Your 'true inventions' are of no use to you, or your wife.

Oops!
I sent an apology to the Mods for posting inappropriate links to TRT.
Links that were NOT MB material!
Just want to say I apologize to whoever notified the Mods about my inappropriate behavior!
Yes! I was wrong!
I am truly sorry...
And, I want to thank you, too, for keeping me in line!!!
Blessings ~

You're exactly right. The choice is mine. And if I so choose to update, or reach out for constructive criticism and/or help, I will. As of right now, the posters who find it helpful to slander me have dissuaded me from posting anything.

You, Brain, Marcos, GloveOil, and a few other have offered me advice that is invaluable. And I appreciate it. I feel I can learn from your comments. Not those of the people whose vitriolic nature prevents them from acting human.


I don't see the harm in seeking my wife's approval and to want to look good for her. I intend to live by the rules we set out, and to be the best man I can possibly be for her. You're right that I've lead a life of selfishness and ignorance. I've been abusive and hurtful, and it is my goal, my OBLIGATION to stop if I may show AI that I really do love her and want to be with her. I want my wife to heal from the pain that I've inflicted. And I intend to help her do just that.


I do hear myself. And I've read what Harvey has to say in Surviving an Affair, as well as Love Busters. In his radio clips, the clips that BrainHurts has generously provided, Harvey frequently says that it is the Betrayed Spouse's right to refuse my attempts to help them heal. My statement reflects the fact that I acknowledge and respect that right, given the circumstances that that I have willingly put us in.


Yes. Her expectations. I want to be a better man for her. Nobody else. Being a better man for myself comes next. And being a better man for anybody else comes... never.


You've not been married to this woman. She's amazing and warm, beautiful, sexy, thoughtful, and pure. And I violated that. I have to believe that I deserve this, make good with my actions, and work towards actually deserving it. I love AI. I have violated her and her heart. I intend to fix that.


I do appreciate it. I'm just not going to roll over when someone decides to throw jabs instead of actually trying to help. **edit**

We're all here because we've done wrong in some way. I can learn from your mistakes, because you attempted recovery before I did. I can learn from your successes because your example shows that it's possible and that it may work. I can't learn from your hatred and insults. Nobody can. **edit**

And seriously? A bible verse? I understand your need for faith, but with all due respect, such beliefs are things I don't hold stock in. I'm not going to be swayed or argue the virtues of faith with you or anyone. And besides:


And the idea that some people would so easily condemn me for my actions without the slightest indication of admitting that affairs can happen to anyone, that they could be the adulterer, or that i even remotely condone the actions that I have done that have hurt my wife, I offer the following story:


in response, I'm calling my sin and sin. I am a sinner. If I commit adultery or abuse upon my wife at any point in the future, it is still a sin.

But I intend to go forth and "sin no more".

If y'all want to have a hand in that, awesome. If you'd like to just cast stones, well... this whore is gonna throw them back.

I did AI very wrong. I intend to right that wrong. I've agreed to her request that I continue to post, at least weekly, on this thread. I will honor that request. Regardless of the pitiful example that some posters would like to pass off as advice or help. You and several other are not included in that statement.

Thank you. I really do look forward to your advice.

*like*

**edit**

On to other things...

As for an update on my actions today, I woke up with the kids and took them downstairs for breakfast, letting AI sleep in. I also brought her breakfast in bed, all as per her request. My intentions for today... my plans... include reading, and possibly finishing, Love Busters, and going through more of this thread for the links and bits of advice that may help me in my journey to save my marriage, and my journey of self discovery.

I intend to show AI that I have what it takes to be a better man.

Happy Father's day, folks.

Believe it or not, that actually means a lot to me. Thank you, Pepperband.

Proverbs 11:29 is very wise. It conveys a lot of meaning in very few words.
That verse was close to my heart this morning because my husband spoke about Proverbs11:29 earlier this week. I just had a second major surgery in 3 months, and my beloved is taking care of me. He has my love bank so full, I may bust! I don't know what his intentions are, but his behaviors have shown me he has my back. He is my soft (safe) place to fall.


I don't argue about faith. I do occasionally post a verse if it is meaningful TO ME. I would never quote scripture unless I thought it was useful, and true. You however, say you do not value scripture, yet you quoted scripture. That's OK.

I sincerely apologize for attacking your use of a bible passage on this thread. I misunderstood your intention.

I hope that you recover quickly and very well from your recent surgery.

This won't work to your benefit.
You will look ridiculous.
You will convince yourself that you have the right to throw stones.
Keep your side of the equation clean.
You will never regret doing that.
Respond to hurtful comments in a reasoned, calm, respectful way.
Or, ignore them!
It's good practice for you.
You cannot allow yourself to be quick to anger.
It's a bad habit you must break.
Your wife has felt your mean anger too many times. Please, do not give yourself permission to be mean under any circumstances.

Let's face it, you're not in the position to wag fingers at anyone, puffing up with imaginary righteous anger.

Practice walking away peacefully. It will benefit your marriage.

And, notify the mods if you think something has crossed the line.

Tell me what you thought my intention was. Then, tell me how you can know my intention without asking me.

I bet you've done this with your wife.
Assumed incorrectly she had some "bad" intention or motive.

Asking questions in a non sarcastic way will give you traction in most situations where you *think* bad intentions are afoot.

In the immortal and ever insightful words of Cameo:

Word up!

Great advice. You're completely right. Thank you.

I thought your intention was to push your belief on me. I assume I am wrong, and apologize for such an ignorant Disrespectful Judgement and Angry Outburst.


You're absolutely correct. I have done this with my wife. I would expect that this falls under AO's and DJ's, with SD's coming into play when she tries to justify herself against my incorrect and illogical argument, and I demand that she apologizes to me, instead of the other way around.

In fact, I did it last night a few times. This is a behaviour that I need to overcome and destroy.


Duly noted.

Unclench.
We are not at war with you.
We may be hard on you, but you're not the first WH to begin recovery with big fat juicy lies.

One of the classics was "Greenmile". Good name, you agree?

LINK to GM's first post of lies

GM is very intelligent. A recently retired prominent physician. Just read his first post, not the entire thread. GM came to MB and lied his butt off to us. He had to, because his wife was also on MB and he was lying to her. When the truth came out .... (like pulling teeth through the wrong end) .... GM had a for real nervous breakdown and ended up in the psych hospital. (this is why that thread was locked by the mods) His wife had just discovered GM had more than 2 decades of infidelity with many, many women .... and then she was STUCK taking care of his sorry self because he became suicidal.

So you see, you are not the first cowboy to lie to this crowd. To lie in order to "save his marriage".

I (we) are not shocked by you.
But, we're on to you.
And, we really do want the best for you.

Soooooooooooooo UNclench. Put down those boxing gloves.
Be slow to anger.
Be sure your fuse is super long.
OK?

Ok.

Unclenched.

But still apologetic in regards to the attack on your intentions with the bible quote.

Gonna go read Love Busters now.

Link

This was a pretty incredible post. Thank you.

The link is broken.

Apology accepted.
I'm feeling pretty mellow.
Probably the pain medication

This. Bolded and underlined. What are you talking about!? After 30 something pages you just don't get that you are in no position to demand anything. You are obligated to give full truth about your past indiscretions, full timeline and details. This should be your No 1 concern - to stop the trickle truth and disclose facts about all your affairs.

As a former WS myself, there is one thing that sticks out as a sad sign of your insincerety - I just don't believe anything you say - making amends must take most of your time and not leave you much time for bragging here ... But here's what you are doing ... most of the time. You're like a pupil who's after praises only. This stinks high heaven. I know your intentions, mister. But your "face" is already gone, if that's what you are trying to keep.