So I have written to all her family 20+ on facebook. Today I'm working on the letter to OW BH. Even though it did feel very good to make her uncomfortable finally I can't help but feel this is illegal somehow. I have 5 babies and I definitely don't want to end up in jail over this. Could this fall under harassment or defamation of character or something?

Also talked to WH about posting here. He said he will think about it and that he was scared to. You all scare him lol imagine that.

I have decided to revamp my EP list with more detail and time limits for things. Posting here will be included because if we can't afford counseling through here the least he can do to learn more and fix this is post here for suggestions and help. So be on the lookout for him.

I said if he doesn't start taking this serious he will have to find another place to stay and we will separate until he can become serious. He said he doesn't want that and will do whatever it takes. I've heard that before so we will see.

There is nothing illegal with stating the truth.

Good job you did the best thing for your 5 babies.

Tell him, we welcome him.

homefor5,
Dr Harley would not ask people to do anything that is illegal.
Nearly everyone here has exposed.
There is nothing illegal about telling the truth.
If it was illegal to tell the truth then Linda Tripp would be in federal prison for exposing President Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinski.

Letter is written of OW BH and mailed certified today. Also going to finish exposing to her family via facebook. I got blocked out yesterday even though I sent messages spaced out.

He was suspicious of what I was doing yesterday and so using
PORH I told him. He made a strange suggestion that I've never ran across here so I thought I would ask. He said maybe he should write the account of the affair out for the OW BH and send it to him. I thought that seemed weird so I told him I would see what you thought of the idea.

Does this seem like a good idea or would it make him rehash all the feelings involved with the affair again even though he states there were none?

Home,

That's a fantastic idea. Besides having the actual proof the OWBH will be able to put the pieces together.

Yes I think he should do it. Just make sure you read it and send it. This is a good sign of your WH coming clean.

If her husband is an active wayward, I would NOT ADVISE bringing him here right now. Not until he's committed to recovery. You're wrong about that. This is where she is seeking help for the active adulterous affair.

The affair happened over a year ago. She has no proof of a continued affair.

She has all spyware in place and is currently monitoring and has found nothing.

She has keylogger, spyware on phone, GPS all in place.

Home how much UA are you getting?

Also home. What conditions did you give if he broke one of the EPs?

We are striving for 15 hours even though I realize it takes 20. The issue I'm having is I have to put all the effort in to ensure it its spent doing the right thing. He never initiates reading or intimate conversation, or anything. I'm getting restless with how much effort I'm putting in vs him. From all I've read if he is serious he should be leading recovery. Not me. I've already told him I refuse to continue like this.

I'm unsure of what to do about broken EPs. In fact my initial list of EPs to me seem like a joke. I'm really trying to encourage him to post here if he is serious about fixing this because again I'm feeling very restless. He said he registered but we'll see.

Well you're correct that a WH should come on bended knee to prove his worth to reconciling.

Do you feel he has given you just compensation?

If you don't see any work on his end are you prepared to go into Plan B?

Did you hear back from the Harleys yet?

Yes I am. I've made him aware that his clock is ticking on getting into action here. I haven't heard anything from the Harleys yet.

So do you have a launch date set if he doesn't step up?

No I don't. I'm really trying to push him on the forum because he is trying hard but his efforts I feel are misguided. I don't know I could be dillusional. I'm still new to all this confrontation stuff.

So tell me what he has done.

What just compensation has he given you?

Well he did apparently end contact with the OW. It was by telephone so not according to the proper way to do it on this site. I have verified that there is no contact.

He took some personal counceling with our pastor. I realize now that was a distraction. It lasted about 3-4 months which completely delayed any marital growth.

We took the dynamic marriage class so he could better learn my emotional needs.

Getting him to read any material or take anything serious is where we're at now. He feels like his needs are being completely met (which they are) so our marriage is better. I've explained to him that I'm growing restless with meeting his needs without any effort on his end.

He has been trying to meet my needs but not trying hard enough. I receive a note every now and again and better communication at work.

Radical Honesty is still lacking I feel like. I feel like I'm just waiting to catch him in another lie. This really has been our problem our entire marriage. He lies about stupid small stuff. He doesn't understand that every lie brings back the resentment from every offense he has done.

POJA is going bad as well. He still has no regard for my feelings or how things would effect me. Example would be staring at other woman when I'm standing there. This has always annoyed me but I am extremely sensitive to it now. After stating this he turns around and does it the next day. Saying its like looking at a car. He admires how they look but as long as he isn't going to drive them??? What?!? Is that supposed to make me feel better.

I still really feel like he thinks that he was able to have an affair because his EN were not met. That makes me feel like I better meet his needs or else. I refuse to live that way. I didn't make him choose to have an affair. Thats like saying you make me lie or you make me lose my temper. I didn't make him choose to do that. Ridiculous.

That's what leads me here. How do I make him get serious? Or is this not my job? Where do I go from here? Like I said I can see he is trying but I just don't think he understands at this point the severity of this situation maybe because so much time has passed since the affair. Maybe because I have been trying my best to meet all his needs for all this time with not a lot of reciprocation.

Listen to this clip and tell us what you think.
Radio clip on trusting after an affair

I think if you can get your UA time meeting the top 4 EN will help.

How is that going? You were going to schedule it?

Not well we're finding it extremely hard with 5 kids. Also not utilizing the time we do have as much as we could. I'm almost at a point though where if he doesn't step it up I will just let it crash and burn. If I want time I have to schedule it.

I also received contact from the OW. She apparently wasn't happy I contacted her friends and family. She also asked me to stop sending things to her house. I'm not much for confrontation but I must say this step has felt nice. Not so much to make someone unhappy but to finally stand up for myself! When wh found out his jaw literally dropped. That was a nice feeling too.

Good job home. I know that was a huge thing for you. Do you think the OWH got the letter or do you think she intercepted it? At least her friends know now.

He is getting wonderful direction from some excellent posters. So let's see how is actions are.

Schedule that UA time.. make it fun.

Home, I know it's not easy with 5 children but if you can meet the UA time you will begin to see a difference. Hopefully you will be able to start counselling with the Harley's soon, from what I have learned on other threads, SH seems to be brilliant with guiding WH. It will be great to have that support in place.

Well done with your exposure, OW response indicates it was successful. It does feel good to be able to have a say and get the truth out there.

homefor5, are you aware that he is aware that you have spyware on his phone? That means, of course, that your spyware is rendered useless.