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What did the IG say when you talked to him and what proof did you provide him? Yes, get the VAR and get it hidden in her car.
Partner, this is a REALLY bad time to be leaving. I'm not military, so I have no idea how this works, but is there not a way to get your ops postponed to a later date (I know this is probably a stupid question). Can you call your CO and explain the sitch? Call the IG back and re-explain the sitch?
Anything?
Oh, and knock off the suicide and homicide talk. No one is worth all that. I know you're hurting terribly, but you're better than this.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I will be tomorrow out for the weekend cause of military field ops. If it goes PA I dont know what I will do suicide, homicide the other OM I just don't know and it scares me what I will do to the other OM. I need a plan to prevent this please help me. DSC, come to us before you do anything, okay? Come here first. I am worried about you.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I'm gone now I'll be back tomorrow. I'll try to calm down the IG is a hotline and fax type deal they will contact me when they complete the investigation. I plan on sleeping in my bed and she says she won't be there. This meeting she knows I know about it I called the hotel pretending to be him and the reservations are still there. He's supposed to be flying here and I know if I was the OM I would still come cause you can't cancel a flight else you lose money. So I believe she isn't talkin to him and he will contact her as the date nears to convince her otherwise. I really want to go there to verify in person and also use the VAR. I'm so depressed over this I don't understand how a woman who has a religious background do this to someone she obviously loves and care about. This isn't fair I wish I can transfer all the pain my WS, myself, and my family feels to the OM. Probably won't do a thing cause he's a sociopathic narcissist. Anyways any points I'm missing in this plan?
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Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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VAR the car. Demand respectfully she send the NC with my approval. Confront her in the hotel where this tryst is supposed to take place. I already contacted his command and her command awaiting responses if none by Tuesday call again. I read about the withdrawal from an affair so it seems pointless to meet ENs while she is in that cold turkey state. I'll be staying in our house and sleeping in our marriage bed. Work out already dropped 35 lbs over this and improve myself personally taking salsa classes (wife is latino) going to college and spend time with our kids. Please let me know if this is a good plan or if I'm missing something. Oh wife is on antidepressants for depression as well.
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So you've decided you're going with her? Good! Don't tell her until the last minute though. Forewarned is forearmed. I would do it the morning of your departure. LOL, let the POSOM spend the money and time for nothing.
Keep trying to get in touch with that GF. That will help you immensely.
Yep, you're right, trying to meet EN's when she's in this state of mind is pointless. Your job right now is to bust this crap up. Focus on that first, then we can go from there.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Thing is she leaves while I'm a work so I will be going with my friend sneaky like. Is that a good idea?
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Thing is she leaves while I'm a work so I will be going with my friend sneaky like. Is that a good idea? However you get there, just get there. Are you on ADs? Worried about you. Will your friend be with you the whole time?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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That's even better, IMO. Just make sure that friend is with you when the confrontation happens. You need him to keep you from doing anything stupid. And from your previous posts, that's a not so distant reality.
Don't be stupid here.
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How do I say send it without using LBs I don't want to push her away. I showed her the letter and asked her to write and she said no. This was last week. Any other ideas I can use for her to send the letter with making demands. You have no choice. Plan A is a carrot and stick program. You vehemently oppose the affair while still being a loving husband.
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What do you have in mind? I'm not really the best one to be advising you how you should handle it, as I know how I would act in your kind of situation. I'm just a good old redneck boy from South Carolina that would more than likely do what you definitely should NOT do.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Read it so it's important to stop this meeting! What weapons I have to combat it? What should I do follow her and confront her? VAR and pray I'm wrong?! I feel so helpless. I am on the bus for recovery but she isnt cause of withdrawal. My time is short. I really love her and now that I can work this out this ugly revelation threatens to undo everything! You're not on the bus to recovery. You are in an active affair.
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I will be tomorrow out for the weekend cause of military field ops. If it goes PA I dont know what I will do suicide, homicide the other OM I just don't know and it scares me what I will do to the other OM. I need a plan to prevent this please help me. Sir you cannot control your wife's actions. Or OM actions. You can only control how YOU react to their actions. Ask yourself if your child would benefit from your suicide or your murdering your wife's affair partner? Will your child benefit? Will your parents benefit? Will anyone benefit?
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Well she still in withdrawal. She claims she still loves him but won't see him cause I will take away the kids from her. Which I know is fogbabble. We talked an hour and she brought up the affair. She knows its wrong but she feels she never loved me and it's ok once again fogbabble when I brought up how we met and first said I love you she started to stutter. I called the hotel and the reservation is still valid. I have a friend willing to go with me to confirm. Planning on using a VAR in her car as well. She claims she is scared of me and I'm acting psycho. I tried not to cry and assure her she made the decision to ruin the marriage and I just let everyone know how. She also stated she doesn't love or care about me. I know I I ask to go she will say no and put her on notice. Her mom will be here on Tuesday and weekend so if I will sneak out and confirm his tryst I need to set my friend up for an albi. I was planning on sleeping in the same bed and she is adamant that she won't I'm so confused on what to do next. This is hard on me and her. She is experiencing physical withdrawal from seeing this guy how long will this last? As for being psycho, that is normal wayward talk. As for sleeping in the same bed you should not leave your marital bed. She is the adulteress so she can leave the bed.
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If you catch them together you need to keep your cool. King David essentially murdered a man so he could take his wife. He thought he had it all figured out. But God was witness and how did God respond? Go sent his servant Nathan to king David and Nathan said "You are the man." If I was in your shoes and caught them I would look her in the eyes and say "You are commiting adultery. Shame on you. " And I would say it loud enough for bystanders to hear. And that is all you can do legally and morally
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I'm going to wear a VAR and have a camera for evidence. My friend will be there the whole time. I am hoping that she doesnt go and has been telling the truth. I'm going to do this in case it goes to divorce to bolster my case. My friend will keep me calm. I called the hotel and reservations are still in place under the OM name.
I'm thinking. Of bringing her mom with me as well. We have a language barrier cause she only speaks Spanish but I have enough to get through to her. I need to establish she is on my side. Any thoughts on that?
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Is the mom a practicing Catholic?
I want you to know that you won't bolster any court case by doing this.
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I will in military court! Mom is a devout Christian. As for divorce her infidelity wont help me in a divorce and custody battle?
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Courts do not care about adultery in custody
They only care about the best interest of the child
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