Both are a complete waste of time. She sees it as a means for complaining about how you and the spotted owl are the cause of all of her troubles.

The follow-up talk that you mention is so that she can verbalize her complaints.

Me? I wouldn't bother.

Agreed and this is becoming masochism Jeff.

You also said:


How does THAT work?

Yeah, I don't see how that is supposed to work.

Maybe it is a complete waste of time to fill out the questionnaire.

No, but I have a silent father.

I wonder if I should confront her and ask her to be transparent with her phone and email. I don't think she will do that though.

I thought about asking her to move out.

I've thought about asking for a voluntary lay off, so I can leave this town and work on myself with my family supporting me.

Only if you think she needs a good laugh.

You're rapidly approaching the point where you call your family and ask them to come get you and for them to subsequently ignore any protests that you give them when they arrive.

Seriously. I'd stage my own intervention.

Thanks for answering my last question.


Have you read "Buyers .. Renters and Freeloaders" jeff? ..
It has some excerpts about personalities. It seems that your wife may be one with an electric fence personality and can only associate with people that are on HER path... if you go off her path (which you have done) she cant follow because she hits an electric fence! .. Oh man .. you need to read that book if you have not ...

MNG

Yes I have the book. I see her as a renter.

So I just go home, tell her to get out?

Jeff.
I don't think you are able to demand she leaves the home.
If you feel you are able to commit to leaving I suggest YOU be the one to leave and leave a dear Jane plan B letter on the table.

Attending one coda meeting weekly will not help you.
You need to attend nightly meetings.
AlAnon and coda are very similar. They are all codependent relationships. If you work either of their programs you will be able to get healthy.

And right now you aren't healthy. You have become this lady's punching bag. You can continue this way for the rest of your life or take the necessary actions to help yourself.

Jeff,

Whatever works out best for you financially and also separates you from your WW is what you should do.

Almost everything you wrote about your WW is bad, wrong, painful or ugly. Please remove this thorn from your side. In her case you just can't fix her brokenness. It's really about 90% her.

God Bless
Gamma

She did fill out the emotional needs questionaire.
It was pretty much negative.

She also made a list of love busters.
All kinds of stuff....most of it I understand.
-she needs me to have white teeth & brush my tongue
-I am really close to my parents, but I have in the past had my mom help me with stuff while I was at work(making dr appt, borrowing her car, etc) My ww has this as a LB, b/c she wants me to involve her in all that or do it by myself.


Yesterday felt so weird. I get home & she gives me all these kisses. She is cooking dinner for us, etc.
She makes the comment that we should make up for our trip that we cut short on. That we should go out on a date this Friday & she can wear her the dress she bought while we were in Atlanta. She also makes the comment that we can be physical after our date...etc.

I don't understand what is happening.

She is hot and cold.
Jeff, my wife would yell at me (after I exposed her affair), tell me she hopes I burn in hell...then come to me 30 minutes later and say she was sorry.
When I quit accepting her apologies, she became in enraged and would say, Well fine ...f*** you!

She is manipulating you. Because she is codependent on you too. She needs a man to control and manipulate. A man to complain about the other men too.

And if she senses you drifting away she will reel you back in

Wow, that is some first class manipulation.

Get the hell away!

She even brings up what we can do on our anniversaries...

She mentions being physical after our date & that it has been a few months since we have. She is looking forward to it & wants it to be special.

These are mixed messages for me....I'm not sure what is up or down right now.


A friend of hers on Facebook just let me know that my ww changed her profile pic to one that has the both of us in it.
???

Jeff.
I have been in a very similar situation.
I came to a point of complete physical exhaustion.
I had to admit that it was more than I could handle.

Are you wiling to attend a Meeting tonight?

Jeff_R,

Is there anyone in your life who can help you get away from this black hole of toxicity and abuse? Are you listening to anything people are saying to you here.

God Bless
Gamma

This is fubar with a nice bowl of manipulation on the side.

What do you want us to say, Jeff?

Lord have mercy, she screws around on you, complains about your dental habits to justify it and then plans on screwing you after a nice supper. No mention of her past behavior, no sir, not a peep. Just back to the status quo.

Fubar.

We had this cat growing up that would catch lizards in the backyard. It'd hold them down with its foot and then let it go just long enough for the lizard to think that it was free. When it'd make a move to run, the cat would slam its foot back down and repeat the process a minute or so later.

That's what's happening.

I am definitely willing to go.

I am exhausted by all this. I ready to leave everything here....my house, job, etc.

Some of my family doesnt want me to quit my job or ask for a layoff. But I already now that my employer is going to have to lay off people anyway. This way it forces me to leave this. I can then work on myself...exercise, get emotional support from family daily, etc.