A fun one he said today:

Him:
I am really sorry for the pain I've caused you
Me:
Tonight while you're in our home you are. And then when you're with her tomorrow night, you're won't be. I'm sorry I cannot believe you.
Him:
I really am, even if I'm not willing to do anything about it right now, gnight

OK, I'll join in. From my WH
"Even if it wasn't for (skank), or marriage still wouldn't be good"

Ummmm, so you took a little bad and added a whole lot of worse in there, did'tja?

Oh, I have another that I forgot about. This one was repeated multiple times in the last 6 wks, most recently last wk.

Him:
Once I decide that I'm ready to try to save this marriage, I won't be like this to you. I'll be nice, I'll want to make time to see you and do what you listed to me (my boundaries and criteria for trying to R), but right now, I don't care. I'm sorry I don't, but until my heart is willing I don't. - he actually said that in therapy!!
Me (and the therapist):
What do you think it is that is going to make you decide, what are you looking for?
Him:
I don't know, it's all something I just have to feel. I'll know when I feel it, it's nothing you (me) can do.
Therapist:
What are you doing to help identify "the feeling" and what are you doing to try to have that feeling with (me)?
Him:
Blank stare -
Its not something I will do, it's something I have to feel.

And then the therapist looked a bit like he knew he was talking to an insane man and started speaking in an even more modulated voice. Sigh.

This was last week before I knew for sure that he hasn't ended the affair as he said he did a month ago. Needless to say, we are no longer in MC right now as its pointless.

Ussually thats the formula

Just like people "expect" for everything to just fall in place. Don't worry, you don't have to work on your marriage, it should just come naturally. Yeah right.

Often told my friends and family, being totally honest."If my mind din't jump to conclusions, it wouldn't move at all"

we are ever learning, but it is not easy. Who said it was supposed to be?

I still love this thread. It was a real turning point for me to learn the man I had known and loved was not in some unique romance, but just acting like all other waywards.

I've already posted Gollum's best ones, but during recent events another one came up that I hadn't really considered as foggy at the time.

Gollum: You really shouldn't have said yes when I asked you to marry me.

Guess even his marriage proposal became my fault...

bump

Ok youi lot get the message from a newbie BS,

Sadly I have accept my WH is a very rude word I can't use on this website.

Here mine;

I don't see it as an affair, it started after I left, in my mind the marriage was dead.

She is not a bad person, she is innocent, our marriage was in trouble before I left.
(this innocent person went on the holiday booked for us with my WH, the week of our anniversary, fully knowing he had only left 2 weeks before mmmmm)

You would like her, perhaps in time we can all be friends. ahhhhhh!

Elleyce, I also heard these very same words! I wonder if he realizes how idiotice he sounded?

I followed WHpastor, tried to check cell phone & laptop usage and when he found out he reasoned, "You obviously have a control issue and won't respect me or submit to me like the Bible tells you to. I know you won't ever change and I think we need to separate."

No sir, you wanted to separate to have more private time with your OW.

During one of our conversations, Pastor confessed to me that he did in fact sometimes entertain sexual thoughts and fantasies about being with POSOW. He followed it up with, "But you need to know that I've thought things like that about you much, much more."

Aawwww shucks. What a sweetheart you are Pastor! I feel so much better now.

My W told me "He is a really nice man. Why couldn't you been that way? I hope you and him can be friends someday. I didn't sleep with him until I had left you. I hope you are not mad at me for leaving"

I have one.

One of WH's OW's was 'the one who got away' from HS. After years of hearing about her and how great she was, I finally met her. At introduction I thought to myself...this is IT? I am 5'10 size 6 and and have been told my entire life I should be a model, not that looks matter to me. She is maybe 5'0 and kinda cute but a cheerleader type with an annoying voice. Certainly not what I was expecting considering he had compared me to her forEVer.

That was the night they exchanged phone #'s and started their EA.

Later, after I found out about it, I told him how 'unimpressed' with her I was when I met her. He said that he too was unimpressed, that he was embarrassed by the introduction because he WANTED HER TO IMPRESS ME. Because I was his wife and friend and he valued my opinion, so therefore he wanted this girl he had a crush on to impress ME, like bringing a girl you really like around your friends and hoping they all think she's hot... He was disappointed that when standing side by side, there was no comparison and he knew I knew it. His bubble was burst, kinda.

Not enough for him to stop himself from started an A with said unimpressive girl. It is all about fantasyland and not reality I guess.

I should have added my W said "you know how nice he is. He introduced himself to you at the picnic remember?" He did introduce himself to me and shook my hand. I told my W that I didn't think me being friends with the man that was screwing my wife was going to happen.

i do not want to make light of words from a WS to a very hurting BS, but this one should come at least in the top 3:

i didn't want to have sex with her. she made me go to her hotel room and raped me!

(ok, may not have it verbatim, but that was the gist.)

feel free to add the emphasis on "want," "made," and "raped" as you read it aloud in your heads.

don't even get me started on a WS using rape in this context as an excuse for waywardness. grrrrr.

Oh. My. Word!!!

The poor guy, such a victim. I hope he reported it. Wonder what the police would have made of that...

I am the bs of letty's comment above.

A) he worked there
B) he did report it
c) this wasn't the actual OW, it was a co-worker and its what brought all of his bad behavior to a halt, with him heading straight to intense counseling.

I'm not trying to stir trouble but if I thought it was something ridiculous to be posted I would have came to this thread and posted it myself.

I came for advise about how to grieve my situation and recover when he has these issues that I don't want to belittle but also want to recover properly.

Not sure what "support" I received as my extremely tender situation was poked fun at. But for what it is worth I will press on because I do feel that several of you offer decent support here. Just wanted to defend my statement a little.

H45,

I assure you that your situation is not being made fun of. Rather in this thread it is often pointed out just how crazy the things that go through ppls minds, and then what comes out thier mouth.

I pray for your recovery and hope that you guys can look back on that stuff and laugh..something like.."Yeah baby, I said that didn't I? I was nuts"

It just happens that the stuff ppl do, and the crazy thoughts, that make no sense, happen to be funny from another point of view when you are not directly effected, or it is something long ago put behind you.

This thread was intended I believe for just that purpose in mind, to show others they are not alone in the crazy things they hear, and to help them put the stupid crap behind and yes, maybe even laugh at it.

Sorry you feel the brunt of a joke. Believe me you are not, and we all take marriage very seriously here, and this site is a great place for healing and introspection. Hang in there

Oh yeah..thinking of Flip Wilsons "geraldine"..The Devil made me do it!


They would laugh their azzs off in private. At least I hope so. But it is never funny to a spouse, who now feels like a failure because they could not protect them...(Umm they wanted to be protected right?) I mean..it is now the spouses fault that they strayed right?

Just not funny really, but neither is slapstick if you really are the one getting slapped.