Post your letter here.

Read this Recovery Guide for Wayward Wives

BV, I'm liking your attitude so far, but we will be a bit wary and tough on you and pressure you to prove yourself.

You'll need that though, it'll toughen you up for the uphill task of proving yourself to BH.

I would get your EPs lined up, (post them here first) and send them as part of an apology letter to your BH.

You can't show transparency as someone barred from his home but you can OFFER him transparency if he should ever want it. Being offered choices mean a lot to a BS who had their marriage ripped away with no consulatation. You should also stress that you would understand his choice to not give you a chance. Just offering him choices will be some compensation for the time you gave him none.

One way you could offer him transparency is to give him the link to this thread. If he retains any lingering interest or simple curiosity, he'll read along. But its pressure free as he doesn't have to tell you he's doing it. If this site is for him, then he may start posting - again his choice.

Would you be willing to offer him a polygraph to show transparency and truthfulness?

A postnup in which he gets everything should you divorce due to any future adultery?

Have you ever offered him an NC letter that he can send the OM?

Are you a fellow brit, by chance?

Thank you IndieGirl. And yes, I am ready to be 'toughened up'!

I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I guess sometimes it just feels very lonely and I want some understanding from people. I appreciate all the support from here so far.

Nope not a fellow brit :P A New Zealander :-)

I love your idea about offering him transparency if he ever chooses to try again.

It's been very hard knowing the 'how' in fighting for my marriage. Above all I want to respect his choices to gaurd his heart.

I will keep working on my Ep's, apology letter and post them here.

Did you write a NC letter to your OM and let your BH read and send?
No Contact Samples

This was done back in Sept. Has not been done since.

I have let my husband know that I no longer have anything to do with OM but that was as far as I thought was appropriate since we were seperated.

To be honest, i'm reluctant to send OM anything. I don't want anything to do with him and because i've already blocked him from everything I feel that sending a letter is a contradiction to everything i've done to rid him from my life.

I cannot express how much the thought of this person makes me feel sick.

I guess I could write a NC letter for my husband to send if he wishes to...

Here are the EP's I have come up with so far;

(eek feel a little nervous about posting this, doesn't feel like enough)

� No male friendships where at all possible
� No intimate conversation with men
� Quit alcohol for good and attend female only AA
� Facebook � would create a joint account if we reconciled.
� Will allow access to my phone/all email accounts whenever requested by my husband.
� Be accountable for my day by providing access to work diary.

I realise this is more personal than example NC letters of EP's but does anyone know of any example apology letters?

Actions are what your BH needs right now. If you write the NC and send it to your BH and tell him it's his choice to send it or not.

Actions to prove to your BH you're serious this time. It's your job to protect him now.

Okay, this is kind of bothersome to me. Why do you need examples of apology letters? This isn't an adultery exposure letter or FB letter we're talking about here.

If you really have the remorse you claim to have on this board then a letter of apology shouldn't be something you need help with.

Wow thanks for that You are correct, I don't need help. But my insecurity and fear of getting it wrong made me think I needed some examples.

Funny cause as I was hitting submit i thought i might get a reply like that... I'm just so terrified of pushing him further away that i want to do everything right.

Sincerity and radical honesty is never wrong, no matter how much it may hurt initially.

It's a pretty simple concept.

BV,
Welcome to MB. From one WW to another this site can save you if you make every effort to follow the steps. No matter what choices your husband makes stick with this program and make yourself a better, stronger person. Listen to all of the advice given.

I don't want to stir the pot and I may be thinking this because of my own situation, but do you have any suspicion that your BH might already be involved with someone else?

Why would she need help?

Because the apology letter would likely have rationalizations and excuses. A peer review allows it to be vetted and her mindset will be open to the forum.

So; write one and post it for vetting.

If I am reading this right, you ended things with OM in Feb. Why did you have contact with him 5 weeks ago?




If you have only "blocked" his email and phone then you have not taken every precaution. He can easily call or email you from another phone/email address. You should change your phone number and email address if you are serious about never hearing from him again. Did you two communicate via FB or any other means?

If she has rationalizations and excuses for her behavior, then that would show me that her motives for this "apology letter" are self serving for justifying said actions.

If she is truly as repentant as she claims to be, then she shouldn't need a whole lot of help.

JMO

Thanks HoldHerHand, brilliant reason for posting it up. Yes, i've already in my head been drafting (will start of paper over the weekend) and found myself rationalizing - not acceptable.

Thanks, i will try and get the courage up to post it once it is drafted.

Um, yes you are right, but sometimes rationalization is part of an automatic response, built by years of being selfish. I'm learning to NOT be self serving... and it's not going to happen overnight. What I can do alongside this is pray that God will speed my new ways of thinking/behaving and by his grace and power I will become the selfless person i need to be in my marriage.

These auto pilot responses DO NOT mean that I am not truely repentant.

Thanks SusieQ - the contact i had with him approx 5 weeks ago was initiated by him, wanting to see me or talk to me, I declined him and it was only after that last lot of contact from him that I blocked him from emails etc. He is blocked from my FB account too. Being blocked from my emails - as far as i am aware - means i will never receive anything from him. I no longer have the home phone number he knew as we have sold the house and moved on. He does not know where i live or any new phone numbers.

Hi FifteenYears,

I don't know for sure that he isn't 'dating' someone. He has told me that he isn't, but that he's looking forward to it.

He is spending time with a single mum who has kids the same age as our daughter, he says it is to make friends with people who have kids the same age etc. (I was always the one who did this in the past so i suppose he feels some responsibility now that he has shared custody).

But yes, i suspect that this women would be the first he would officially date. I even suspect he has been introduced to her by our mutual christian friends.

I get that.

My point is having things vetted helps US to help HER to learn to use radical honesty, to eliminate selfish demands and disrespectful judgments, and to shine light on areas that need MB tuning.

Most people don't have these tools. If they did, they wouldn't need MB now, would they?