Which is why she forwarded the email to the second account--so she can put his email address in her contacts list.

Have you told her that you'll divorce her if she continues with the adultery?

Have you told her to stop?

Does she believe that there are any consequences to her adultery?

If the answer is 'no' then why do you think she'll change? Why should she, really, if there's no reason to?

Will she change her contact info?

Write this guy a true NC with your approval?

Will she do MB coaching?

I'm worried you're headed for A false recovery. They can hurt worse than original Dday.

Right now she faces no natural consequences for her actions and he actually enables this self destructive behavior by failing to hold her accountable.

Please read.
False Recovery

Why should she?

You know?

And this.
Conflict avoidance is the kiss of death

Have you told her that you'll divorce her if she continues with the adultery?
No I have not had this discussion with her. I think it is too soon to push on her.

Have I told her to stop?
Yes. The counselor basically did too.

Does she believe that there are any consequences to her adultery?
I'm not sure. She does feel the pain that her family knows now.
That bothered her. But right after I exposed, she just went from texting to phone calls with the OM. She then started the dating sites.

So maybe she thinks there isn't any consequences. She has justified it all in her mind & to her mom.

I'm not sure if she would change her contact info. I think she needs to her it from an authority figure that she needs to do this. I think if the counselor told her that had to do it, I think she would.

I did send her a NC letter about 4 days after I left our home.
She did send it to him, but they talked via video call right after.

I have all the MB questionairres printed out. She was reluctant to go thru them when I first moved back last weekend. She said that she wanted to ease back into us & that she would fill them out this weekend.

MB coaching would be great. I have no idea on how to get it.

An addict only cares about meetin their addiction

Oh I know the reason for her forwarding the email to a different account. I understand it fully. Its so she can hide this even more.

Yes I am afraid that we will go thru false recovery.

No. She would NOT do it even If the counselor told her to. The counselor told her to end the affair and she didn't.

The coaching wouldn't help. That only works if two people are commited.

She is an addict and you are codependent on her

Focus on getting the strength you need to leave her.

Jeff you aren't in recovery or false recovery.

Yes, I think she is addicted to this.

She has gone from romance novels, to extremely sexual novels...
To talking with this OM via chat....cybersex...then to phone calls to him..
Then to she signed up for dating sites...chats...cybersex...pics...nude pics

I hate to hear this. I don't want to leave her.
I am afraid. I'm afraid of not finding someone else.

This weekend y'all are going to Atlanta so that won't work. Next weekend won't work, either, because she'll be too tired from working. The weekend after that will be the 134th anniversary of some battle in Turkey so that won't work. After that, she's hoping you'll have forgotten about it and let her continue as-is.

I'll bet if you really pushed, if you actually insisted on having a wife that didn't diddle in front of a mirror online, you'd see one hell of a nasty response from her because, only then, will you actually threaten her current wayward way of life.

But right now, nothing's changed. The past weeks of you in a hotel have come and gone and y'all are RIGHT back where you were before it all happened.

Which is what she wanted.

If you continue with this, you'll have no one to blame but yourself for chosing to live like this. It'll no longer be her fault, and I'd actually agree with her if she said "you knew I was like this when we married" because you have chosen to be subjected to this crap.

Let me guess, your family says the same thing.

SMH......Jeff come on.

Enabling is holding the crack pipe while they go to the restroom.

Are you going to wire the cameras, set up mirrors, get her some new toys for her so she can continue on?

Dude, time to walk away. She is using you and is very narcissitic. And you are allowing it.

But then again, you have been told this how many times? She is not marriage material.

Her family (mom & dad) are in total support of whatever she does.
Her mom was upset at first but my wife stopped talking to her. Then her mom came around & accepted what went on. Going so far as saying that the OM sounds like a good guy.


I guess I am enabling her. I don't want to push her away right now.

I will push the questionnaires to be filled out.
And for us to read the His Needs Her Needs, Love Busters, etc

I'd like to go to MB coaching but just don't know where or how to get it.

No I will not allow her to continue talking to other men. As far as I can tell, she has stopped doing this.

Yes, I also think she is narcisisstic.

Its hard for me to believe that she is not marriage material.
I mean we were married 6 years before all this happened.

Focus on getting the strength you need to leave her.

I hate to hear this. I don't want to leave her.
I am afraid. I'm afraid of not finding someone else.

Jeff, she's already left YOU. Oh, she may be there physically, but she's gone emotionally.

She has what she (thinks she) needs with her internet-masturbation routine. She has that without you. She cares not at all about exposure, since you've done that. She doesn't care about financial stability, or decent family-life. She's got her dildo, a video camera, and an internet connection.

She would appreciate your cooperation in helping her live the life she's chosen, but it's not a necessity. If hugging you, and sleeping next to you will be enough to keep you compliant and acquiescent to her main past-time, well, she'll make those accommodations. But you have to "stick" to incent real change. She knows you're more scared of divorcing her than she is of being divorced.

Managing donkeys really does require the "carrot and stick" dichotomy. They cannot be managed just with carrots. They'll sit and eat the carrots without accomplishing the driver's requirements, and the result will be fat, complacent, asses.

Jeff, you are not pushing her away, she is already gone!! She will not think about you and what you want until she hiys rock bottom and no-one is forcing her to do that!

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