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And, don't fire into the air.
Wait until you know your aim is true.
Then, overcome the enemy.

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Looks like I popped in at a good time. Now I'll have to check back soon to see how things are going. I'm so proud of you and impressed by your commitment to follow this through and take care of yourself.

You are just awesome!!!!!!!!!


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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What ever happened with Chailover meeting with her WH? They were supposed to meet and talk about reconciliation? We just never heard back and I was hoping you might have an update.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by Holyheart
Here's an update:
I finally got to tell my story at trial. Not like I wanted to - chronologically -- through incident after incident -- but through my answers to questions as I took the stand.

It's unreal to think that my H of 26 years is now questioning ME about how I spent certain accounts. Since he's his own attorney, I had to respond. But I took a page out of SchoolBus' tools. I turned my chair and talked directly to the judge whenever D!ck posed a question. "Your Honor -- I spent that money on paying the deposit for the dorm for DS", etc. I didn't give WH the power by directing my body language or my replies to him.

It took about 3 hours. My attorney wasn't great, but he did what he was suppose to do. Twice -- D!ck said out loud "I supported two families."

Enough said. He admitted to giving Bimbo money to "pay her bills." He admitted to them charging her business supplies to our credit card. He admitted to taking her on lots of trips out of town on his -- OUR -- dime.

The judge will now review settlement options and render a decision.

I had family and FIL in court supporting me. D!ck had no one. Bimbo was a no show. Don't know why but my attorney says she wasn't needed. We had enough to demonstrate that communal funds were spent on her.

And I found out this week that Bimbo is in trouble again. DUI. And D!ck helped her out with talking a buddy into defending her and getting her charges reduced. And buddy -- tells my attorney that Bimbo has stiffed him on his fee.

Typical. D!ck and Bimbo continue to use people then think it's OK to not pay the piper.

And the gall of D!ck. He sends me a text message calling my family greedy. That money won't buy happiness and health. The nerve of that man! When it's all said and done, I will change my number.

So D!ck continues to blame everyone but himself for the damage he's done. I pray the judge sides 100% with me. It's time D!ck pays for his crimes. He has left me in such a financial mess.

Thank goodness I did some things over the course of this that may be my saving grace. Especially the "pre-separation" time period. I had credit card statements and highlighted all "non-communal" charges. I had a copy of a cashier's check receipt from D!ck to Bimbo (found in D!ck's wallet). I had D!ck sign a paper saying that he would pay for household, kids, my expenses when he left (and he was still friendly). I had D!ck alone sign a financial agreement with the school to lock him in as the responsible paying parent. All the above was submitted into evidence.

This should be over soon. Finally.

way to go HH! you are a strong and amazing person! well done, HH, well done. hurray

and hug


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
Letting Go
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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
What ever happened with Chailover meeting with her WH? They were supposed to meet and talk about reconciliation? We just never heard back and I was hoping you might have an update.

I might, but need permission. wink


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
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I hope you/she can update. I'm rooting for a good outcome.

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You are too funny...hmmmmmmm


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Originally Posted by hope3343
You are too funny...hmmmmmmm

wink


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
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Here's an update. I'm still waiting for the judge to rule but that hasn't stopped me from living.

This has been a busy summer for my family. Each of the kids had summer jobs to help with their college expenses. It's been fun having them and their friends around since come September I will officially be an empty nester. We did our usual vacation to the beach but with reduced days then when D!ck was around. That's OK.

When people say some "good" will come out of this -- they are right. Having one income and limited support qualified us for financial aid for college. Aid plus student loans plus summer jobs will get us through another year. And that is my goal -- one year at a time -- to get the kids through college. Just like the past 5 years. My number one goal was to get the kids through the private, catholic high school both WH and I attended. I did that...and the kids excelled with flying colors in academics and sports with each graduating with honors and scholarships.

And me? I'm back at my old job. And since I had left my retirement alone when I left 10 years ago, I was able to get back in at the higher benefit tier. And my salary is higher than when I left, so the retirement benefit will be higher when I retire. And I'll hit retirement age this month -- so I have a back up plan should I need it. But I'm not retiring yet. I'm on the "five year" plan for that, too.

I'm anxious for the judge to rule so I can get my finances in order. If I keep the house, I need to refinance and my real estate friend has advised me to get that done soon -- before the election -- since he's speculating that interest rates will rise.
As for the other debt -- the extensive lines of credit that are in both our names -- we asked the judge that those all go in D!ck's name to off set the funds he took off the home equity line to -- in his own words -- "support another family." So I'm in limbo until the judge rules.

The judge -- I hate that all this lies in his hands, but we had no other options. We tried to work out a deal with D!ck multiple times but he's a bully and a gambler. I'm sure he felt it better to go this route since there were so many factors in our case... and my attorney was pretty incompetent...that he'd do better this route than to admit his financial infidelities. So I continue to pray that the judge rules in my favor. That he has the clarity to see the truth in my side and FACTS, and that it all works out in the end. This is when faith is so important.

I hate getting calls from the creditors. And thankfully, with my in-laws help and my reserves, I have been able to handle every financial obligation that has come my way in the past 4 years. The affair started 5 years ago which seems unbelievable. And we've been in this legal wrangle for 4 years. Time to get this resolved.

I hear a little here and there about D!ck. He had dinner with the girls recently and said he lives in 3 different places depending on where he ends up at night. Really? Not my idea of a home when I'm 50 years old. He has still had no contact with DS. Sad for DS who hasn't had a father in 4 years. It's not our kids fault that their dad left his responsibilities as a parent. The girls are more accepting of D!ck the way he is, but DS isn't. And D!ck hasn't reached out to him. Hasn't apologized. D!ck and his pride. When D!ck ran away, he really did run away from it all.

And are D!ck and Bimbo still together? No idea. But I know Bimbo got a DUI and D!ck helped her out. He's still Mr. Money Bags to her and he always will be until she finds another sucker. That's her MO. I still hate the fact that she broke up my family -- but if it wasn't her, it might have been another opportunist. "She" isn't who mattered, it was "D!ck" and he continues to not take responsibility for his actions.

Time allows me to see the flaws in D!ck's character. He might have been the right choice for the first half of my life, but definitely not the second half of my life. A hard lesson to learn and accept. I know for a fact that I will never chase him or any man again. If you don't want me, then go...have at it...get lost. I'll be good without you. Today, my heart and mind are in sync.

Life goes on for the Holyheart family. We're all good!!


M 25 yrs, 3 teens
Dday 12/07
5ish False Recoveries (all in 2008)
12/08 WH moves in w/OW, her kids
Plan B/D/FU -- depending on the day
He files 1/09; D final 12/2012
"I'm moving on"
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Nice to see you pop in, HH. smile Is there a tentative date for a ruling? I hope all goes well for you.

Originally Posted by Holyheart
I know for a fact that I will never chase him or any man again. If you don't want me, then go...have at it...get lost. I'll be good without you. Today, my heart and mind are in sync.

Life goes on for the Holyheart family. We're all good!!

^^^^ Triple LIKE!!! hurray

More good living will come!!


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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My how you've grown !

Keep the updates coming.
Thanks.

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FINALLY -- The tentative ruling came in this week. If no one contests, it becomes final in 10 days then the judgement in 30 days.

YIPEEEEEEEEE.....

My digging and tracking and homework paid off. The judge believed me and my supporting documentation that D!ck used marital funds to support Bimbo, her household, her business, etc. while we were still married (pre-separation). [OK, it also helped that he admitted TWICE during the trial that he supported another family.] As a result, D!ck has to pay back those funds as part of an equalizing payment to me.

The judge accepted the split of assets we had agreed to before the trial. And retirements and 401Ks will be split. And D!ck has to pay spousal support. The SS was less that what we asked for but with the equalizing payment, I should be able to make ends meet.

Interesting is how the judge remarked that D!ck's conduct clearly falls "below the prescribed fiduciary standards for the control and management of community assets" and that I could have gone after him for "certain statutory penalites." It's comforting to know that I was right -- that what he did was so, so wrong -- but I'm not going to keep pushing the envelope. I'm going to stick with the verdict and move ahead.

As is often the case, I won but don't consider myself a winner. I'm a survivor. The judgement will repay only a portion of the money D!ck took. I know that I'm way, WAY better off financially than lots of women out there who have had to go through a similar ordeal. For that, I am grateful.

I'm fortunate to continue to have the unwavering support of my family -- especially D!ck's parents -- friends, coworkers, etc. It's been a learning experience that has forever changed my life and influences me daily in all I do. I take nothing for granted and owe all to God's master plan.

And I know that just because there is a verdict, it doesn't just end. I need to figure out how to refinance the house, and repair my credit, and keep the kids in college.

BIG THANKS to all those MB'ers who helped me along the way. Your advice and support kept me alive during my darkest days. It was indeed a mega, mega marathon with endless roller coasters along the way. But I got through it by being where I was suppose to be and doing what I was suppose to be doing with a "courageous heart and holy patience."




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Hurray and you and your kids!

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Thanks. Let me add that the verdict wasn't a slam dunk. I live in a no fault state so WH tried to convince me and everyone else that it matters not what he did or does -- that the assets and debts will be split down the middle. Of course, I didn't listen to him.

And I did my due diligence with the credit card receipts and the things I found during my snooping. That is my No. 1 advise for BSs. Snoop, snoop, snoop. And save what you find for when you need it.

My No. 2 is early on -- when the WS is still being nice and saying he'll pay for the house and the kids -- GET IT IN WRITING. I did -- and I got it submitted into evidence during the trial. So even though I charged some things that WH questioned and felt I should pay -- the judge ruled that D!chk had to pay since he had said he would via the handwritten note I kept.

I know Plan B says to not care what they are doing. OK -- I tried not to care...but that didn't stop me from finding out how he was paying for the trips he was taking with Bimbo and how he was helping her with her business and her bills.

SchoolBus told me early on that D!ck did not want me investigating his finances. And -- truly -- I believe there is more to the story than what I know. That he has way, way more skeltons hidden in closets all over the place.

Today, that is not my concern. I can't go there or this will never end. I need some closure.

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hug

Holyheart, you are a WARRIOR.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Warrior...ah, shucks. I was just watching out for my children. They were my No. 1 priority.

I did often refer to the "Art of War" quotes. My favorite was "never interrupt your enemy when they are making a mistake." And what mistakes D!ck made during his bankrupty hearings and the divorce trial.

He said stupid, stupid things like the "I supported two families" comment. I mean...really? Can you be that stupid?

And during the bankruptcy -- that he purchased a new car for his "fiance." Really? You still have a wife and you're trying to convince the trustee that you are entitled to financial relief but you admit that?

They say "love is blind." I guess cheating makes you blind and dumb.

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Originally Posted by Holyheart
They say "love is blind." I guess cheating makes you blind and dumb.
Originally Posted by Pepperband
1. Deception.
We talk about wayward "fog", which is verbal expression of the self deception that goes on in a wayward mind. Deception which allows a so called "normal" person to commit adultery. "The enemy" is the ultimate liar. What deception does is this, deception makes swallowing a deadly poison seem like a desirable choice. This is the point in adultery where the waywards telling themselves lies might be shocked into reality by exposure. perhaps not, but it is possible. Truth & light are kryptonite to the deception. I am talking about the wayward losing his/her mind.

2. Hardening.
Now, about the wayward's heart. It hardens. The wayward heart becomes callous. The wayward heart becomes closed off and insensitive to the pain and devastation their adultery causes. The wayward can even accept the broken hearts of their own children if that pain supports their adultery. The wayward becomes impervious to empathy. Cry all you want, your tears have no meaning for the hardened heart of a lost wayward. Your tears, your pain only annoy the hardened wayward heart.


3. Destruction.
And finally, the wayward's soul. The sin of adultery destroys the wayward's soul. The spiritual essence of humanity is nowhere to be found in the wayward. Integrity has been cast off in order for the adultery to continue. The wayward does not go on his/her merry way unscathed. The wayward is the most wounded of all. The destruction of a once beautiful soul, now made ugly by sin, is heartbreaking.


There is a progression to this loss.
Humans are vulnerable to temptation.
Temptation feels good.
But, giving into the sin, and living in the sin is life changing.
Soul changing.

We can actually SEE it sometimes.
We can actually SEE the cold eyes of the hardened heart.
We can actually SEE the lifeless eyes of the soulless.

Your D-head XWH has joined the soulless, lifeless, joyless, black hearted scum of the earth.

You, my dear, have been a beacon of light that continues to shine your hope and goodness. The chains are about to be gone. Rejoice in your new release & freedom from his evil influence.

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hurray

Very happy for you HH!!!


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by Pepperband
Originally Posted by Holyheart
They say "love is blind." I guess cheating makes you blind and dumb.
Originally Posted by Pepperband
1. Deception.
We talk about wayward "fog", which is verbal expression of the self deception that goes on in a wayward mind. Deception which allows a so called "normal" person to commit adultery. "The enemy" is the ultimate liar. What deception does is this, deception makes swallowing a deadly poison seem like a desirable choice. This is the point in adultery where the waywards telling themselves lies might be shocked into reality by exposure. perhaps not, but it is possible. Truth & light are kryptonite to the deception. I am talking about the wayward losing his/her mind.

2. Hardening.
Now, about the wayward's heart. It hardens. The wayward heart becomes callous. The wayward heart becomes closed off and insensitive to the pain and devastation their adultery causes. The wayward can even accept the broken hearts of their own children if that pain supports their adultery. The wayward becomes impervious to empathy. Cry all you want, your tears have no meaning for the hardened heart of a lost wayward. Your tears, your pain only annoy the hardened wayward heart.


3. Destruction.
And finally, the wayward's soul. The sin of adultery destroys the wayward's soul. The spiritual essence of humanity is nowhere to be found in the wayward. Integrity has been cast off in order for the adultery to continue. The wayward does not go on his/her merry way unscathed. The wayward is the most wounded of all. The destruction of a once beautiful soul, now made ugly by sin, is heartbreaking.


There is a progression to this loss.
Humans are vulnerable to temptation.
Temptation feels good.
But, giving into the sin, and living in the sin is life changing.
Soul changing.

We can actually SEE it sometimes.
We can actually SEE the cold eyes of the hardened heart.
We can actually SEE the lifeless eyes of the soulless.

Your D-head XWH has joined the soulless, lifeless, joyless, black hearted scum of the earth.

You, my dear, have been a beacon of light that continues to shine your hope and goodness. The chains are about to be gone. Rejoice in your new release & freedom from his evil influence.

It's amazing how far waywards can fall from grace and how much embarrassment they can endure. A lifetime of regret awaits them all.



BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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This evil, soul-less, fool will not go down. In the 11th hour, he lawyered up AGAIN and filed objections to the judge's ruling. My attorney's office has yet to receive them so I do not know the extent of the objections.

If it's "I need more time to pay the lump sum" -- then OK. If it's "I failed to represent myself and want the whole trial redone" -- then CRAP.

The judge ruled. He had his day in court, as did I. We've been part of the judicial system for 3 years, 9 months. Again -- THE JUDGE RULED.

So as to not stress myself out, I will not dwell on it until I read the objections. I will continue to do what I'm suppose to be doing. And I will pray to the Holy Spirit that whatever D!ck has objected to can be easily remedied. Because I have to get this decided so I can get my finances in order. My mind and heart are in sync about D!ck. I am finished with him and our marriage. But his financial infidelity has been a doozy. I will be dealing with the consequences of that for a long, long time.

Oh -- I forgot -- part of the verdict was that he has to pay a portion of my attorney fees. I bet that was a bitter pill for him to swallow. Oh, well. It's time D!ck has to pay the piper.

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