From most of the posts I've read it seems that mostly everyone going through this crisis has lost a considerable amount of weight. Well, I'm jealous!!!! Over the past year dealing with the aftermath of my H's infidelity, I've <B>gained</B> almost 25 lbs! I attribute this to the fact that I have always used food to comfort me. I eat when I'm sad and I eat when I'm depressed. The other thing is that in an effort to spend more quality time together, my H and I go out on "dates" a lot, mostly out to eat. We both love to eat, but of course like most men he doesn't put on a single pound. All the weight for the both of us goes directly to my hips and thighs!! <P>Anyway, I was wondering if there are any other women (men too) who've actually gained weight through all of this, or am I just the oddball out? (Which wouldn't be the first time! )

You're not alone. I was losing weight and my W was looking really trim just before our situation began a little over a year ago. Now we are busy trying to get our lives together again. She felt betrayed by my actions, by the way, so I guess that makes me the betrayer. No matter, since we have been trying to work things out, food has been a big part of our lives. She is a fabulous cook and she has been outdoing herself, and I have been trying to get her out of the house more often so we go out for dinner quite a bit more than we ever did before. Besides we do a lot of talking and that sometimes gets our sweet tooth drooling so Ice cream and cake and cookies and candy and , and ..... etc.. Guess what she has gained a bout 20 pounds and I have put on 10 or 15 myself so you are not alone. I guess a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don't care how much weight she gains I love her no matter what. So that doesn't help either.<P>But I do intend to work on it and I know that she does too.<P>Good luck..<P>Flip

Thanks Flip. I was beginning to wonder if it was just me or what! I really am jealous that so many have lost weight while I have packed it on. I wish that at least something good on the aesthetic level could have come out of all of this.

Lark,<P>I am one of "those" who have lost weight. I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but this has been another cross for me to bear.<P>I did not need to lose weight. Most of my clothes just hang on me. I only have a couple of pairs of slacks that look presentable. Even those are now loose. One of my biggest fears was that someone at work would say something to me about my dramatic weight loss. Most don't know about my situation. It is very embarrassing.<P>I also worry about my health.<P>It has affected my self-esteem. Who would be interested in someone who looks like a "refugee"?

Sydney,<P>I understand. But I am still very jealous because to me, it's always going to be much easier to gain weight than to lose weight. If I had lost a bunch of weight from not eating, then I know there are many nutritional supplements I could take that would put the weight back on in no time. But to try to lose weight is another story altogether. I'm one of those people that have difficulty losing weight, always have been. Fortunately for me, prior to all this, I'd never been overweight, but even before, trying to lose even 5 lbs was a tough battle. Now that I've packed on an extra 20, I don't know what to do! I've always worked out, and still do, so that's not it. I've always eaten lowfat, so that wasn't a problem either. I think that now I'd have to literally starve myself to get this weight off and I know that would be very unhealthy.<P>On a side note, if you start lifting weights, you won't look like a refugee. Plus, if you're not lactose intolerant and you want to start gaining weight, then drink a SlimFast shake or a McDonald's milkshake WITH each meal. I guarantee you will gain weight. See, I know how to put it on!

Lark,<BR> <BR>I feel for you. I really do. I know how you feel because as a kid, I was chubby. My H has always struggled with his weight, so I know how discouraging and frustrating it is.<P>Since you have never had a weight problem in the past, it sounds to me like your weight situation will take care of itself once you get past your emotional crisis.<P>I think we are all very overly-sensitive about our physical appearances right now as our self-esteem has suffered a tremendous blow.<P>P.S. I tried downing a couple of Ensures, and nearly barfed! As far as fast food, I have never been into the stuff. Lifting weights is a good idea. H even suggested it. I do have plans to join a health club soon.<P>Thanks for the post.

First I lost and then I gained . So I am not sure what to tell you. When this first hit I wanted to loose weight and then there were plenty of times I just could not eat. Now I think I am stuffing that empty hole again. Not good.<P>My husband has gained weight too although in his defense he has not been able to do all the physical activities he'd like to with his hip and all.<P>Still part of it is he is not out playing with her (The biking the roller blading and the snow boarding) and I don't think he feels the need to impress me so what the heck?<P>I wish I'd loose the weight again but not at the expense of those horrible first few months. <P>I also quit smoking 6 weeks after I found out about the affair so that may be contributing to it?<BR><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

I am one who lost weight. When I found out about husband's infidelity I stopped eating and food was the last thing on my mind. Ate almost nothing the first week then almost nothing the second week...lost a total of 22 lbs. in only two weeks...I became concerned about kidney failure...I became concerned about a heart attack. I am lucky nothing drastic happened to me...the benefit is that<BR>I went from a size 14 to a size 10...from 160 lbs. to 138 lbs....I am working on my last 8 pounds now...my husband thinks I am sexier than ever...he really likes skinny women...the OW must be a size 6 or 8...now he is the one pursuing me and asking me to wear sexy things or not wear anything at all....this is the positive thing that has come out of all the negative things...I suppose I am lucky that I lose my appetite when I am depressed...but.....I am still dieting...and don't intend to put any of it back on.....

Lark, you are not alone. I lost weight initially, but I quickly gained it back and then some. I think it has a lot to do with all the "dating" we've been doing. Nice dinners with wine have definitely packed on a few pounds that I didn't need.

As for me, I lost at the wrong time, during my pregnancy.. I think emotional upsets caused more nausia... Then I have the baby and want to shape up.....Guess what? I gained the weight I should have gained during my pregnancy... I can say my baby girl didn't have any problems with my slight gain, as she arrived at a whopping 9 pounds...<BR>One week I cant eat and the next I cant stop!<P>cozy

Both unplanned weight gain and weight loss are normal reactions to stressful times. I have seen both my husband and I cycle through both of these. Leading up to separation (I think when the affair was warming up), he lost quite a bit of weight. That lasted for a while. Now, he's gained a huge amount of weight and continues to pack it on. As Steve Harley told me, happy people do not gain weight like this.<P>When I got dumped, I had just had a baby and had about 20 pounds to lose. I had been dieting at the time and continued for about another month after separation (during my denial phase). Then I started to get depressed myself and gained some weight. I never lost the extra baby weight and am only now, one year later, successfully getting it off.<P>We all react to stress differently. I personally think those that lose weight very quickly are much worse off than those of us who lose discipline over our diet and start to inch up slowly over time. But big, rapid swings in either direction are indications of severe emotional disruption, IMO.h

I'm a wieght loser...<P>Probably <B>too</B> much.... was 192 lbs. when I found out about the affair... 7 months ago...<P>Now (weighed myself today)... 165 lbs. (that's 3 lbs. less than my High School graduating weight) <P>God... I hope it stops!<BR>And I'm diabetic... stress is kiling me!<P>Jim

I lost weight.<P>I had been within 10 lbs of my marriage weight since my last baby was born 5 years ago. After my H broke it off with OW (before I even knew) he started treating me bad. I gained another ten.<P>After I found out I too lost 20 lbs in 2 or 3 weeks. I went from 150 to 130. I then went down to 120 and eventually to 110. My lowest has been 105. I am 5'5".<P>What I try to keep in mind (not always successfully) is that we need to find something else to get comfort from than food. That has helped me keep from gaining. I used to put signs all over the kitchen that said only one work "WHY?" Am I eating because I am hungry or sad or mad? Am I getting a cookie or an apple? What I decided after I found out about the affair is that I had to get control of my life (again, not always successfully) and food was definitely something I should be able to control.<P>The problem I have now is that I use food to control my life not the other way around. I have become anorexic (I don't eat, I do not make myself throw up after I binge). I have made myself thin in order to advertise my pain to my H. <P>Realizing this has made it easier to control it. When I got down to 105 I began to worry and have gained back to 110.

Lark:<P>I didn't lose or gain weight because of my W's infidelity. However, I do have an excellent way to lose weight. Don't judge it until you've tried it.<P>About 3 months ago (well into the healing process), W and I decided we were too fat and wanted to lose weight. We started the Suzanne Sommers diet. It's a food combination diet. You follow a certain regimen of NOT eating particular foods at the same time.<P>In a little over three months, I've lost over 20 lbs. I went from 226 lbs to 203 lbs. I've eaten healthy. I've eaten fatty foods. I've eaten fats, proteins, carbohydrates, even sweet tasting desserts.<P>Here's the trick: Cut out your sugar intake and cut out your consumption of alcohol (if you drink). Also, do NOT eat refined carbohydrates like white breads.<P>Suzanne Sommers' book has a lot of recipes and some examples of how to plan a menu. The rules are VERY simple (once you learn what the forbidden foods are):<P>1. Do not eat fats/proteins with carbohydrates.<P>2. If you eat carbos, ONLY eat whole grain breads and pastas.<P>3. You can have vegetables with BOTH fats/proteins and with carbohydrates.<P>4. Do NOT eat fruit with any meal. Eat it by itself as a snack.<P>5. Do not eat carrots and/or potatoes while you're on the weight loss portion of the diet. Your body breaks them down like a simple sugar and stores them as fat quicker than more complex foods.<P>6. MOST IMPORTANTLY, only eat until you are full, then STOP.<P>I really urge you to get her books "Eat Great, Lose Weight" and "Get Skinny on Fabulous Food." THey have GREAT recipes that conform to her rules.<P>It sounds crazy, I know, but I lost 20 lbs, and I haven't exercised since January because of a bad back.<P>Petunia has only lost about 5 lbs, but she had less to lose and she didn't stick to the diet as well as I did. Plus, it's harder for women to lose weight than for men.<P>I truly believe that my metabolism has increased because of this diet. I eat three smallish meals a day and have a snack (usually fruit) religiously mid-morning and mid-afternoon. That has kept my body processing food all day. I also cut out snacking late at night because that food tends to metabolize slowly (because of inactivity) and becomes fat more quickly.<P>The first week was HARD when I stopped eating those wonderful breads when we'd eat out. If I was gonna have chicken or steak or some protein, I couldn't have bread. Now, however, I don't miss it. It's NOT that hard.<P>Try it for a month. If it doesn't help you, I'll be surprised.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

I have been within the same weight sine before i got married 22 years ago-130 lbs. (put on weight with 3 pregnancies and lost it all almost immediately) I am 5"6' Since this mess i have l have lost 30 lbs and have never been so thin. I do eat, but am not hungry so i force myself. This has been since March. I have gone from a size 8 to 2 and have had to replace all my clothes!!!!

I think I blamed food for my problems. I knew a large part of our marriage trouble was brought by my H not finding me attractive and me not being confident about my appearance.<P>I was also terrified by how much comfort I got from eating late at night during the time after his affair and before I found out. I was so miserable. I didn't even sleep in my room when he was home (he works some nights, some days). I would stay up watch the Discovery Channel, cry and eat.<P>Food is so temporary. Everything in my life was temporary. Sanity was temporary. Control can be permenant.

When my H cheated, I gained right around 75 pounds and was on the yo-yo diet for right around 10 years. Some years I was lighter, some heavier. My H never gained or lost any weight. <P>Right before my affair, I went on a diet and had lost about 15-20 pounds in four months. From the moment of realization that the OM wanted me until today, I have lost 40 pounds. I could still stand to lose 20-30 pounds, I think, but don't want to do it THAT way. My H immediately lost 50 pounds. <P>He looks thin, and I look normal-sized, not fat or thin at all.<P>But do I have major, major stomach problems!! Just today I went to the doctor and have had to have medical tests to see what's wrong. I'm in such PAIN, and I think it's stress!!<P>A woman came up to me at work yesterday and said, "I've noticed you've lost a lot of weight, how are you doing it?" I told her I was on the "my H is moving out this week and I'm dying inside diet"... she said, "hey, I was on that diet and I gained 20 pounds... go figure". So, there you have it. <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

<BR>Count me as one of those who first lost weight, then gained weight. After discovery, I lost 20 lbs, because I couldn't eat anything except soup without getting sick.<P>My doctor put me on Paxil and although it made the depression better, it made me gain back all the weight I had lost plus some!<P>Husband likes thin people (OW, size 2, Me, size 12) so he is ticked off by my weight gain. I have changed anti-deps to Serzone, so that will hopefully help.<BR>

I found the best way to diet. When my W and I separated last summer. I wanted to look better for all the cool dates I was going to be going on (groan). Anyway, I completely cut out sugar---completely, and anything with sugar in it. I would run 3 miles every other morning, and do some weight training every other evening. I would have a hearty lunch and no dinner after 8:00pm.<P>I lost about 12 pounds in a month. Probably all fat pounds, since the weight training was bulking me up. I looked great!<P>I wasn't really over-weight to begin with, just sporting two of those ugly love handles.<P>I found out that when you tax your body (exercise), it burns the first available source of energy it can find--glucouse (sugar)! So if your glucose reserves are low, the body will burn the fat! Ipso-facto, you loose weight.<P>It also helps to not eat any food that is chemically dead. Like pasta or rice. Most of those kinds of foods get converted by the body into -- you guessed it-- SUGAR!

<A HREF="http://www.eicotech.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.eicotech.com/</A> <P>Check it out.<P>It can help those over and under weight. I was over overweight. At 5'8" I weight 212 (after having baby #2) and my hubby wouldn't take me anywere. Now I am at 151 and have never felt better in my life. Not only that my hair started to grow at a fantastic rate. My hubby can't keep his hands off of me and takes me everywhere. I have to lose about 11 more lbs of fat (not muscle) and I'll be back into the size 10...perfect for me...pants I wore before I had my kids. <BR>Don't knock it until you try it!!!<BR>Just check it out!!!