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Joined: Jan 2010
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Yesterday's show was another fantastic show on the Policy of Joint Agreement. Dr. Harley again repeated the notebook suggestion that he gave recently for couples with lots of piled up problems. There was both a husband and a wife on the call (I love this kind of show!) and they talked a lot about what the husband felt were "win-win" solutions that one spouse was not enthusiastic about. Dr. Harley said that these indicate somebody is sacrificing, that love bank withdrawals are being made, and that these situations need to be strongly discouraged, especially while a couple is learning and practicing negotiating.
Toward the end of the show, Dr. Harley addressed the interesting question of how to negotiate when a husband wants his wife's hair long, and she wants it short.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 136
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Yesterday's show .....
Toward the end of the show, Dr. Harley addressed the interesting question of how to negotiate when a husband wants his wife's hair long, and she wants it short. I chuckled. I'm going to listen to this one. My wife has had long hair for the 24 years I've known her. She has always commented about short hair, and I always said I like it long but whatever. In 'coordinating' our marriage over the last two years with MB Principles, I went with her to the beauty salon to get it cut short. We looked over 'movie stars' ahead of time and found one hair style to use as an illustration. Well, after about 2 months, and many positive comments, she wants to grow it back long cause short is a lot more work!
H (me) = never wayward; age = 51; occup = attorney
W = never wayward; age = 49; occup = law office admin
Faith = Lutheran
S = age 20
S = age 19
D = age 17
Married 1990, first for both
Prior User Name "dec810" Marriage Builders 2001
"Evil will flourish, when good people do nothing"
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Well I am going to commit the sin of disagreeing with the hair issue.
If my wife wanted me to become a hippee for example, I wouldn't. And if she never agreed to short hair, then according to the POJA no decision can be made until both enthusiastically agree - so I would never have my hair cut?
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
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surely you jest, HD.  I think te ultimate recommendation was to experiment with various hair lengths, some long, some short, with the hopes of utimately finding something that both were enthusiastic about. Also, I believe "doing nothing" in the case of hair, would be to keep cutting it the same length (unless you could figure out how to make it stay the same on it's own). And I resemble the remark that long hair=hippee. I had long hair once and I most certainly wasn't a hippee, lol. I think all this falls under the category of Attractive Spouse as a EN. I would much rather my wife tell me to grow my hair than hit the gym till I can bench my weight. BTW, be prepared to lose employment opportunities if you grow your hair - I've lived that one. So, if FS is a EN of your spouse, she might have to evaluate her priorities... opt
Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01) Divorce from WW final 9/16/10. Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10) Mine: S(16), D(11) NatureGirls: S(23), D(21) Another EA Story
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