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Thank you all for your support and concern. It means a lot to me.
I don't feel safe posting here right now. It's very clear that anything I say, and anything you all say to me, has the potential to be used against me by him.
I'm trying to get my head around some things and will try to post again later.
Peoperband: I've lost about 15lbs since this started. I started forcing myself to eat after the poly and it seems to have stabilized now.
I'm okay driving. I love driving. It makes me happy.
I don't feel like I'm in so much pain I just want to get off. I do often feel like I'm in so much pain it might just kill me...like my heart is just going to stop. I think that's an anxiety thing. OK. How about sleeping? How many hours a night do you currently average?
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I don't feel safe posting here right now. It's very clear that anything I say, and anything you all say to me, has the potential to be used against me by him. That is a very, very sad comment to me. I would much rather see TRT fall off the forums than you, because I would much rather find a way to help YOU than to continue listening to his bullcarky. I am sorry you feel threatened to even seek help from us. This is a very abusive situation you are in AI.
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Yes, it's very abusive. What he is doing is UNACCEPTABLE, and you should not be cut off from HELP because he is being a manipulative [edit].
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Thank you all for your support and concern. It means a lot to me.
I don't feel safe posting here right now. It's very clear that anything I say, and anything you all say to me, has the potential to be used against me by him.
I'm trying to get my head around some things and will try to post again later.
Peoperband: I've lost about 15lbs since this started. I started forcing myself to eat after the poly and it seems to have stabilized now.
I'm okay driving. I love driving. It makes me happy.
I don't feel like I'm in so much pain I just want to get off. I do often feel like I'm in so much pain it might just kill me...like my heart is just going to stop. I think that's an anxiety thing. OK. How about sleeping? How many hours a night do you currently average? I don't know. 3-5 probably. I have nightmares that wake me up, and my baby has been getting molars and waking me up a couple times a night as well, so it's all broken up and hard to track.
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May 22 was almost two months ago. Two months and look at him today, Al. Sad and telling. I hope you find your strength and momma bear soon and save yourself and your children from this trainwreck.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Your health is at risk, AI 
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Sweet mama, AI. Please envision all of us joining hands and circling around you and your sweet children. That is what I wish we could do right now to protect you from this pain.
If you are breastfeeding, know that there are AD's out there that are considered safe for breastfeeding. Zoloft is one of them. Those will help with the nightmares. You can take them and still nurse your baby through the night. I hope that helps with your decision. I am so worried about your health.
TinT--Trouble in Texas
Me: 40
Husband: 38
Married for 17 years
Together for 20 years
DD15
DS13
DS4
H's EA discovered 1/1/12
Caller on radioshow 5/8/12
Been in counseling with SHarley since 5/17/12
On the road to recover my marriage
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AI, please check your email.
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Thanks again so much to everybody here.
He has left. I'll probably be taking a break from posting here since it's not very safe for me right now.
You all mean a lot to me and I greatly appreciate all your help and advice over the last few months.
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AI its beyond sad that TRT's wayward behaviour has resulted in you not feeling safe posting in this forum. It is appalling that he uses your thread against you. Our thoughts are with you. Maybe you could consider taking a break and returning with a new thread and username.  Take care of yourself and your children.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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Thanks again so much to everybody here.
He has left. I'll probably be taking a break from posting here since it's not very safe for me right now.
You all mean a lot to me and I greatly appreciate all your help and advice over the last few months. AI
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Still thinking of you. I know you are in so much pain. Please stay strong for yourself. Keep what is important to YOU in mind. He has to want to change, otherwise, there is nothing you can do besides stand up for yourself and your family. Some people just aren't capable of getting out of their own fears and horrible coping skills, even if it means losing their family.
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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Thinking about you, AI. Positive thoughts and prayers for peace for you.
TinT--Trouble in Texas
Me: 40
Husband: 38
Married for 17 years
Together for 20 years
DD15
DS13
DS4
H's EA discovered 1/1/12
Caller on radioshow 5/8/12
Been in counseling with SHarley since 5/17/12
On the road to recover my marriage
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AI, you're in my thoughts. I hope you are finding freedom in your peace today, and enjoying the little moments. I know plan B has brought me a lot of peace, as the chaos slowly subsides. And the kids and I appreciate each other on a whole new level.
Me, BS: 35
WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess
6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage
Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011
"I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting
Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12
Divorce final 7/29/2013
Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children
Personal Recovery well underway!
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Good afternoon AI. I hope you are staying strong. The more I accept that I CAN'T MAKE my husband choose our marriage, our family, over his desires, the clearer things become. I even got to the point, at least choose our children. Love your children!!!! I am really just realizing the depth of how much he isn't capable of loving his children to do this to their family!!!! But, you know what else? He doesn't love himself either. They give in to these things, don't face it, don't own it, don't work on it, don't change it, b/c it is easier not to. You can't make him value himself either.
So, value YOU. Value your children, yours and their futures. Hitting rock bottom, you not holding him up, cleaning up his messes, holding it all together for him should wake up up a little, if not a lot. He is going to have to face some hurts to wake up from this selfish, prideful, fog!!!!
Positive hope and energy sent your way AI. Have a great day.
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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Thanks again so much to everybody here.
He has left. I'll probably be taking a break from posting here since it's not very safe for me right now.
You all mean a lot to me and I greatly appreciate all your help and advice over the last few months. AL. This is exactly what he wants... We will be here for you if you change your mind.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Hi AI, I hope your are still reading your thread, please keep checking so you can see you have the support of the MB family, you are not alone. Until you feel safe to post again, know you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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AI,
I'm hoping that until your husband really gets it that you and your children are able to get the protection you need. Let us know if we can do anything to help. Don't forget also that you can contact Dr. Harley directly, through his radio show.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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AI, still thinking of you, and hope all is well. A person as controlling as TRT can be dangerous and I hope you and the kids are safe.
Me, BS: 35
WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess
6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage
Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011
"I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting
Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12
Divorce final 7/29/2013
Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children
Personal Recovery well underway!
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Yes AI, you are in all of our prayers. Stay safe. Keep your head held HIGH. You did all that you could. You can't control someone else's actions, and TRT just wasn't ready to earn his F.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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