aah yes but i always feel that its a work in progress.

I want to say much more sometimes but i really dont feel qualified on MB enough to say.

when i post is usually a gut thing and wanting to reach thu and call.

plus i type for s8^*&^ and my brain works so much faster. I leave the vets to rules and the plans.

I really wish i could help more, i just dont know if what i say would be right - its just my opinion.... aahhh dont analyze you vets. you all are just better at verbalizing this all than i am.

indie you are doing great and are helping so many every day, you have set a standard for people.

Yes it is and it seems you're doing a great job!

As indie said (and I to others) you are uniquely qualified to help others. Keep posting. It'll be good therapy for YOU as well. Helping others get through their trauma has it's own therapeutic qualities for you. Use it.


With all you've been through (and I haven't even seen your thread yet)I doubt you could say anything too wrong. But so what if you do? The vets will chime in and you'll learn just a little bit more than you knew before. That ain't so bad, is it?

Great way to hone your typing skills as well! Practice doth make perfect!

Keep on truckin'!

daisy???? whate going on?

Update Daisy? We are worried.

Hello AGAIN...
Sorry I left for a while, it was too much to handle for me.
Things were going GREAT up until yesterday.
Happened to see his cell phone blinking in his pocket as he feel asleep on the couch. I was really beginning to feel more and more comfortable and not checking up on him like before. He's been home alot more, we've been going out on "dates" with each other, cuddling, etc. BUT when I saw that little light blinking and I read that message on his phone last night, all those HORRIBLE feelings came back. It was from the OW saying something like "thanks for yeterday, blah blah blah, I love you so much"

I was gone all day that day but as far as I know he was home (one of my kids was home to verify). Turns out he had spoken to her on the phone. He admitted to calling her! Of course I completely blew up! WHY did HE call HER!? His excuse was because he feels sorry for her, she's all alone and has nobody so he was just checking on her to see how she was doing. Apparently I had thought she was married but he tells me otherwise.

We had a 2 hr conversation that was all over the place.
-He said he never intended to hurt me, nothing else was going on between them.
-I have to understand that he HAD feelings for her and he really thought that our marriage was dead when he was with her.
-He will not be put in "jail" & he will not be controlled.
-He loves me and doesn't think I can ever get over the A and I will never look at him the same.
-He hates himself and thinks he has a problem.
-I deserve someone better
-He doesn't want me to leave him
There's more but these are a few of the things said.

He volunteered to not sleep in our bedroom last night. He got up and went to work this morning without a word to me.
Then sent me a few texts saying:
-he DOESN'T want HER,
-he's sorry,
-he doesn't want to throw away our marriage,
-maybe he needs professional help,
-doesn't want me to leave him,
-he feels worthless and he can't take back hurting me,
-he told her things BEFORE that he didn't mean and now feels bad for giving her false hope.

So that's that! Back to square one I guess. But now I'm torn, I seriously don't know if I can even salvage our marriage. It's been tough for me this far trying to be affectionate with him while having horrible thoughts and visions running through my head. Always feeling like a detective and second guessing everything he says. It almost seems easier to let him go and rid myself of this EVIL. But then I think, going through a divorce is probably even WORSE!

Thanks everyone for listening.

Things were going GREAT, because the affair went underground and you started to get more comfortable.

He doesnt "want to be controlled" as they dont serve cake in "jail"....

I don't think this is true because we've been together CONSTANTLY so I don't know WHEN or HOW he could've been seeing her.

I could tell when he would "see" her before, there seemed to be a whole preparation (that he obviously denied). But lately he's been more his "normal" self. So I don't think he's SEEN her, probably just communicating.

I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment.

Lets say that this is going to go nowhere and I either have to go dark or file for D.

How do you go about doing that? I have kids in school, I can't leave the house. And I surely don't see him agreeing to leave.

I was in a similar boat.....WS was always around...well, while i was awake.....WS would take early morning "shopping" trip (2 & 3 am), and conviently only "browsed"...so no receipts.....just keep snooping......

You need to expose this. If he has an OW telling him she loves him and he is calling her when you are gone, then it sounds like it's an EA.

Do not confront him when you find this evidence just get your exposure put together and do a fantastic Plan A.
Read this. Carrot and Stick of Plan A
Please read this. Exposure 101

Please listen to this radio clip. Dr. Harley talks about the harms on women who live with a WH husband who has an affair. The health concerns on women.
Radio Clip

He recommends Plan B. Please read these
How To Plan B Properly

Also you can have an IM for the drop offs arrangements with the children. IM Training School

I CRINGED when I saw this. Really? JUST COMMUNICATING. That is an AFFAIR my dear. When he puts someone else above YOU, it is HARMFUL and HURTS your marriage. The affair is ON. It isn't over. He hasn't chosen you over her. He is CAKE EATING. The affair is underground. You should have known about his phone call to her BEFORE the text from her. Why didn't you know about it? Aren't you snooping?

I apologize, I don't remember all of the details of your sitch, but are you going to PB him?

Daisy,

I just read your whole thread and you've been on here for 3 months and received direction from some of the top vets (Melodylane, Pepperband, Maritalbliss, Mortarman).

You had 23 pages telling you to get the Intel and expose.

You never exposed to even the BH of OW.
You left for two months and now you're back.

You said you're always together except for the other day.
This day he talks to her for two hours.
You find a text on his phone "thanking him for the other day and how she loves him".

You still haven't exposed and you're wondering what to do. If all the posters received the direction you received from the plethora of wonderful VETS we'd be ecstatic.

He never stopped his playing ways he just went further underground and cake ate for 2 more months.

I would prepare for Plan B.

daisy, honey, it's time for plan b. he is still soooooo wayward. all he wants this, he wants that, blah blah blah. you need to get on it, girl. you've got big work to do to get into plan b and make *yourself* feel better!

Are you going to expose your WH's affair?

Daisy, the affair continues because you followed none of our advice. And you want more advice? Why? So you can ignore that too?

I was AMAZED to read this. Dr H tells even couples who have never experienced an A to check up. And where is your spyware etc and snooping methods?


He's going to tell you whatever is easiest at the time.

He's a full blown addict desperately trying to juggle two women cause he can't bear to lose either one. It would be so easy to knock his juggling act with exposure.

Easy peasy. I would do exposure and keep Plan Aing him hard first though. Once he's had all the key people come down hard on him about ending his affair, it's time to ue a different kind of stick.

Pack his bags, book a poly and tell him he has two days to come clean about the extent of this affair and to take real action to stop contact occuring again by committing to full EPs.

(and you need to be quietly installing snooping devices EVERYWHERE like yesterday)

Look very unimpressed if he says he wont go no mattter what.

If the two days come and go and the poly remains untaken, and he's not on board with EPs, take the bags to a storage facility and have the locks changed while he's out. Have someone trustworthy give him your Plan B letter, which should contain the key/access to his belongings in storage.

You should be preapring for Plan B while Plan Aing him. This means getting yourself a good, neutral IM and getting legal advice about how you can protect your finances and attain support while separated.

The link in my sig explains how to prep for Plan B.

I would get studying up on exposure first though and put all your efforts into that. Read the link in Mel's sig.

Good grief. His little speeches could have come directly off the following thread. Which you should read if you havent already.

NEVER take the word of a wayward



Please decide that you deserve better than this charade by sticking to the MB plans in FULL