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I think I'll send him a text and let him know that I do not wanting him to come by the house tonight and I need time to process everything. Do you think this is a good idea? I don't want to LB right now!!!
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Be calm.
Whatever he says simply say to him "I would appreciate the truth." Be a broken record to any blah, blah, blah he gives you about why he failed, etc.
No lovebusting. That would simply hurt you (more than him).
I agree that you need to do something to distract yourself today. Something good/fun-ish or cool. Tend to yourself.
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Yes, I saw your response about OW#1 and think that I should call her. Do you think I should call her husband first to let him know my husband failed? What should I say to OW#1?
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Have you ever spoken to OW's BH before? I am pretty sure you told me you had never spoken to OW1...
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Yes. I have talked to OW's H. He is a Sgt. for the Sheriff's Dept.
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OK, I just went back and saw it on Page 1.
Well, I just told OW2 who I was and asked her to please tell me the truth about the A. She didn't tell me the entire truth but she told me more than what WH had told me. When I confronted WH that I KNEW his version was a lie, it led to even more details coming out...
OW are liars so this may not work but I think it's worth a shot, starfish.
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Should I call OW#1 first or her husband and tell him the poly results?
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If he's police, he may be the best person to get the right info!
Interested to hear Susie's advice on cracking this, as she's been-there-done-that
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I would talk to OW1 first because you don't want OWBH to confront her about the poly results and then she possibly won't speak to you...
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Please tell me what to say... Should I pretend that WH gave me information or just ask for her side?
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You could say that WH has given his version of the A over the past 6 (?) years and you would like to hear her version.
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And, should I use the term affair? My WH has admitted that is was an EA?
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I'm afraid she won't answer and then she will call my WH.
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Sf, I am so sorry. I would not contact him at all today. Wait until he contacts you and when he does let him do the talking.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And, should I use the term affair? My WH has admitted that is was an EA? Just say that your H admitted it is an affair. When you call, disguise your number with *67
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sf, I am so sorry. I would not contact him at all today. Wait until he contacts you and when he does let him do the talking. Are you talking about WH or OW's H?
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So I guess I shouldn't leave her a message if she doesn't answer. I doubt she is going to answer the call, especially of it comes in as private or blocked.
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WH just sent me the following email:
I'm e-mailing you regarding your text since I'm at work.� First off I'm not surprised by the results, because I'm a mess, plus I was woken up out of my sleep at 4:30 last night with a gut trenching feeling about the test, and that was when I wrote that e-mail last night.� I want to tell you that I'm telling the truth.� I'm not hiding anything from you.� I'm sorry the test does not tell you that, and I know that will�weigh heavily on you, but maybe I'm one of the 5%.� I assume you don't want me to come by tonight to do yard work?� I'm glad you still want to see our MC tomorrow.�
�
I love you so much and miss you so much.
* My IC said that it would be good for us to discuss the results with our MC tomorrow and for me to explain that he needs to get help for himself before we can work on our marriage. I started thinking about a lot of things and my husband had to see a speach therapist at a Ver young age for stuttering, which he still does on occasion. This can be related to trauma early in life. He is also MAJOR OCD. He is very sick and I know he needs help!!
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THERAPISTS ARE BAD NEWS FOR YOUR MARRIAGE.
The ONLY MC you need is MB(The coaching center and online course). Until and unless your WH is ready, don't tell him about it.
He knew he was lying. He just wanted to get his hands on your evidence. It's a good thing that you made copies.
He's trying to make you believe that he is one of the 5% who the test doesn't work on. I think that he thought he could lie, and get away with it. His worries at 430am show that his conscience was telling him that he FAILED. He was super worried what you would do with that. Now he's trying to spin.
There have been worse waywards than yours. There have been ones who have been caught red handed and tried to get their BS to believe they imagined it.
This doesn't change what your plans are. Stick to Plan A for a short amount of time, and then if he doesn't show complete and total remorse, and a willingness to do everything you ask(which may include another polygraph, one which he PASSES), you would PLan B.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I really need my Psychologist right now and she is familiar with MB. She has been very concerned about me and checks on me everyday. She thought we could use our MC as a listening ear for us to discuss the poly results without things getting out of hand. I truly believe he has a deeper problem here and he needs to figure this stuff out and YES, come clean with everything! The first step is HONESTY! I cannot move forward without it. Plan A is next to impossible right now, as I do not want to speak with him on the phone. We are communicating through email and text only right now. He is staying at his friend's house for the weekend. I need my space to sort through all of this...
Do you think that I should cancel the appt. tomorrow and not discuss these things in front of our MC? I'm so lost....
Last edited by starfish75; 03/23/12 02:05 PM.
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