Thank you, I have considered this but know quite a few people on AD's and have said it's a guessing game. They say that it takes about a month to experience the effects, IF you're on the right one for YOU. If not, then it's on to #'s 2, 3, 4... the whole process can take months!
But i know I should at least give it a try. But that's just another negative mark for my WH, because of HIM i have to be MEDICATED?!!

I know I seem to be difficult and I believe that it has a lot to do with me not thinking that I could EVER get over the fact that my H was "with" another woman. No matter how wonderful and reformed he may be, that thought will NEVER leave my mind and then it would be ME ruining the vary marriage that I saved.

Read this for some inspiration from Dr. H
How can trust be restored after an Affair
First you need to take the steps to get there.

You're missing the first one which is exposure. You can't get to the finish line without taking the first step.

One more time. Can you go to the library to do some Intel?

Soul searching and "deep thinking" is an excuse to avoid taking action. Your "soul" does not have the answer. WE DO. Your best thinking has led you to this terrible place and unless you stop going by your own plan and listen to us, we can't help you. Let us know when you get serious.

Daisy, the people who make it are those who can put aside their feelings and follow a plan. If you can't put aside your feelings you are not going to make it.

yes I believe so.

has anyone purchased a phone report from intellus?
Im afraid to do it with my credit card

Ive also tried using an international phone directory but seems to be a wild goose chase. If anyone has actual web addresses to preferably free ones thatd be great!

You get cash back when you go to store, let's say Walmart and then you purchase those visa debit/credit cards.

You were told this earlier in your thread 2 months ago by Maitalbliss I think it was. Will you do it this time?

yes, but time is working against me. I like to do things asap when i have the chance. there isn't a way for OW info to get blocked or removed is there, like if she changes her #? Also which site is the best to purchase from? Spokeo seems to have a lot of info but wants $15 per month for 6 mos commitment.

That's why everyone is pushing you to act.
Read this Online reports

Daisy, you seem to misunderstand the plans.

You don�t have to make up your mind 'right now' that you want to take him back BEFORE following the plans. That would be impossible since he is currently a cheat and a liar. The plans are simply designed to prevent you from being turned into a nervous wreck by his toxic behaviour. You follow the plans for your OWN healing and to keep marriage recovery POSSIBLE. To keep your options open.

You can ditch him at any point unless you are 100 per cent convinced he will make you feel safe. We can help you with all that stuff later.

For now, you NEED exposure. I can't stress enough that other people will not pity you. Not unless you only know people who are real losers. This is merely your own fear talking. People who love you will want to help and will feel indignant for you. They will tell him to wise up! That you are the best thing he ever had! We are all telling you, as people who have done exposure and faced our own fears of looking foolish, that finding pity is really not common. Fearing it is though.

Plus you will also discover about 40 per cent of your friends have a little 'secret' A in their own marriages. Seriously.

No matter what happens, you will need the support of people who love you. Whether you recover or whether you divorce. Give people some credit and let them help! What did YOU do wrong that you should feel shame?

Just work your plans for your own protection and let WH do the work in proving himself.

I am divorcing, and am fine with it because I gave it my all before he proved he was a False Recovery risk. Plan B also makes divorce hurt less (It really does). The path you are choosing, Plan C is phenomenally painful, whereas the MB plans could give you a trustworthy marriage back - or at the very least, a personal recovery like mine.

Glad to see you getting on with some detective work!

FYI, ignoring ML is NOT going to help you save your marriage.

Did you see this post?

Thanks indiegirl! I appreciate your insight, it's very helpful.

I was able to do some searching and i THINK i found her!
I did not purchase anything on line with that card because all the sites i visited wanted my name and address and credit card billing address etc. So i do not have the reverse look up info for her # but i do know that it's a cell.

I think I've found her mother's home number and her sister on facebook. That is if i have her correct maiden name. And if this is in fact the correct person, I may even know where she works.

So, what do you think I should do? I was going to attempt to call the mother and message her sister through facebook. This is of course hoping that I have the correct person (im 85% sure).

Apparently I need a little hand holding, Im probably the most honest person you can meet so this secret sneaky detective stuff isn't really easy for me.

Thanks

I was hoping someone would respond quicker, I only have a limited amount of time to try this today

Yes call her mother and message her sister, but exposure needs to be done all at once.

So you need to Also tell your children and your family and his.

From her sister's facebook could you get anymore relatives for her?

Still trying to search deeper, discovered her mother past away last year.

There is a major web connected to this person and im trying to make sense of it all (a lot of different addresses). I sure hope I got the right person.

How do you suggest I initiate communication with her sister?

Should i even attempt to call the OW directly? What would I say?

---I have to tell MY KIDS!!???!! That is something that I do not want to do.

Daisy you would need to hang fire on the exposure. you need to expose to everyone on the same day, so its important to have a good exposure plan.

Have you read the exposure thread?

Post your full exposure targets list here and your exposure letters here so we can help you get a plan together.

I'm concerned you're not sure of her identity. Can you explain why you are not sure so we can help? When you expose you need to be sure of your facts.

Daisy go back and read this. Exposure 101

Melodylane has all the facebook sample exposure letters on what to say.
Also you will see what Dr. H says about telling your children.

Read that and come back, but I think you'll find all your answers.

I have a name, a town, and a number.
I cant get reverse info on the number because the sites want MY info to purchase and I don't want to have a monthly subscription OR enter my name address etc.

I extensively searched online and found everything to be connecting to the same person. Which is how I got maiden name etc and there's a lot of different towns shes lived in that also connect to her maiden name. I found her on facebook as well but her friends list is private. I did however find a way to see a few that is how i discovered her sisters, which have her maiden name. I also found where, i believe, she works. This is all contingent upon it BEING the CORRECT person though.

What i wanted to do was contact the people that i found and do some fishing to find out if this is the correct OW. When i got confirmation then I would expose the A to them.