Hi all,
Husband and I have been increasingly leading separate lives over the past 18 months due to conflicting work schedules and the demands of small children. We are also spiritually mismatched in the sense that while we are both Christians, my husband is devoted to his denomination and its particular practices which causes conflict in our marriage (i.e. the keeping of a full 24-hour Sabbath in very restrictive ways).

I have often felt that I am not a priority in his life; he tells me that I am but I don't see it. He spends hours each day reading his Bible and praying but has little time to talk to me. He also keeps a journal of his Bible reading which he does not want me to see. Anyway...after 2 years of not looking I actually looked at it tonight. I found a list in the back of the journal that he entitled: "Structure". He listed 7 things that he wanted to focus his day around. Going to the gym in order to be more spiritually fit was #2, bible study #3, career enhancements #4. "Time with Heather" was last on the list at #7. So there I have it, in writing. I am ready to file for separation but I am hesitant for the fact that we have 2 very young children whose lives would be upended and I do not wish to do that to them.

I am angry and sad. I feel guilty for being jealous that he spends more time with God than me, and on the other hand I feel neglected. He is an appeaser; if I tell him that we need to work on it he will say "absolutely" but then nothing will happen.

Thoughts?

Welcome.
You will need to POJA this and come up with an "enthusiastic" decision. Until you both enjoy the same religion you should do neither.

Please listen to this excellent radio clip where Dr. Harley talks about a H and W of different religions.
At 3:45 mark on POJA on religion
Tell me what you think.

Also have you read Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts?

You can fall back in love with each other if you get 20+ UA together and be each other's favorite recreational companion and meet each other's top EN.

Please read this also. Not Enough Time together

Here is another excellent radio clip on Dr. Harley talking about how to "fall back in love with each other".

Radio Clip on UA and Falling back in Love

BrainHurts strikes again! Thanks for all of the radio clips I'm finding around the forums

I listened to the radio clip because this is the biggest divide in my marriage.

Is there something I can find where Dr. Harley specifically addresses a couple where one is atheist and the other is VERY religious?

I thought you were both Christians?

I'm not the OP, just posting because the radio clip and post is somewhat relevant to my situation as well....

I'm sorry...my bad!

Try these.
Conflicts of Faith #1
Part 1 #2

Some more.
Conflicts of Faith Part 2 #1
Conflicts of Faith Part 2 #2

So... which are you?



Trick question, it doesn't matter!


How do you handle this difference? By eliminating Disrespectful Judgments born of the differences in faith. This can also be applied to differing levels in education, different professional backgrounds, family backgrounds, etc.

Though, both you and the OP may benefit from the newer book;

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6029_dc.html

1 Corinthians 7:12-14 - To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Thank you for the information. And for the person that asked, I am the atheist and my husband is Mormon.

I am, and have always, embraced the parts of his religion that promote family, marriage, and respect. After all, part of the reason I love my husband is because of some of his beliefs.

Small issues arise with some of the things he was taught by his father under the veil of religion. I don't want to pass on racism, bigotry, and sexism to our children and his father is FULL of all three. And taught his children these beliefs as part of their religion. I don't believe all people of his religion believe this, but his parents try to constantly influence my husband when it comes to religion, the structure of our marriage, and how our children should be raised.

My husband and I are very good at finding a middle ground that works for us since we've had many, many discussions about it before we married and we have an agreement about future children.

I'm just trying to figure out how to POJA our beliefs with children? And how do you keep in-laws from trying to screw up your agreements behind your back? How to you get them to respect the fact that your marriage and how you raise your children WILL NOT be what they want?

You would use the principles of the POJA on this issue the same way you would any other issue. Learn how to use the POJA and you will be able to negotiate an agreement that makes you both happy. The same thing with your in-laws. Use the POJA.