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#2604464 03/11/12 05:07 PM
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bwoman Offline OP
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I have a problem that I am embarrassed about but which is causing me increasing stress and unhappiness. My husband is simply no longer interested in sex. We have been married for ten years and in the beginning everything was wonderful. He was very loving and we had a great sex life. However, after about a year the sex became less and less. It went down to once a month. Now we haven;t made love for two years. He doesn't seem to mind but I feel very frustrated. I have even considered having an affair. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to get him interested in me again? I love my husband but I also have physical needs.
Please help!

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Originally Posted by bwoman
I have a problem that I am embarrassed about but which is causing me increasing stress and unhappiness. My husband is simply no longer interested in sex. We have been married for ten years and in the beginning everything was wonderful. He was very loving and we had a great sex life. However, after about a year the sex became less and less. It went down to once a month. Now we haven;t made love for two years. He doesn't seem to mind but I feel very frustrated. I have even considered having an affair. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to get him interested in me again? I love my husband but I also have physical needs.
Please help!

Welcome and glad you found us.
You have considered an affair? So you first step is to snoop.

Snooping in a marriage

You need to create a romantic relationship where your husband and you are in love and that you're meeting each other's emotional needs.

Have you read the basic concepts on this site?

This is the best place to put a plan in place and have a very romantic marriage.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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What is his explanation for the lack of sex? Does he view porn? Masturbate? Has he had his testosterone levels checked?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Thank you, yes I am exploring this site. I have recently also come across the work of **edit** and I'm hoping that will help too.
I really would like a very romantic marriage!

Last edited by Fireproof; 03/11/12 05:35 PM. Reason: removing link
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
What is his explanation for the lack of sex? Does he view porn? Masturbate? Has he had his testosterone levels checked?

bwoman,

Did you see Melodylane's questions to you? (see above)


FWW/BW (me)
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Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Thank you MelodyLane! No he doesn't do any of those things and we haven't had his levels checked. He doesn't really see there is a problem and he says it's "natural" for us to not have sex after being together so long. He is loving and considerate to me in every other way and we are happy - but he doesn't get the message about sex!

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Originally Posted by bwoman
Thank you MelodyLane! No he doesn't do any of those things and we haven't had his levels checked. He doesn't really see there is a problem and he says it's "natural" for us to not have sex after being together so long. He is loving and considerate to me in every other way and we are happy - but he doesn't get the message about sex!

bwoman, when a spouse REFUSES the meet the emotional needs of the other spouse, Dr Harley recommends a separation. Check out this article and let me know what you think: When to Call It Quits - Part 1


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by bwoman
Thank you MelodyLane! No he doesn't do any of those things and we haven't had his levels checked. He doesn't really see there is a problem and he says it's "natural" for us to not have sex after being together so long. He is loving and considerate to me in every other way and we are happy - but he doesn't get the message about sex!
bwoman, how long have you been married? Do you have children? It is NOT natural for you to not have sex, regardless of the time you have been together.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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If he is masturbating, you will not know about it. It only takes a minute or two to accomplish the act. He's certainly not going to tell you.

My H masturbated for years, several times a week. We still had sex, although not very interesting, weekly, sometimes stretching to once every two weeks, because he felt like he was obligated. He developed problems pretty quickly with premature ejaculation.

I didn't discover this habit until after we'd been married for about 20 years. I could never figure out why a normal red-blooded male wouldn't want to enjoy sex with his reasonably attractive, slender wife, and masturbation never occurred to me as a possible culprit.

Once he kicked this marriage-killing habit, he became much more interested in SF with me and his performance drastically improved.

If he's not willing to completely solve this problem with you, then I agree with MelodyLane. Read the article she linked to and come back here with your feedback.


Married 1980
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Everyone has asked about him. Let me approach this from another point of view.

Being radically honest here, has anything changed with you that may reduce your husbands desire for sex?

That would include physically, personality, and so forth.

There are basically two or three reasons why a man would not want to have sex.

1. He's taking care of it himself.
2. Medical
3. He is no longer in love with his spouse.

Folks have asked about the first two, what about the last. Is there anything you might be doing that would make it difficult for your husband to still be in love with you?

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Also sleep apnea can cause a man to lose interest.

I sympathize with you, we're going through tests right now because my husband's drive is gone.


Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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Also, some men are not as interested in sex as stereotypes would have you imagine. Sometimes after years of being subject to unwanted attention, a woman find a "real gentleman" very attractive. She figures he must have excellent self-control because he never gives another woman a passing glance, no matter how attractive she is.

Well, maybe he does not need to exert self-control because he is not interested in sex. Or not interested in sex with women. Even men with kids sometimes turn out to not be very strongly motivated toward women.

Lots of things to explore. If you apply the MB principles, you should be able to discover the truth. Make a safe environment for your H to discuss this with you openly. Thank him for sharing the truth with you, even if you are not thrilled about the content of his truth. Together, you can build a relationship that works for both of you.


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I think we were being trolled. No responses to what was written in almost a week now. A third party link removed from one of the three posts from this participant.

I wonder if we are just being trolled?


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