He had been acting out in book stores, libraries etc... Going to massage parlors, and hookers for years. When we first met and started to become serious he disclosed to me that he had been sexxually abused by a family member as a child and was deeply scared and had emotional isses with that. Then he told me he was in jail overnight for acting out somewhere but he was "much better now" (big joke that was). I think I chose believe that it was a one time thing and he learned his lesson... Never in my wildest dreams did I think he had a serious sexual addiction. On July 11, 2010 an officer came to my door and asked about my truck that was registered under my name and as it turned out he was arrested again for "public indecencey". I was mortified and hurt and found out he had been doing this 6 months after I met him and then all through our marriage. Since July he's had a major slip and had a sexual escalation of a one night stand with someone off a dating website. We had an little argument and that set him off. I know it's not my fault, these are his demons... But where am I as he is trying to recover? He goes a SA and SLA meetings and see's his therapist once a week but I feel like I'm lost. One of my biggest problems is I LOVE HIM... (grrr) I came out of a bad marriage... I cheated on my husband. I went to a wonderful therapist and and did a lot of work and learned a whole lot about myself. So now, here I am on the other side of the fence and it's quite unsettling. I feel like I understand but I don't because his actons were because of an addiction. And it's like I get a vibe from him that oh because it's an addiction I should understand and "it's ok then" I shouldn't need to be mad then just blame it on the addiction. I understand what addictions do to someone and to a family, my dad was a bad alcoholic and saw how it crippled our family. But this sexual addiction is kinda hard for me to wrap my head around.

So I can't go see my therapist right now as I work as a live-in caregiver (with no internet access) sundays to fridays so I don't have a lot of time to get anything done right now... I know it's an excuse but when you only get one full day off you don't feel like traveling 2 hours out of that one day. He's been out of town for almost a month right now and to tell you the truth, I'm kinda glad I'm away from him. It's giving me time to think about what "I" want. Which I still haven't figured it out yet. Maybe after the May court date we'll know how to proceed with our lives.

Undo is undone

Hi undo. Is this the same guy you had the affair with back in 2005? What happened to your husband, hopeful4you? Are you married to this pervert guy?

Yes, please catch us up, undo. I went back and read some of your posts, as well as your ex-H's. From what I can gather, your H began divorce proceedings in May of 2007, or thereabouts, and began dating someone that summer. Your divorce was final in October of 2008 and you married someone else almost immediately. Is that all correct?

So is the guy you married the same guy you met in the karaoke bar and had the affair with? Your ex-H posts seem to indicate that it is not the karaoke OM, but another man.

Happily ever after .... The wayward/adultery marriage is just one pile of rose petals.

What?
You're keeping this trash around?
Why?

ITA. Undo, if I'm reading your posts correctly, what you're describing isn't so much a sexual addiction as it is an emotional disorder. Has your H received any type of therapy for this?

Karma anyone? And the $64,000 question: are you still sooo blind and foggy that you cannot see it? You cheated on your xH then married a sex addict. Really? Perfect. Doesn't get better than that. Please, update some more...

maritalbliss...

Ok here we go... May of 2007 after devoting my life (totally) to Hopeful and our marriage he told me he did not love me anymore (flat out) I was devistated and pissed. We lived together for about a year as roommates and during that time I met my now "husband" in october of 2007 and in 2008 (hopeful dragged his [censored] with the paperwork until the very end, like a month before and the there was a glitch and I litereally got the divorced the day before I got married... lol) we married. I must say I ran into this with my eyes shut but if felt so good to be loved and trusted again so whatever troubles that laid ahead I felt I could handle. During all of this my Mom and Dad died 9 months within eachother, sold our house and started a new job...

As far as the OM, I had some closure. I saw him and found out how he was doing, he was somewhat healthy and was engaged. I was glad for him and felt I could finally close that chapter in my life.

Hopeful. started someone at work and he was shocked when I guessed who it was... really it was a no brainer. He unfortunately got his heart broken. He dated a few people and then met a nice girl and now they are engaged. I still keep in contact with his Mom via FB. But that is about it as far as our contact.

This whole thing with my now husband is sooo hard on me cause I feel I dunno "left out and hurt" Is that weird I dunno.

savemymarr... Yes I see that pattern as well which stems from my own abuse as a child. My therapist said the same thing, but unfortunately when you're in the throws of your patterns you ARE BLIND.

Thanks Brainhurts...

He's been in therapy for years on and off and since last July he's been going once sometimes 2x a week.

I am going offline till next week as where I work has no internet except for my smart phone so I'll try and update on that (if I can lol, still getting used to it)

And Yes, savemymarr... Karma's a [censored].

Ya know, I just don't have the emotional energy or financial means to get a divorce or seperation. So I think I have shut down emotionally and let myself handle what I can one day at a time.

I imagine it takes a lot of 'emotional energy' and some very bendable 'logic' to live comfortably with a sexual deviant.

Keep your husband away from all children.

Link to Megan's law web site

Not to mention my own co-dependcey issues as well.

Pepperband, thanm for your concern. My children are grown and out on thier own. Believe me I asked him about that and he says his does not effect him that way. He is not a bad man, nor a monster. he has a serious problemand is taking the right steps to help him and our marriage.

Now, do I think he may have another slip of some sort?? Uh yeah, I hate to say it but yeah. And when it does I will definately re-evaluate our relationship. But I pray that it dosent.

As far as emotional energy and bendable logic is concerned... I worry every day, I am numb every day, I get pissed at him every day. I have my own selfish financial reasons, my feelings of love for him, pride, to scared to tell our friends why the couple that was always so perfect for eachother and that always seemed so in love with eachother are now splitting up and lastly tell my kids and his kids (who are also grown) why we are splitting up ... That is why I stay in it.. That is my so called bendable logic.