i am a 40 year old man, which has been married for 9 years, with one son. my wife has been "friends" with a man at her work for over a year now. our relationship has been brutal as the days go by, we fight more than we ever. i caught them last year talking and texting and i asked her to lose contact with him. she continued talk and texting him, becuase she bought her own phone and i could not see who see was contacting. about 3 months ago, i caught her with him in our SUV in a parking lot, but it was a very public parking lot, and she states they are "Good friends" and they were just talking.

3 weeks ago she told me she weas heading to do some shopping at target, but she was too dressed up for a target trip, so i decided to drive by the PUB near her work. i saw her vehicle parked out front, and i went inside to confront her. she was inside with a bunch of men co-workers. i let her see me then i left. when she came home she told me she was just DRIVING by and saw their vehicles and stopped to have a drink. i told her i wasnt worried about who she was with, i didnt like that she lied to me. she told me that she is sick of me following her, which i never have until i had a bad feeling about this target trip.

the same week, but on the weekend, she was heading for a girls night out. i stopped by the same pub and saw her inside with her "Friend", i look through the window but didnt let her see me. i then texted her asking how the casino was going. she said she wasnt winning anything but was having a good time. again more lies.

that weekend, i looked up her "friends" address on the internet and realized that he lived 1 block from a place our checking account showed my wife had been to several times. i went to the place and asked the staff if they had seen my wife, who she was with, and what nights they were there, and if it was a group of people. the staff told me she was going there every weekend for the past 6 weeks, only with her "Friend", which i had a picture on him from Facebook. i asked if they were kissing or doing anything inapropriate actions and they said no they didnt.

i confronted my wife the next morning, and she denied everything and told me to quit following her. and told me she had never been anywhere with her "friend" alone.

5 days after the weekend, i drove by their "Meeting place" and i saw her vehicle parked in the parking lot. i watched the vehicle for 1.5 hours, and she didnt come out. i went over to her friends appartment and found she was inside alone with him. they think i am stupid and claim they are just friends and nothing is going on.

i called his wife and talked with her about the whole situation and she said she had noticed blonde hairs in their appartment for about 9 months, and she told me her spouse had not been having sex with her for the past 9 months. she filled in some of my missing questions, which i was really upset but very thankful. she has told me her husband is divorcing her and he is moving out at the end of may.

my wife still has no idea that i have talked with her "friends" wife and due to all of the fact above my wife wants a divorce from me, becuase she claims i have no right to follow her around and to check up on her.

i talked to a friend that frequents this website for advice and her told me to cut my wife off from our account, which i have done. my wife has been getting poor advice from co-workers and she seems to think she is going to get everything and i will be left with a carboard box. we have both seen a lawyer last week, and she doesnt seem so happy about the news she was giving from her lawyer.

my wife lives upstairs now and i havent spoken to her in a week. all i do is cry, i cant believe what is going on. i have thought all of this, but believed all of her lies until the target day. it almost seems like she hates me now and i dont know what to do next.

HELP!!!

I feel your pain my friend. I have been going through nearly the same thing. I am no expert here by any means. Did you listen to today�s Marriage Builders broadcast? Dr. Harley talks a lot about a cheating wife. It is much harder on the husband. 1) Stop your love busters, 2) fulfill her needs, 3) expose the affair to EVERYONE.

Also he said, next time you catch them at the bar, walk in and confront both of them. Tell HIM to his face, you love your wife and he has a fight on his hands. You do this, because their relationship is built upon the problems in your marriage, she is leaning on him for emotional support. So from his point of view, you�re not doing your job and he thinks he is better. So now he is pouring out all kinds of support for her.

Once he realizes that you do love and care for your wife, his perspective will change immediately. He will see her as a burden. Dr. Harley said that most people DO NOT want to break up a family and when he is confronted, he will realize what he is doing. Your job is to win her back.

Hi sorry you are in this situation but glad you are here because this is your best chance at saving your marriage,

I am not a vet but they will be along shortly, it is the weekend and the forum tends to be a bit slower.

It it absolutely your right to check up on your wife but there are more efficient ways to do so like a gps in her car, key logger on the PC and VAR (voice activated recorder) in her car etc. there is a wealth of information on the operation investigate part of the forum.

Get as much evidence of this affair as you can and keep a VAR in your pocket should your WW decides to play the abused wife card to get more legal strength behind her.

When you have gathered some more information which should take no longer than a week then expose her to everyone, her parent your parent and all your friends and family, you are exposing her to enlist their help to get her to brake up her affair and repair the marriage. When you do this also expose the OM behaviour to all his friends and family, the best way to do this is via facebookm here is a link to the exposure method

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566583#Post2566583

The other thing that you will need to do is plan A. This is where you meet her emotional needs and show her that you are the right choice for her.

I don't have a link for plan A but some of it is covered in the link I posted above.

If you could also direct the Other mans wife to this site so we can help her too that would be great.

Sorry you are here, my friend. Please go read the link in my signature and come back and lets talk. A strategic, well planned exposure will give you your best chance. I would also get a GPS on her car ASAP.

my wife has been "friends" with a man at her work for over a year now. our relationship has been brutal as the days go by, we fight more than we ever. i caught them last year talking and texting and i asked her to lose contact with him.

So, as I read your story, you let your wife for a year dangle her bait in the potential-affair-partner pool, and now that it appears she's hooked one, you want to take action to stop it. But all you can think to do is cry? Ohhhh, brother.......

Start here: You and OMW get together tomorrow and compose a joint exposure letter to go out to most of the known world. (You can get the basics for the letter from the URL Melody gave you, assuming you can read it through your tears.) By "most of the known world" I mean WW's family, friends and acquaintances, your family, POSOM's family, friends and acquaintances, every contact on their Facebook pages, etc.

Where is your son?

The advice you're going to get here is going to be pretty universal and uniform.

You must end the affair, which will involve upsetting your WW. That means you have to expose her affair. The talk with OMW is a good start. Now you must expose to your family and hers and your friends.

Bring the affair into the light.

Do not move away from your son, under any circumstances.

Please read the links and articles I'm about to post to you.

Exposure 101

Are Friend's a Threat to your Marriage

Put a GPS on her carGPS Units
Put a VAR in her car. Recording Equipment

So does the BW of the OM want to save her marriage? Send his BW here also so we can help her.

With both of you putting pressure on both ends there is a very good chance of killing this affair.

Also listen to this radio clip on Dr. Harley talking about the danger of opposite sex friendships (especially at work).

Radio clip on the dangers of opposite sex friendships

my son is still with us in the house.

no. the other mans wife is wanting a divorce. they are seperating at the end of this month. his wife has known about the affair for a year now. AND, this is not his first affair.

In the sixteen hours since Mel and I posted about exposure, what have you DONE???

Called the OM's soon-to-be-divorced wife and asked for her help? Family contacts? Names of other APs of the OM?

Copied OM's facebook friends' e-mail addresses into a text file?

Composed an exposure letter?

ANYTHING???????

I take exception to your screen name, my friend. In terms of time frames, you dont know from 'forever'.

Now, pull yourself together and get to work on this thing.

Agreed. Stop the self pity and DO something. Blow this philandering POS out of the water by exposing the affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy. Thats the fantasy of it. Your job is to turn the lights on and watch the roaches scurry and scramble. Your only real hope of recovery is to expose this bs for what it is. Do as I say not as I do bc if you dont expose in a timely fashion you'll be well on the way to D like me (and I have 5 kids).

Why is he not moving out until the end of the month? Do they have children?

Exposure is your tool, cheatedon. And one of your critical exposure targets may well be their employer. Is he in a position of authority over her in their job?

I would suggest a VAR in her car, as well as a GPS.

If she starts flapping her jaws about how she's going to leave, make sure she's clear that, although you can't keep her from leaving if she wishes, she will not be taking your son with her.

While she is still in the house and pouting prettily upstairs, stop with the crying and get to work. I know how upset you are, but you need to reign in your emotions and get to work pronto if you're going to blow up this affair.

Did you read this on exposure?

Have you put a GPS and/or VAR in her car?