Welcome to Marriage Builders, Davey. I've just read your whole thread and I'm confused on a few points, so I'll put them all on this post.
Why are you in counseling? What is your goal by doing that? Who suggested the counseling?
You are calling this an emotional affair, yet you talk about OM's 'parts' being in the wrong place, so I'll assume you mean a physical affair. And, of course, you're right - it is a physical affair.
Yep he knew and I admit the joy I felt once I walked into work and found him almost wet with fear that I was going to rip personal parts off for not being honourable. And he is now recovering from being called a coward infront of so many others.
I know that thinking this may make you feel better, but I don't know that it's necessarily true. Consider: You confronted him, stomped your foot about his behavior with your wife, and then continued to work for him. Why would you do this? Oh, wait, I forgot:
My job is what keeps us living the way we want she wants to work part time to be with the kids more so I have busted my boys to give that to her and feel guilt because I know I'm failing in other areas because of it.
So, this is how you want to live? With your wife boinking your boss? Really? Do you see how skewed this logic is? Davey, you need to get out of that job. It is unimaginably cruel for you to have to work every day for an employer who has betrayed his employer/employee relationship with you. It is stunning to me that you would meekly punch in at work each day to add to the profits of a man who would so callously contribute to damaging your marriage and then brag about it to you.
I want to forgive and I'm trying I want to move forward yet I feel like I'm giving too much and yet I don't want indebtedness as thats not fair either.
What is your WW (wayward wife) saying about all of this? Is she remorseful for what she has done? What is she doing to help you heal from this? It is admirable that you want to forgive, but your WW needs to earn that forgiveness. And I think you need to understand that you deserve just compensation for her actions, not 'indebtedness'.
Working on fixing myself first.
Working to make yourself a better person is a noble goal, but you've got the cart before the horse and you're concentrating on the wrong thing. You've got to end this contact with this OM before you can begin healing and address the things in yourself that need to be strengthened.
Do you understand that your WW is triggered by thoughts of OM every time you get in the car to go to work for him? That's not a positive thing, Davey.
I understand the STD screening and I definitely think you should perform a DNA test on both of your daughters to confirm that you are their father, but I'm confused about why you're getting an ultrasound and x-rays?
How do you know that they are no longer in contact? How did you find out about the affair in the first place?
Last thing for now: have you read the articles on this site? I would suggest you start
here. You need to understand the nature of the beast that you're dealing with so you can truly kill it.