Ps exposure includes employers and co workers so absolutely to the boss! They cannot continue to work together

Tell his family regardless of what you think they'll say.

You never know how people will respond and don't want to leave any stone unturned.

[/quote]

Tell his family regardless of what you think they'll say.

You never know how people will respond and don't want to leave any stone unturned. [/quote]

I'm done with exposing and have had no reply from anyone I exposed to (my relatives already knew anyway); their boss, the OW's fiance', our relatives, etc. Is no response common? I have read on other websites that when the BS (betrayed boyfriend/significant other, in this case) is a guy, they often don't respond to exposure or they respond in a hostile manner. Is this truly common or just B.S.? I exposed to him via Facebook this past Saturday. Maybe it hasn't been enough time either.

I'm almost wondering (worried) if the OW may have intercepted the FB message I sent to him. I'm thinking maybe I should find an email address for him instead. Or some other alternative way of contacting him.

Another issue. In talking to my WH about this, his claim is he thrives off positive attention of any kind. He is incredibly naive when it comes to certain people who are able to "work him," male friends included. I definitely agree with what he said about the attention thing. I also know he was verbally abused by his dad while growing up and has self-esteem issues (who doesn't, right?). That said, someone who seems to "need" (want) that much attention, how likely are they to benefit enough from help to remain monogamous in the future? It seems almost narcissistic or like an addiction and if not either of those, certainly incredibly dysfunctional.

I agree with what I've read on the MB site about people having poor boundaries around those of the opposite sex leading to cheating, regardless of other issues they may have (like the ones I outlined above; verbal abuse, etc). While I don't think he is a "special case" or any different from other waywards, he does seem to require an inordinate amount of attention from others. If in the future he does have better boundaries, won't he still have the issue with wanting
attention? I don't know how that all fits together.

Or is the attention thing just a bunch of bullcrap to avoid saying he just wants to screw around?

Anyone have any ideas on the exposure info I posted above, or the other things I mentioned? Having a rough time here.....WH continues to email with the OW, per the eblaster report.

Hi Whatisnext17. I am sorry that you are having to endure this treatment. You deserve so much better. Keep looking for contacts. Try sites like Spokeo and Peoplefinder. Melody Lane has posted some to others recently. I will try to find them for you. Cross reference everything having to do with her name, her fiance's name. Expose to everyone, even her fiance's family. Do you feel comfortable calling her fiance if you suspect that she intercepted your previous attempt? I don't know if you can hear it enough how you don't deserve this, and you deserve better than this. Please remember, he is making these choices, they are not yours. These choices are also never the way to fix the problems in your own marriage, so don't let him blame you for his choices. I hope you set your boundaries very high and don't move them!!! Don't let him know how you found out. Also, don't tell him about this site. You are gonna need the pros here to give you that guidance you are gonna need when you can't think straight.

I thought of another thing. It was hard for me to imagine that issues my husband has from his upbringing do not matter right now. Dr. Harley does not feel that is a factor that needs to be given much weight when the choices he is making are destroying his marriage and his wife. Over time, I have come to realize that this is very true. Your H has to make the right decisions for you and your marriage regardless of his personal issues and insecurities. He has to face those issues and fix them, sure. But, he has to be faithful and respectful to you no matter what else he has to do. So, please try to back up from that and look at it as you would probably advise a friend, "Your husband still has to do the right thing by you and your marriage."

Finding those posts where melodylane posted different finder sites is proving very difficult as she has a billion posts!! Maybe BrainHurts can help....sure seems to be good at finding links and supposedly never sleeps, so can you help BrainHurts?

Yeah, I'd keep trying on that. You need to talk to this guy on the phone.

Call the other people as well, saying that you're following up with your message from last week and wanted to know if they had any questions. That way, you'll know and won't be left wondering if they got the message or not.

Coworkers and your/his children should be told as well.

Have you tried these?
Trying to Figure out Identity

I had my doubts beforehand but exposure works, just like everyone has been saying. The OW's BS (fiance') now knows what is going on and we are filling in the blanks for one another. He is in shock and seems devastated, understandably has a ton of questions....I feel badly for him.

Also, right now I'm not sure of what they are exactly but it seems many changes are going on at my WH's workplace since I notified his boss. I'll learn more as time goes on.

This site is great, thank you!

Do the children and his family know? You don't want to lose momentum, so make sure you tell every damn person that you can think of.

Great job What, keep it going!

~RQ

So WH lost his temper this evening and blew up at me for the exposure (I exposed to as many people as possible). He was yelling, swearing, pointing his finger at me - very ugly behavior of which I did not react to. He claims he's made a mess of things and that I'll never trust him again, that he's just sure of it and my lack of trust in him is what is ending our marriage, not his cheating. As far as his cheating is concerned, he apologized and now I should trust him again and not monitor anything he does because it makes him feel as though he's in prison, that it's not fair (well, he needs to call the "WAHmbulance" in that case because I don't care).

I showed up at his office today and he didn't like it, said he felt like he had a parole officer. He said if I ever showed up at his work again he would not come downstairs.....it was all I could do to not laugh, it was like dealing with an angry toddler. He also mentioned that I have to earn his trust back and he's not going to make it easy for me.....he explained it like this, "I know you don't trust me even though I've apologized for cheating with a coworker 30 years younger than me. You accepted my apology and now you have to trust me, you can't monitor what I do any longer. Because you have not chosen to trust me, I can't trust you and you have to earn my trust back."

At this point I knew I was in 'Crazy Town' and couldn't find the exit. It was alarming how angry he was and for the first time ever, I actually felt afraid of him. He hasn't done anything since but he's clearly not in a good way.

Because his AP is a coworker I told him he had to find a new job and he, in fact, did. That's right....he found a different job with the same employer about 20 feet away from his AP, instead of the six feet or so he is now. His explanation for that was that I told him to find a "different job" not a "different employer" and he can't be held accountable for me giving him "bad information."

He's also taken it upon himself to go to individual counseling and not at my request, he did this himself. I suspect his intent with this is outlandish enough to say he's looking for someone to validate his position in this, he is messed up enough to try anything at this point. At any rate, as predicted on the MB boards, the therapist gave him some psychobabble about his relationship with his dad, his childhood, etc. A bunch of B.S. that solves nothing.

I've been Plan A'ing for several weeks now and he only seems to be getting weirder by the day. I cannot afford our home with my own income and would not want to stay here even if I could, the place just reminds me of him. I have made an offer on a house more in my price range but I won't know until Thursday if it's been accepted or not. In the meantime I've been looking for a month to month apartment rental to get our dogs and me out of this disaster. I know it's not recommended to leave the home but this place is turning into a one-man mental ward and not sure how much longer I can take it.

Any ideas, thoughts?

I think that only you know what you are able to put up with. If you are burned out and just want out of this, then I think the apartment and Plan B are great ideas. And, no, no one would blame you given the mental ward analogy.

All children know about the affair, right?

I agree with Northwood. Plan a as long as you can or go to plan b. That is up to you.

The good thing is that you recognize hid fogbabble for what it is and know not to get sucked in. Good for you!

I had to move me and my kids out of the marital home to get away from my WH. It wasn't easy but it wad the best thing I did for me and my kids. And I, like you, couldn't stay at that house. It stopped being a home for us thanks to him.

Your husband refuses to end the affair.
Legal separation or divorce would be the natural consequence for his behavior.

You are doing great!

It sounds like exposure has hit its intended target. That is why he is spewing venom. His little fantasy is crashing down around him. The way he is reacting is so predictable.

I think you are doing a fantastic job. You are being loving but at the same time not taking any crap! Please do not leave your home quite yet. You are making a lot of progress and now is not the time to back down.

However, only you know how much you can take. Either way..stay or go..it is going to be hard. You have a much better chance at survival if you do not separate right now.

Yes, his reaction means a direct hit. His is a typical reaction

As has been said numerous times on this board....


Your M can survive your H's anger..Your M cannot survive with a 3rd person in it.