I've been married for 21 years, since I was 19. I'm now 41 and he's 44. I found out after we were married he cheated with his ex who he had a son with. She got pregnant and had a daughter by him. We have 4 kids. When we were married 2 years. I found out the had a one night stand. Found piece of condom wrapper in my car. 2 weeks away from giving birth to our second daughter. We worked it out. Swore he'd never do it again. A year later found out he had a six month affair with that one night stand. He got her pregnant and she has a daughter. He swore he messed up and swore to God he'd never do it again. He gave up his rights to that child in 2000 at the moms request. She didn't want him around because it was an affair and she remarried and her new husband wanted to adopt her. We had quite a few years with no cheating. I thought we had over came it. The.ast year has been a year from hell. To make it short. He went out of the country for 3 months to visit his dying father. I went to visit for 13 days. He came back home 3 weeks later. He confessed that after I left he had an affair with his half sister over there that he met for the first time after I left. She didn't like me when I was there and I could tell she liked him. I even told him that if she wasn't his sister she would be all over him. Never thinking he'd comig incest. Then he admitted to having sex with prostitutes. He even got arrested for it and I didn't know. He didn't serve any time because he had. I record. He wanted a divorce and was leaving me for his sister. Our kids were devastated and heartbroken. They wanted nothing to do with him if he was going to be with her. I filed for divorcee right away. Not too long before court he started texting me and started to want to get back together. Regretting what he did and remorseful. I'm having a hard time. I've been trying to work things out but I can't get over what he's done. Infant stand to be intimate. I feel like I dot value or respect myself at all. Can this marriage even work out? So much has been done I don't know if it can be saved or if I really deep down want it to. I'm scared of being alone. To do everything on my own. I feel overwhelmed. Any advice inwould appreciate it. I feel so alone.

I would drop him like a hot rock. Your husband is a serial cheater.

Read here: When to Call it Quits

I know. That is what's scary. Thank God I've tested clean for everything.

I would go into Plan B while you file for D. If he was to get into a program for Sexual addiction and you see progress maybe you would remarry. Dr. Harley says with addictions you need to separate.

Please prepare for Plan B.
How To Plan B properly
Plan B letter samples

Also these.
IM training school
Parallel Parenting

Run

away

NOW!

LG

I know its probably best you end it. But I have a question for those you have overcome the affair. How do you get over it or deal with it? How can you fall back in love with someone who has hurt you so much. I keep picturing them together. When we are intimate I cry afterwards because I can see him doing what he does to me to her. I get no sexual satisfaction at all. I try to shut down as its happening and can't wait for it to be done

Dr. Harley has a way IF it's followed.

Your WH would have to get help and stop his IB and second secret lives, complete transparency, work POJA and live by PORH.
Exposure 101

Read this. How To Survive Infidelity

He is an open book. He tell me where he is all the time. To be honest he has been treating me amazing. If he would have treated me like this from the begining things would be great. I just can't grt what he did out of my head. So many times he's cheated. I know he's sorry for what he did but prostitutes? Your half sister? Really? It makes me sick to think of it. I just can't seem to grt over it and it's been a year since everything came out. To me he has always been selfish. Putting his own needs first not matter who it hurt. I raised 4 amazing kids. I went back to college and got my RN to help us out financially because he has no education.

Frenchie, has his adulterous behavior been exposed? Both sets of parents need to know, as well as your kids.

My kids know. His family know and do does mine. His dads know but it's because he's dyIng of cancer. They're afraid it will kill him even faster. It's his daughter.

Not all his friends know and the ones who do only know he cheated and don't know the details of who. I wish they did

Isn't incest illegal where your from?

One thing I've heard Dr. Harley say about abusive men is that the men he sees make the most progress is the men who have to do some jail time because of their abuse. If people do not have consequences from their wrong how will they learn?

What consequence has he had to deal with?

It sounds like you're financially able to go into Plan B? Are you going to?

It's illegal in the US. This happend in Nicaragua. It's illegal there but no one know about it there but a few I'm told. Dont know for sure. I don't feel he's had any consequences but movIng out of the house for a while. Maybe a little embarrassment but that's about it

I'm thinking about plan B. I'm scared to be alone. Never been alone. I have four kids (14,16,19 and 20) who've been through hell because of what he's done.

He's a sex addict, clearly. Especially if you are providing financially, you would be okay without him. I got married when I was 19 too, it's been 22 years. I'm in Plan B and D. You can do it. You need to get away from him and let him crash and burn. Your kids need to get away from him.

If he gets help for his addiction - seriously does something to get into recovery, and becomes willing to work on the marriage as well, you can think about things then.

You've always been alone, sweetie. Believe me, I know. Sad and awful, but true.

Being alone without that lead weight dragging you down too will start to feel better once you get used to it, and begin to believe that you deserve better. Best thing I've done for my children in a long time. Your kids will be relieved too.

Agree. You will also be setting an example for your help when you show them you will no longer take his abuse. You have sons. Do you want them thinking it's ok to do this to women? Or your daughters that it's to have the bar set so low for them.

We will help you through this.

Also email Dr. Harley Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com.

Please prepare for plan B and protect you and your kids. He needs help.

I know I have to. I've tips WH that I feel that I'm a bad example for our 3 daughters. I've told my daughters that. I told them I don't want them to feel that's how they are to be treated. They say they know but it's ok. I know it's because it's their dad and they want us together no matter what. When we did separate he was such an a$$. He would put the kids in the middle. I did file for divorce in July 2011. I had it postponed and in April 2012 he talked me into canceling it which I shouldnt. I'm in the process of restoring it to docket right now. He is aware of it. I'm just waiting for court date. He has also financially screwed me. He took insurance money that I got to fix our front port from thr bad winter snow we had and used it to go to Nicaragua. Promissed he would repay it when he got back. He had gotten fired from his job and was taking out his 401k money. Bad mistake I told him but he still wanted to do it. He said he would fix porch and barn roof that has a huge hole in it. He spent all the money. He spent alot of it on his half sister he had the affair with. He would send her money in Nicaragua. He bought her an iPhone for 400$ and sent it to her. He never knew what a pandora bracelet was till me and my daughter. That's something specially we do for us and he goes and buys her one half way full. I was so pissed and hurt. His cell phone bill to Nicaragua was between 1200-1400 a month just calling her everyday. He only wanted to pay my 200 a week for 4 kids and he was spending money like that foolishly. The only thing he did for the kids was buy my older 2 mattress that they really needed. He would take them to breakfast or to the movies on the weekend. He said he used that money on them too but he was working a full time job so I don't see it that way. My porch still remains unfixed and my barn roof still has a hole. Now I have the town after me to fix it and fining me because I haven't gotten it fixed. I can't afford it. I make good money but when I have to pay mortgage and car payment on my own it's hard. While he is still here I'm taking advantage of it by paying all the bills we are late on and making sure when he does leave I'm caught up on everything.

When we went to mediation in court I was getting screwed royally I belt. By their guidelines I was getting only 137$ a week from him which is nothing. That's for 2 kids. That is crazy. I have 4 at home. The older 2 are in college and still need to be supported. I'm an RN but I've only been working for almost 2 years. I just graduated myself in 2010. I got my degree to prepare myself because I knew one day I'd end up alone and having to support 4 kids.

Sounds like you are getting things in order, thinking clearly, and preparing yourself. Way to go:)