.com if you want to talk more about it. Don't give up hope and hang in there you will be alright. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>