Jry, having read your thread there a few mistakes common to non MBers.
1) The idea that sex equals infidelity. Not at all, if her friend is not a PA, Physical Affair he could still be an EA Emotional affair. Giving her love to someone else is just as cancerous to the marriage as giving her body. EA always leads to PA also.
2)Your idea that you 'have to trust her word' with no proof. It would be sheer folly to take the word of a proven liar.(Read this
Never Take the Word of a Wayward [/quote] ) Dr H says to always Trust but Verify even if your spouse is usually truthful as people always make mistakes. You should be reading the Operation Investigate forum and learning how to snoop. learn how to verify everything and ask her to verify what she says.
3)You underestimate the addiction of an affair. Contact with OMS will keep her perpetually triggered and this is what she wants. She wants news of OM. She wants to hear about him. That is unacceptable.
4) Secrecy will pull your relationship under. Exposure to everyone will bring you much needed support to rebuild the marriage. Mould doesn't grow well in sunlight.
5) Have you read how an affair should end? Its crazy that you havent sent NC (No contact letters) that is a bare minimum requirement. Get her on board with the MB program in full, the online course or counselling with the Harleys.
Whose idea was it to separate? Im guessing your wife was in a PA /EA and wanted you out of the way....
