Wexwill, I was reading a post you made and I want to know how you deal with knowing your w is seeing the ow man and her still denying it. I broke and gave in to temptaions during the same time he said he had his emotional affair. I told him I was sorry and told him what he wanted to know which was very little. But he has never fully admitted his affair, he is still in denial. No matter how much evidence I seem to find showing their contact between each other, he still denies it. What do you do?

Faith - Unfortunately, there really doesn't seem to be much that you CAN do about it. I'm interested in your story though. Do you think you confessed your affair to set an example, hoping your H would do the same. Also, it sounds like he has confessed to something, even if it's just an "emotional affair." And what specifically is your evidence that it IS more than that?<P>I have a lot of evidence too, including seeing my W with her OM in his car. And she still even denies that this could have happened! In fact, I've kept insisting to her and in our couples counseling sessions that I did see her and she STILL denies it! Unbelievable. But what this tells me is what it's going to take. What it's going to take is actually catching her with him and confronting the two of them, I think. Then she won't be able to deny. I guess that's my answer. Find something that your H won't be able to deny, which is hard.<P>If you can afford it, hire a private detective. And make arrangements with this P.I. to call you when your H and the OW are together and tell you where they are. Then go there while the P.I. is still there, so if things get out of hand you'll have some help. And then confront your H and the OW while they're together, if possible in a compromising situation such as a motel room. If you (like me) can't afford a P.I., then do the detective work yourself, with the same idea of catching them together. It's all I know to suggest. Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Wex, Thanks for replying. I think I was compelled to tell him of my affair because of the guilt I had. I felt that I had to come clean with him if I expected him to come clean with me. I was willing to risk everything at that moment to know the truth from him. And I still don't know if I have it. About a 2 months before I confessed to him, he came to me and told me he had done something that he was ashamed of. We talked that night and we cried together, we prayed together and all he was willing to say is that he had gotten too close to this woman. And that he almost did something that he knew he would regret. He said that the reason he was telling me was that he didn't want somenone else(her h)to say something to me. Her h was giving her a hard time and was getting ready to confront me. There relationship was supposed to have been over for about a year. I had talked to ow on 2 occasions. Both times finding out my h had not told me everything, he had lied. Her h called me at home and told me things,and my h denied them. I pulled his cell phone records and for not ever calling her or paging her it seems strange that her cell and pager number was on his bill over 75 times in 2 months. And that was even after he said he didn't know her pager number and had never called or paged her. Once again another lie. Well it's a year later and there are still messages that come in on his pager, he shares a common pager number with 4 other guys he works with so the messages could be for any of them, so I cant nail him down on that one. But I found a coded " I love you" message with his truck number on it once. At the time I didn't know his number had been changed but when I asked him he said it must be someones initals. Then a month later I find out that it was his number and it had been her. It has been over a year since he told me about her, and as late as this past Sun. I have found her pager number in the memory of his phone. He is still denying that he knew it was hers... He was just calling back a number that showed up on his pager... I told him I would rather know than be lied to. And he still acts like there is nothing between them. I don't know what to believe. I'm sorry this was so long, but I thought I would give you a little more background. Your situation sound worse than mine even. I don't know how you do it. I know were not supposed to be doing LoveBusters right now and I know my doubts and confrontations are doing that, but how do you let it go and wait... Thanks for your ear. I appreaciate all the advice i can get.<BR>